mothers' day 2011 and i'm 30 days from due date.
i got a lot of well wishes for mothers' day. i didn't really expect that, since i don't much feel like a mom yet. although i am starting to have frequent, vivid dreams about the baby (it's a boy in my dreams), and i feel a lot of reassuring movement every day, but it still seems sort of surreal and unsure and far off. and scary. i still worry that anything could go wrong. my prayer has become "please keep the cord free of the neck." this is the kind of thing that keeps me awake at night.
and, consequently, i'm still holding my breath and not fully charging in on some things....like i have the nursery all set up...except that i can't bring myself to take anything out of its packaging for fear it might have to be returned if (dark and ominous music here) something happens. it looks like a baby ikea bedroom in there...livable, until you look closer and see that everything has a pricetag on it.
but still, i am allowing myself to hope and get excited over the prospect of a healthy little one, so we have been making progress checking items off our to-do list. and each item we complete makes me feel better and more prepared.
cord blood donation process nearly complete, life insurance application nearly complete, all the stuff we'll require for the first few weeks of bebe's life, here or soon to arrive, diaper service arranged, will and POA nearly complete, daycare selection still in the works but getting closer, maternity leave nearly completely arranged with work....it's all coming together.
there are so many things to think about. and i know we're tending toward the overly-prepared, neurotic end of the spectrum (d'uh), but i want to be able to relax and focus and enjoy when the bebe is out and among us and not be worried about all these other things.
it just might mean that my sister is doing a lot of baby laundry the first few days of life. i think we can all handle that.
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