I Swear I Will Turn This Car Around and Go Home!

this week robb has been home with henry and i've been working. poor guys. in addition to teething and having recently both started solid foods and been taken off his zantac, we're also trying to do some "sleep training" with henry to get him to sleep all night in his own bed, so robb's been up with him all night every night and then managing his grouchiness by day. it's been kind of rough.

some days this week i came home to robb wearing the same shell-shocked look i remember sporting after tough days when i was on maternity leave. now i've sort of been on both sides of the one-spouse -working/one-spouse-staying-home thing and i've got to say, they're both kind of rough in their own way. when you're home, you get all that juicy time with the baby, but you are isolated all day and have to deal w/ all the tedious minutia and frustrations that come with baby care. and if you're working, you have a long busy day and miss baby time, but then come home to a frazzled spouse who's punting the crying baby at you as soon as you walk in the door.

and this "sleep training" thing? argh! we really are trying to train henry to have good sleep habits that will go with him the rest of his life and ensure he is a well-adjusted, successful, fully functioning person in the world.

or, he might sleep with us until he's 25.

because, i gotta tell ya, at 2am when he's been up for an hour and you have to wake up at 5:30 to go to work...all your discipline is out the window. here! have a nipple! here, have half my pillow and all the blankets you want! here, have some whiskey! take my first born! just get some sleep!

that last one didn't really make any sense.

but i suspect these are the challenges of parenting. doing right by your kid is sometimes terribly exhausting and inconvenient to you. but you gotta do it. it's not fun listening to him scream, even if it's for his own good, like crying it out a little bit or getting shots. but ultimately it's going to help him be a better sleeper and keep him healthier and won't hurt him in the least. unpleasant for him, mis-er-ab-ble for us. or, later in life, it won't be fun to follow through on threats and have to leave a full cart of groceries in the store because you told him if he threw just one more can of beans at an old lady you'd leave. but it'll be the right thing to do.

for him and the old lady.

so we're having a few insights into the challenges ahead. how do you make a secure, happy, and well-disciplined person? you love on them hard and give them some structure, right? we owe it to him to override our own comfort for his well-being.

but other than the sleep thing, he's doing awesome. growing huge. laughing, playing with toys. rolling over and playing little games. scooting. so cute and fun. videos to follow.

Merry First Christmas from Henry Monkey!

henry has had a great Christmas. we were so fortunate that our relatives from all over were able to come to town and squeeze on him. he enjoyed Christmas Eve service with all the singing and bells and lights and candles (fire! fire!). and he got all kinds of loot. :) he's really starting to play with things now, so he gets excited over all the fun toys and books he got. and he got some fantastic winter boots and clothes, too.

he started rolling a lot this weekend and scooting himself backwards some. he will also hover on hands and knees briefly before collapsing. and he can pick up and manipulate small things with his paws now. it's fun to watch! he's just like a real person now. :)




did not appreciate the orange in his stocking. :)

Something About an Apple and a Tree?

robb is the one with the beard. and without the pacifier. in case it wasn't clear.

6 Months Peds Visit, Off the Charts on Cheek Size

weight= 19lbs 2 oz (80th%)
height= 27 1/2" (90th%)
head= 17 1/4" (50th%)


so chunkin munkin is doing great all around. we discussed encouraging solid food intake and sleeping through the night better. he's healthy and happy. has a little thrush in his mouth we're having to treat. we're backing off his zantac now that his reflux is improving as he's developed a stronger sphincter to keep the acid out. he has a snuffly nose, so i'm waiting on his vaccines just briefly until he's a wee little less snotty.

doc is happy with how he is doing. :)

Things "They" Were Not Kidding About

people always gave us advice when we were working on hatching a henry on the ways kids would change our lives. it's every bit as knock-you-over joyful and as pull-your-hair-out stressful as they described.

and here are specific things they were totally right about. some of these i thought were silly and i was 'better than them/wouldn't let them beat me down' or thought they were myths. i now know better.


-daycare centers are total germ farms. these kids are disgusting. rivers of snot in all the colors of the snot rainbow flows everywhere. everything goes in these little gremlins' mouths. including parts of each other. g-r-o-s-s.

-dogs who came into the family long before the babies showed up WILL act up once the baby is permanently established in the house. it's to be expected, as they will be big time ignored. my greyhound dog, mia, whom we've always called "saint mia" as she's about the most lazy, docile creature on the planet, is making me nuts. she used to be my little shadow, and i found it endearing. now, i find her under foot. also, she's taken to eating one of henry's toys every day. and she regularly besmirches the basement floor. sigh. we won't be those people who get rid of their dog once their kid shows up. and we still adore her. i just have less patience and tolerance for my 4 legged baby now that i have a 2 legged monster in the house.

-first grandbaby on both sides? good Lawd. he is spoilt rotten! 53" teddy bear from grandpa? what baby could live without one of those, right? need i say more?

-you will eventually cave and that child will be "sleeping" with you in your bed, probably partially on your person. tiny fists will fly and he will thrash around like animatronic chicken on your chest. but this "sleep" is still better than no sleep at all. (plus, come on, he's so freaking snuggly and warm and cute! we are weak, weak people).

-and that goes with "you will retract all of the I WILL NEVER..." statements you've ever made regarding having children. we've barely started and we're already suckers. every day. cute grin and pink cheeks go a long way to modifying our will power.

-you will spend a ridonculous amount of money on pics the first year. absurd, really. and at some point when you're looking around your house at the 11 x 14's and multi-pic frames filled to the brim with your first-born you will wonder what will happen to subsequent children. maybe a stick-figure drawing tucked somewhere in the back of a closet. but no worries, how could anything ever be as cute as this first tiny heiny, really?

-you swore SWORE you would not get so wrapped up in parenting garbage that you couldn't have a real conversation about anything else, but you find yourself waxing feeding schedules with your accountant and nipple butter with your boss. and...you just don't care.

because your priorities have been totally upended. and that's ok. in fact, it's really awesome.

A Very Merry Unbirthday to You (Yes, You)!!

henry monkey butt monster sir cheeks-a-lot is 6 months old today!

and we've definitely seen some changes recently.

for one thing, he's HUGE. we'll know on monday at his 6 month peds visit officially where he stands compared to other babies his age. but i'm thinking he'll be in a king kong category. the wii scale (we trust it -ish) told me he weighs just under 20 lbs now. for weeks i've been packing up his "baby stuff" and putting it upstairs into a giant pile i'm affectionately calling 'storage.' he's outgrown the majority of his clothes stock and is now in 9 mos/12 mos stuff. we had to get rid of his bouncy seat since his 'bulk' hit the floor, making it less bounce and more just, you know, seat. and we finally let go of the carrier/stroller/car base system because he was chunking out the front and sides of it and moved onto big kid car seats that take up the majority of our back seats and will hold him until he's something like 14 years old.

and now that he's sitting up reliably (w/ caution and much supervision as occasionally he still passionately pitches himself backwards or to the side, making every attempt to concuss himself). we've been having him sit in the seat in the front of shopping carts (where he immediately and disgustingly puts his little mouth on all the nasty hand germs of all the nasty people who have shopped their before us. nasty...ah, well. it'll build immunity. and character.). and he's sitting in highchairs at restaurants and at home.

and we gave him his first real food! sweet potatoes all blended down and whipped with marshmallows, brown sugar, butter, and pecans...or just with breast milk. he had to use his tiny imagination for the rest of that. he did great! we probably gave him 3 tbs total and i bet he got a good 1/8 tsp down his throat. not bad for his first time out!

he's still sleeping well, provided he's on his favorite bed= me. in his crib, not so much. we're working on the sleep thing. it's a challenge, but we're getting there. we find that we're very clear-headed and decided on it at 2pm when robb and i are chatting on the phone at work, debriefing about the night before and making our attack plan for the night ahead. at 2am?? not so much. the best laid plans...are lying down, with a baby sleeping on their chest(s).


but he's all around doing awesome.

in addition to sitting up and propping himself up by his fists like a small albino gorilla, he uses both hands for fine motor activities, also. he plays with toys and grabs anything and everything and tries to usher it to his mouth. he still isn't making any moves toward crawling and doesn't really roll over much, but he scoots a little. and...have you seen his cheeks? my theory is that they're just too heavy to haul around too much. so we'll get there.

he is still with the 2 teeth on the bottom. and he's forming more word-ish sounds and now he blows raspberries all the time. it's cute until he's supposed to be nursing and then he's a vicious motor-boating baby monster. :)

(he will totally thank me some day for these observations. i just know it.)

i'll post a video of him eating real food soon. both nights we've tried it, it's barely made it out of the fridge and it's already up his nose. :)

amazing.

Thank You, God.

went to the dedication (again, like baptism, but in our church babies get dedicated and adults choose to be baptized) of our good friends' little girl. she is almost a year old and is perfect and wonderful and miraculous and awesome.

i teared up in church for the blessings we've all experienced this past year. this time last year these friends were torn up, hurting after an adoption fell through in a most traumatic way. they were unsure if they would ever have the joy of being parents or heal from the hurt they had suffered. last year this time i was pregnant, but it was new and i'd been there before with no baby to show for it. Christmas was quiet, waiting, watchful, still mourning.

but this year!!!! their little girl arrived on the scene just several days after Christmas last year and we've now had henry monkey butt for almost 6 whole months. we have several other friends who also had experienced losses and fertility struggles in the past who now, thankfully, are parents or well on their way to being parents. wow. what a beautiful, blessed year this has been! i just want to tell everyone about how incredible God has been to us. and to give courage and hope to those who are still waiting patiently (or not so patiently) for their own answers. i pray that this next year is their year.

i thought of this little poem/song thing earlier today. for some reason, i always personify God's hands. it's a powerful image in my head.

God's Hands

when i was desperate and ashamed, afraid and empty
i clung onto His hands to keep me on my feet

when i was so angry at what i had lost
what i thought He had stolen
His hands held my shoulders while mine beat His chest

when i finally found some peace in His time, His will, His way
i held His hand and wept while driving alone in my car

and when we tried yet again and started a new life,
i imagined His powerful hands holding my womb
keeping its contents safe and whole

and His hands protected and then guided this flawless critter
into the world

and now as i dance and rock with my amazing! perfect! joyous! baby boy
i feel His hands and arms wrapped around us both, celebrating with us,
keeping us close in His warmth and love.

thank you, God.

Super Nanny Must Take Her Leave Now, Children

this is our last week with my sister, erica, watching henry. she is moving on to her real job and henry is moving on to full time daycare at the baby mill. we are all *sniff* prepared for this *sniff* transition.

it's been really nice having her here for a myriad of reasons, but one of them is that she updates me and sends me pics all throughout the day. some are seeking advice or talking minutia of baby upkeep, some are sweet, and most are really funny.

here are some examples of henry update texts. this is just a small sample of them. and does not include all the millions of texts where she's asking me what she should shop for/cook for dinner. (awesomeness).

8/31/11 (sarah's first day back to work off of maternity leave)-

"he's happy now. 3 diaper covers and 3 outfits later. :) i think auntie is failing to cover the tiny bum well enough. lol."

9/1/11

"hey, uh, auntie e? will you please quit taking pictures and remove the fresh shart from my pants please? hi?"

9/15/11

"he's good good! he really loves tv. more than eating. i had to turn it off so he wouldn't be distracted from the bottle."

9/22/11

"deep in thought."

10/4/11

"just walked to two grocery stores and back and this dashing young fellow did not cry once."

10/13/11

"just leaning back, watching "the office." i feel like one of his hands should be in his pants like a true man."

10/18/11

"he had a super mega buttsplosion so he got a mini bed bath lol."

10/26/11

"he's pretty inconsolable and a little hot. poor little guy. :( "

"sleeping it off."

11/2/11

"you know how deer scratch their antlers on trees? deer antlers is to henry claws as trees is to couch."

11/10/11

"just answered the door to Jehovah's witnesses (oops) and henry was wearing his monster suit and let out 2 big farts. proud?"

11/16/11

"concentrating on something."

11/18/11

"i just stuck out my tongue at henry and he grabbed it. with both hands."

"and it's the last thing the camera ever saw..."

....and there are many, many more like these. we're so thankful for the time we had with auntie e. she's been a blessing! we love you and will miss you!!

Henry Now Plays Peekaboo and Can Put His Entire Foot in His Mouth (Not Simultaneously, That Would Be a Choking Hazard)

it freaks me out a little to have published a youtube video entitled "peekaboo," since i assume there are less savory videos of the same name out there in the ethers. like one involving a sweaty, hairy 60 year old man wearing nothing but a lady godiva wig, gardening gloves and a smile? something like that.

but this one is just cute. and henry mcmonkey mcbean is just getting more and more fun every day. he had a GREAT week/end all over the state visiting family. he was a total rock star being passed around for everyone to squeeze on and he slept in the car in his chair of pain every time we went anywhere! (ahhhhhhh- choir of angels singing hallelujah). he also seemed to make some big developmental changes this week. he is almost sitting up entirely on his own now. also grabbing and manipulating things with both hands and making rudimentary tools/weapons/musical instruments out of everything around him (like a monkey). he is also putting everything in his mouth all the time (like a monkey) and making lots of new calls and coo noises (like a...).

and without further ado....

So Much to Be Thankful For

our here and HEALTHY happy baby monster. love all the moments we've had with him so far, and excited for those to come. so many blessings. such a great God!

happy thanksgiving to everyone! we pray you're warm and well-fed today and surrounded by people who want to hug you.

If Your Baby Jumped Off a Bridge, Would Mine Have To, Too?

it's been a looooong week. work has been hectic and i was on call overnight on tuesday and ended up not going to bed until almost 4:00am. this, after lots of nights in a row of monkey butt getting up several times and being very difficult to go back to sleep in his crib. on our chests? oh, yes. he'll sleep upon us. but in his very own bed where there is white noise and music and all sorts of pro-sleep devices designed specifically for tiny men? not so much. i think he likes the thread count in our bed.

and so we ponder how to help him sleep. i turn to my friends, the intertubes, the books. and you weigh the research over your instinct. of course, you get a handful of different answers. feed him! a full tummy helps a baby sleep. but the literature doesn't really support that and we wanted to wait 'til 6 months to add anything beyond breast milk...swaddle him! don't swaddle him! let him sleep on his belly! back is best! he should be having regular naps right now, not all willy nilly sleeping like he is!

argh. are we ruining his tiny life by not being more regimented? too regimented? i don't think so. but all these little decisions seem huge when you're making them for this little dependent bean. i try to stick to my guns with the decisions i've made, but i admit that i am swayed with what my friends are doing with their babies. and i get weirdly paranoid and competitive over silly things. (how much milk are you producing? oh, i only made this much/how long does he sleep without waking up? oh, mine only goes this long...etc, etc). it's rough. and God forbid one of my friend's kids hits a developmental milestone sooner than hankenstein. as positive as i am that he's healthy and perfect, i always worry briefly that somehow he's behind....

the things i'm trying to remember are that 1) every baby is different, most a variant of normal and 2) everything is a phase. he's teething and had a cold last week AND we were out of town for the weekend where he slept in my bed pretty much the whole time cuz he had to be quiet for the room full of people...consequently, his sleep has been off this week. but last night was a good night and maybe we'll turn a positive corner now. we'll see.

we haven't done much of the 'crying it out' thing. it may be inevitable some day, but i just haven't had the fortitude to do it yet. and i don't feel like i've done enough research (ack! there it is again!) to feel totally confident in doing it. and i know it will not only be painful, but also it will fail if i'm not 100% behind it.

so...we're just kind of winging it. he turns 6 months in a few weeks and i think we'll start some oat cereal then. or possibly start with veggies instead. unsure on that so far. even that little debate- although in the grand scheme of things, whether the kid first 'The Exorcist-style' spits up oatmeal or squash, it really doesn't matter, but because it's a FIRST, it seems critical.

anyway...we have this weekend to relax and regroup. and henry is happy and sweet through all of these "issues," so, really? how stressful can any of this be?

Ooh, Baby, You Thick!

we have caught on and are now aware that the following words are all synonyms for "cream-filled baby chubster." we hear all of these regularly: stout, stable, sturdy, solid, and hefty. as in, "wow. what a sturdy little man you have there. he's certainly eating his wheaties isn't he? (and everybody else's, too, apparently)."

he's just a pounds away from people calling him "big boned" or for him to start receiving hefty underwear for Christmas presents.

makes me think of this snl fake commercial for baby spanx (i know i've posted it before).

he's growing just like he should be. babies should be chunkers. he'll slim out once he's walking. probably. maybe. perhaps. i wonder what it would take to make diet breast milk? :) for the record, if that requires me NOT eating 4 types of fried potatoes in 1 weekend, i'm out.

and anyway, i think he's perfect the way he is. i don't know what everyone is talking about.

Five Months Old and Feisty!

(sorry i tend to dress you like a grandmother, henry. your pants probably don't need to be THAT high. but all the other babies are wearing cardigans these days, aren't they? no?)

monkey butt is 5 months old officially. he's rolling over and throwing himself around like a whirling dervish. he laughs a lot and is still a really happy guy...despite the 2 front teeth that are searing through his gums and the head full of snot.

he's sleeping meh, since he's not feeling so hot, but still wakes up all smiles, so whatchagonnadoboutit, right? and he's eating pretty well through all of this. we're still just breast feeding, but it's closing in on the time that we'll start cereal and veggies and such. (just when you think you have this baby thing down, they go and throw in some developmental milestones and you're clueless once more!).

this is a (blurry) picture of his 2 front puppy teeth...also this is what it looks like from my perspective when i'm nursing him. terrifying. i risked my life to shoot this quick pic on my cell phone. he's like one of those belligerent drunk people who try to constantly start fights with you but then just as quickly are sobbing and slobbering all over you saying that they love you.

Henry, What Big Teeth You Have! The Better To Monster You With!

munchkin got his first tooth this week. it's been a long time coming with drooling and gnashing on everything.

it's a sharp little puppy tooth in the very front bottom. and the one next to it is working its way out, too.

in addition to the drooling, he's delighting us with a nose full of snot, too. so that shiny slick stuff he's dropping on everything/everyone- it's snot spit soup.

he's waking up a bit more at night and not taking great naps or eating quite as well as usual. and he's been on the fussier side of cheerful. but from what i understand, the pain of teething is so bad that if i was toothing i'd be hysterically demanding a morphine pump, so i think he's handling himself pretty well. still full of smiles. a tiny trouper.

and i guess this is his first cold, maybe. no temp or anything, just the congestion/snot and a dry cough- although, that might be from trying to keep on top of all that drool. in the middle of the night last night i broke out the nosefrida snotsucker and, contrary to my fears, it does give a pretty good clearance suck for him but i didn't end up with a mouth full of it.


we'll see how he feels this week. poor little love.

500+ Orphans No More!!

great cause! check it out if you're looking for some charitable giving or neat Christmas gifts. this is an organization that helps match special needs children (especially those with Down's Syndrome) from all over the world to their 'forever home' families. they do amazing work and have saved a lot of lives. we plan to give, i hope you do, too.

Grab This!

Happy (Better Late Than Never) Halloween!

pure joy. henry and robb are rolling around on the bed next to me right now both belly laughing. heart.

anyway. halloween.

we couldn't decide on a costume for hj, so we did several. our original plan was to make him "the creep" from snl, but i worried that if i eye-liner-ed a mustache on him it might leave a red mark behind and daycare would call the people in suits. or, that having a pencil mustache even for a small time might make him into a cat burglar or, worse, french.

so we skipped that one.

but we did make him...


a baby monster!!


a baby cow (veal)!!


a baby giraffe!! (in his natural habitat)


a baby PA!!


and a baby mob boss!!

i think next year he's going to be a baby "the dude."

we had a pretty quiet night passing out candy and relaxing. butterball will have a much more stimulating halloween next year, i suspect. :)

When In Doubt, Put Your Mouth On It

this applies to several things.

1. baby monster. everything, everything goes in/on/near that little mooth. he's like a slug leaving his slime trail all over the house. my chin is usually soggy from his, um, affection.

2. the dog licked breast milk off henry's mouth today. sigh. i just...i....whatcha gonna do.

3. i gained weight this weekend since i hate 3 cupcakes-in-a-jar (from robb= delish!) and 1/2 a vegan chocolate sheet cake that my dad made (amahzing!). ay yay yay. totally worth it.

Heart Fall.

i absolutely LOVE this time of year. love the newness of a fresh school year, love (the idea of, anyway. don't actually enjoy the sport that much. but really do like tailgating) football season, love the leaves changing and sweater weather. love that it's my anniversary, my birthday AND halloween all in one month. love that it is swiftly followed by thanksgiving and Christmas and that there's all kind of fun family gatherings around the corner.

we got married october 5th a lot so we could take advantage of the fall colors in pictures. i hired a professional photographer to come to our house last week for the same reason. i wanted family pics with the fall colors.

i'm having trouble picking because there are 50 and i need to narrow them down and order a reasonable amount! want to cover my house with pics of my kid but a) don't want to have to take a 2nd mortgage on the house whilst paying for the pics and 2) don't want to go TOO overboard to avoid henry geting a fat(ter) head and in case we have more children in the future and there would be no way we can compete in the adoration we heaped on henry.

so if you have an eye for photography and want to give your input, drop me a comment and i will send you a link to the site so you can help me pick the right pics! :)

:)

Look What Henry Made Me All By Himself!

so...sadly/happily my sister-nanny will be off to greener pastures soon. she is now officially a licensed RN (!), so i guess, really, her greener pastures will be dealing with adult feces instead of infant feces. a big step up. :)

but anyway, we're all super proud of her and excited for her future. it's been amahzing having her here with henry and helping around the house and we will miss her. (she was a total steal- a qualified nurse and excellent cook willing to work for just a little bit of money and a lot of slobbery baby kisses? fantastic. ).

but, we're also really comfortable with the daycare we found and feel good about him going there full time once she has moved on.

(although i must admit, robb has always dropped him off in the morning and i pick him up in the afternoons until last week when i took a day off to get ready for the dedication party and i dropped him off at daycare for a few hours so i could get stuff done. wowza. the leaving part is WAY worse than the picking up part. and it's not that i think henry is missing me while i'm gone it's that i am longing for him the whole time. eck.)

so far, from everything we've seen, this daycare center goes above and beyond. they are extremely diligent and thorough and do just an incredible job. the level of detail and care they show each baby monster is amazing.

and they are so organized. they have little cubbies and lockers and boxes all labeled with each baby's name. it's darling and very efficient. and they do arts and crafts! see below.

i get overwhelmed just trying to manage 1 infant for a few hours a night...they have some 6-10 infants at a time and yet the women are all peacefully tending to them and not crying and drinking in a corner. like i would be/am.

and the babies are hilarious to watch. most of the time they're being held or are in swings, bouncers, cribs, etc. but sometimes they're having floor time and when there's a pile of them on the mats on the floor it's like something out of the discovery channel. the bigger ones who can scoot or crawl inevitably trample the less mobile ones and they just paw all over each other- a hand ending up smashed in someone's nose, a knee in someone's diapered crotch. it's like watching sea turtles on a rock, scrambling up each other to get to the sun. they seem wholly unaware that they are on another person and not a piece of furniture.

i want to put on a safari hat and crouch and watch, speaking quietly into a microphone with a british accent as i observe these strange creatures in their native habitat.


henry's locker and his footprints as halloween decor.

Henry's Dedication at Genesis the Church 10/23/11

mr. man was dedicated today, which is our church's version of baptism (baptism is for adults when they can decide for their ownselves that they want to commit their life to God. a dedication is parents committing to God and the church that they'll raise the kid up knowing God).

the ceremony included a message from the pastor, us reading a letter to henry about our wishes for him and then all of our family and friends came around and prayed over him. it was awesome! and then we had brunch here at the house. henry was wonderful all day. he handled the chaos and attention just beautifully.

anyway...here is a copy of the letter that we wrote and read to him in front of the church.



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

henry monkey,

we love you. we've loved you for a long time. and we waited to meet you for a long time. we had losses and struggles that were very hard, but we survived them with the hope that we would one day know you and hold you safely in our arms. and now we get to!

we're so grateful God put you in our lives and in our home. we still can't really believe we get to keep you! what an incredible blessing you are to your mom and dad and grandmas and grandpas, great-grandparents, aunts and uncles, godparents and many more. you have about a million people who love you already and, you will learn over time, they are really good at it.

you are just a few months old but already you've shown yourself to be a fun and sweet guy fascinated by the world. we are so excited to help you explore it and to figure out your place in it. you are strong and healthy and happy, chatty and funny. and we are impressed by your unusually deep voice for a baby.

we don't know who you'll grow up to be but we pray that you will always know that you are loved. and that you know the confidence, strength and peace of God walking by your side.

we will do our best to teach you to be a kind, loving, smart, and graceful person and to not mess you up good. no promises.

we thank God every day for your health, your smile and that belly laugh that sort of sounds like ET. we welcome you with open arms into God's family.

you were worth the wait.

love,

mom and dad

What's That You Were Saying...?

i find that i am very rude as a mom.

several times a day i walk away from a conversation realizing that i can't recall the second half of someone's story. which means that i either stopped listening half way through or they stopped telling it because something came up with the baby and my attention was pulled away.

i said i'd never do that. i HATE it when friends are crappy conversationalists because they're distracted by their kids.

or, rather, i used to hate it. i totally get it now. it's not that what you're saying isn't interesting, it's that my baby is way MORE interesting to me. :) plus, i know that he will LOSE HIS SHIT if i ignore him. you might just pout a little.

and sorry to any friends who had kids before me if i acted put out when you ignored me for your kids. i now know it's just part of the deal. your kid's snot bubble was more pressing than my telling you about how i killed a man with a trident. i understand.

and now i should find myself a safehouse or a relative close by. lay low for a while... :)



(for my mom: that last stuff won't make sense because it is a quote from the movie "anchorman: the legend of ron burgandy." and i didn't actually kill anyone. )

Holy Busy, Batman

working full time + henry-ing= wow. very busy. i find i have very little time to do things like keep up with the house and finish projects (still working on finishing applications for life insurance, a trust fund for McMonkey and re-financing the house. we started all these months ago. if we finish by the time henry starts kindergarten, i'll feel accomplished).

also finding it hard to find time to *blog* and answer emails and check in with friends who are going through stuff in their own lives (fertility issues abound- so common and so shitty. i want to beat up this thing that causes so much pain to the ones i love). if you're one of those i'm neglecting currently- I'M COMING, HOLD ON!!

and it's been ridonculously busy at work, so that doesn't help. yipes. i'm training new people and PA students and so i can't pick my nose without someone asking about my technique. it's exhausting.

but, hark! it's the weekend! and tonight we're relaxing as a tiny family and then tomorrow we go to see more of our family and it'll be great! plus the university of whatever is playing whatnot state university, their big rivals, so it'll be a fun football weekend, too. since i had a baby i get out of having to actually GO to the games. now i just dress him up in team spirit, drink a bloody mary and then go inside where it's warm while the other suckers sit in the stands and get rained upon.

anywho- the pediatrician's visit this week went well. h-diddy is right on track and strong. he was standing up (with little help) on the exam table when the doc walked in and she exclaimed about how strong and coordinated he is. he giggled and smiled at her while she did the exam. and then he clawed up/chewed up the paper cover that goes over the table like the baby monster that he
is.

and since he'd had some diarrhea and was a little out of sorts that day, i postponed his vaccines. will get them next week when i know he's 100%.

here are his current stats:

-weight- 15lbs 13oz (75th%)
-height- 25 1/4" (75%)
-head circumference- 16 1/2" (50th%)

Four Months Old and Feeling Fine

little monkeystein is officially 4 months old and he is doing AWESOME! he is sweet, funny, easy-going and growing and developing just beautifully. he is a very likable chap. robb said the other day that he thinks henry will be "one of those people who everybody likes." :) so far he is quite charming and likable.

he has his 4 month appt on tuesday. well see then what his official weight, height, etc are. but for now we'll just report that he seems appropriately chubbly.

he is sitting with assistance and rolls over onto his side occasionally on his own. he is intentionally reaching out to grasp things now but doesn't have a whole lot of control over it. he smiles and laughs A LOT, and now with merely a silly song or look from us, it no longer requires we do gymnastics and such.

he's sleeping roughly 8-9 straight hrs/night and still takes a couple good long naps every day. he eats 7-8 times/day and eats great either nursing or from a bottle (about 5-6 ozs at a time). he is in size 3-6 month clothes, so that's normal and he just moved up to the #2 nipples (this is fascinating, isn't it? more for my friends with newborns than anyone else who is probably forking themselves in the eye right now out of boredom) and is in regular sized cloth diapers.

things to report/admit: i have dropped him JUST ONCE. and it was only a few inches and into his carseat. but it was directly onto his face. in macy's. with a lot of witnesses. he doesn't seem harmed by it. that side of his head was always sort of smooshed, right? :) builds character.

what else...he has started to notice the dog a bit. fistfulls of hair and howls won't be long now. and his fat thighs and feet are very ticklish. which is good, because you can't really keep your hands off them.

so that's what 4 month old hj looks like. life with him gets better every day.

Juggling a Lot of Balls, Don't Drop the Baby Ball

a friend recently asked me what it's really like being a mom. i said it's even better than i thought it would be. and i thought it would be amazing.

i said that i'm happier than i've been in my whole life. my heart feels full and content just watching him watch the world. and when he makes eye contact and smiles at me, every cell in my body does a happy dance. i want to spin around in joyful circles like when i was a little kid to make my dress swoosh around me.

but i also told her it's the hardest thing i've ever done. i'm exhausted and stressed and short of time always and knee deep in filthy house and irritable at work and toward robb....

the thing is, all i do is think about, worry about and plan for henry. all i want to do is play with and care for him all the time. he is all consuming. but there are about a million other things i HAVE to do, too. and not enough hours to do it all in. working full time (plus) and nursing and otherwise mommy-ing while trying to keep a reasonably organized house and life and pay bills enough that at least the lights stay on and occasionally exercising and maybe even getting a haircut now and then all on 5 hrs of sleep...hard to do. i need a personal assistant and maid and trainer and cook. (the last one i sort of already have).

i'm learning to let things go and just to take those little hugs now, i can answer that email later or clean the floors later. and they'll always send a notice before they shut the power off, right? :)

years ago when robb and i first started discussing whether or not we wanted to have kids, i was worried about how they might cramp my style. i was worried that they might interfere with my pursuits and try to steal things that are precious to me like sleep and going out to movies and restaurants and my youth and such. i was afraid i would become automatically mom-ish and un-cool after kids.

and i would tell people who are considering having kids that it is the GREATEST thing in the world (at least it is with my kid, can't guarantee you won't end up with a total pill, i guess). but that you have to be prepared to be totally, wholly consumed by the child and that everything else will fall back. it's work you're happy to do- even changing diapers and doing his laundry is enjoyable because it's HIS and he's great, but it is a lot of work.

i think because we waited so long, and then because we had all the problems we did in getting him here in the first place, we feel mostly prepared to make these sacrifices and make him our total priority. but it's still hard sometimes.

and you really will just have to give up on trying to be cool. (robb would like to interject here, ahem, that i have never been cool, so this is not a loss). there is nothing cool about nursing bras. there is nothing cool about finding yourself in grocery store in sweatpants and sandals, hair pulled back, no makeup on singing loony songs into a shopping cart like crazy homeless cat lady.

but i guess i don't care anymore. if he smiles at my songs about henry monkey tails, it was totally worth the strange look i got from the teenage bagger.

This Would Power All of Monstropolis.

And That's How You Endear Yourself to Hotel Staff

first vacation with the baby. like, real vacation where we're staying in a hotel among strangers instead of with family. who have to love us.

it requires a lot of packing. and planning. and apologizing.

we're in the home town of all of our parents, but we're staying downtown in a fancy shmancy hotel (courtesy of my parents- thank you very much!) so we can enjoy the art competition going on in the city and so that we can celebrate our anniversary (oct 5, next weds, 9 yrs).

so last night on our way into town, our usual 2 hour trip took 4 hrs. there was tons of traffic and it was rainy and henrymonkeymonster required several stops for feeding and voiding. we (FINALLY) got to my in-laws hours late to drop the dog and have a visit and they fed us an amazing vegan meal (from the thrive diet and alicia silverstone's new cookbook) and so we didn't get to the hotel until after 11.

when we arrived we valet'd the car (see? we are VERY fancy) and had a bellhop help us with all of our bags. the count on our bags is something like 36. for only 4 months old, kid has a lot of baggage. (har har har)

we got up to our room around midnight and got settled in. exhausted (up since 5am, worked all day), we just wanted to go to sleep but i happened to notice that the cooler bag with all of our bottles full of breast milk was missing. now why would this matter, since i'm nursing anyway, you ask?

BECAUSE I WANTED TO DRINK. we have a babysitter (my mum) saturday night and I WANTED TO DRINK on our hot date. we went out to a fancy romantical dinner to celebrate our anniversary and I WANTED TO DRINK. and if i had no pre-pumped reserve milk, i would have to be running back and forth to the hotel to nurse him and...

we scoured our room and...nothing. so we called the front desk to see if we'd left it somewhere down there while checking in. no, haven't seen it, we'll have the valet folks pull the car around. now, mind you, we had been there less than an hour and had already had them pull the car around one to retrieve my cell phone, so now we are TRULY, 'those people.'

and the car comes up with nothing. the front desk manager is calling us every 10 minutes to report progress. offering to buy us formula, etc. robb goes down to the lobby and searches around. the manager calls the bellhop and his manager. at one point they thought maybe it had gotten mixed up and dropped off in another room (i'm envisioning strangers making caucasians with my breast milk). but it hadn't.

so then they looked at the security footage. it hadn't fallen off or been stolen by another hungry baby or anything. we were all perplexed.

then the manager called back and asked just how big the bag was. small! smaller than a loaf of bread. but way more important!

well, ma'am, we see in the footage someone putting a small bag in the bottom of the stroller...could it be there?

shit.

yes, it could be there. it could be in the mesh pocket in the stroller, folded up leaning against the wall, sitting 3 feet from me this whole time.

d'oh! so we made a bunch of people jump through a bunch of hoops for our own stupidity.

but the story ends well with us enjoying a wonderful dinner (and a glass of cabernet AND a martini!!) and henry enjoying great time with his grandma, having his own caucasian. hold the kahlua. hold the vodka. hold the ice.

Boob Juice Is Full of Vitamin SHAZAM!

so, early on nursing was really hard, for both henry and myself. but now that we're in month #4 and he's bigger and more coordinated and i'm more confident and used to it, i feel like we've really gotten the hang of it.

and i love it! i'm over the bizarre/freak out/invasion of the body snatchers thing and just think it's really darn cool that i can sustain him (ie: make his knees so fat they've lost all definition) with just my body. i even think the white white milk is kind of pretty. (is that totally strange?). and when i'm at work and away from him for 9 hrs a day, it gives me a little joy to be still taking care of his needs by pumping to feed him the following day. it's a quiet few minutes when i can think about him and look at his pictures and get my mind out of the work chaos and onto the important chaos.

i feel extremely blessed that i've been able to breast feed. not everyone can, and i'm just really glad that i have been able to, and that's it's been fairly easy for me (look ma, no bloody nipples!).

and...so even if you're not all up in the whole baby world or the medical world, you have probably still been inundated with the concept that breast milk is like sunshine dust when it comes to feeding babies. it's the most nutricious, full of the bestest fats and germ-fighters and brain-boosters. it fights autism and obesity and nuclear war. it is like liquid miracle and kids that get it will grow bigger, stronger, smarter and have more teeth. they will excel in spelling and punctuality. they will be able to dive off the high dive by their 3rd tiny tadpole swimming lesson and they will skip crawling and walking and will be dancing like ginger rogers by 6 months. and they will never talk back.

:) of course i'm being silly (see, i was breast fed, so i have an enhanced sense of comic timing), but in truth, there are lots of good reasons to attempt to get a baby as much breast milk as possible- by breast feeding your own milk, pumping and bottle feeding your own milk or bottle feeding donated milk from someone else.

of course, some people are unable to breast feed and should NOT feel like they've somehow let down their child. formula is a fine alternative designed to provide the same basic good juju as breast milk. but i think people who don't at least give it the ol' college try (in my experience, it's a cultural thing- if your mom and your mom's mom did or didn't breast feed, you're taught to/not to do it. same thing with using glass versus metal casserole dishes or mayo/miracle whip) are missing out. if you are able to do it and stick with it long enough that it stops sucking, it becomes cheaper, more convenient, and gives your baby all the skillz he needs to succeed in the world. like fat knees and hands.

but it's also an extremely personal thing and its not for everybody. the lactation consultants and la leche leaguers have gotten a bad rep for pushing the nursing agenda so militantly. it can really be off-putting to have some strange lady squeezing your inflamed nipple while lecturing you on nipple confusion. tina fey in her book "bossy pants" (if you haven't read it yet, leave this blog, go directly to amazon and buy it. so good! so funny! so smart! then come back.) says...

"There are a lot of different opinions as to how long one should breastfeed. The World Health Organisation says six months. The American Association of Pediatrics says one year is ideal. Mothering magazine suggests you nurse the child until just before his wedding rehearsal. I say you must find what works for you. For my little angel and me the magic number was about 72 hours."

she goes on to say that breast feeding moms can be really smarmy and act all superior about it and are only humbled by the MORE sacrificial, compassionate moms- those who have adopted their children. it's really funny, but it's also probably really true. i hope i'm never an a-hole about the fact that i'm nursing.

and please, may i never discuss nipple cream with my friends without kids. i've been on the other side of THAT disaster and i gotta tell you, i still haven't really forgiven this person. you know who you are. no, not you. YOU! the one with the chafed up chest berries and one less Christmas card in the mail every year.

The Papas and the Mamas: A Message from The Robb

my father-in-law inadvertently gave me some good advice during his "oh, god, are you sure you want to do this?" speech when we informed him of our plan to get married. he said that when you're married you'll always feel like you're sacrificing much more to your spouse than you receive; it's rarely true, but it will feel like that. and having a baby is much the same. no matter how many nights sarah gets up to change henry's diaper or how many mornings she wakes up at 5 to feed him, i focus on the nights where she fell asleep on the couch at 9:30 while i do the dishes and the laundry, and then feed and change henry at 10:30. most nights i'm lucky if i'm asleep by midnight. but most mornings, sarah's lucky if she can sleep to 5 without a 4am diaper change.

early infancy is definitely a mother's game. she carries and births the baby. she gets the time off with the baby. she has the breast milk to feed the baby. she has earned her relationship with the baby. but one thing i picked from reading "the happiest baby on the block," is that while the desire to soothe the baby is instinctive, the knowledge of how to do this is not. while the mother has earned her role, she is not a magical being who holds the secrets of the baby. so i read the books and learned the techniques, too, and with the same passion and energy that apply to anything else i'm really excited about doing. very quickly i got very good at taking care of the baby to the extent that i could.

the one really obvious thing i can do as a father that is very gender neutral is change a diaper. in the first few weeks of henry's life, when sarah was so exhausted from breastfeeding and vigilance, the one relief i could provide her was changing his diaper. i got so good at it that she started calling me the "diaper wizard," which is way better than the "lazy, video game playing, internet surfing wizard."

the reason for all of this, though, is because i want to do it. i desperately want to be as useful to my son as sarah is, within practical limits. i want to have the time with him. i want to see him smile, hear him laugh, and have the incredible satisfaction of providing for his needs. i have learned that people most love the things that need them the most. and my love for my son has grown with the scope of my care for him. no wonder so many men feel alienated from their infants when they are unable or unwilling (or disallowed) to care for them.

being a good dad also helps with those in-laws who might still be on the fence about me. :)

The Mamas and the Papas

recently i've noticed people reacting in shock and awe when they see robb taking care of the baby. our daycare center ladies (the "misses") think it's great that he drops henry off in the morning and knows his ass from his elbow when it comes to hj's care. and when robb was wearing him in a sling the other day at the mall...man, it was like robb was the pied piper and cute girls were his rats. ok, i get that men with babies and puppies are total panty droppers. that's not what surprised me. what surprised me was that everyone was so impressed that he was handling his son and taking good care of him. he didn't need my permission or blessing or instructions to meet henry's needs- he just did it.

apparently even in this day and age, where most of the time both partners work full time and (allegedly) share domestic responsibilities, the children are STILL considered the mom's job and the dad is just a trusty assistant (or not).

well, homey don't play dat. we decided before we even started working on 'this whole baby thing' that we were either both all in or it wasn't going to happen. henry isn't my kid more than he is robb's, so we're both the experts (and the total flops, depending on the moment).

now...all that self-congratulatory, aren't-we-so-progressive stuff aside, we're struggling just like anybody with the mom/dad issues.

i had 12 uninterrupted weeks with henry 24 hrs/day. robb got 2 weeks and then had to go back to work. so he was jealous of the time we shared, naturally, and in all that time with henry, i got to know his ins and outs really well, also naturally. and i feed him, so there's that. robb gives him a bottle now and then, but mostly all those hours spent each day with him growing fat at the teet are just him and me. so between the fact that he saw my mug most of the day for the first few months of life and that i smell like milk (you like sugar, huh? "is there sugar in *breast milk*?" yea... "then YES"), there are times that i can comfort him more easily or make him laugh sooner, etc. and it takes all of my self control to not swoop in sometimes and try to "fix" whatever it is that i see robb doing 'wrong.' and sometimes i fail at this. and, really, it's not wrong, how he's doing it, it's just different than how i do it.

and it drives robb crazy that i'm hovering and suggesting obvious fixes and such. naturally.

and when i was on leave, i was only too happy to give robb plenty of alone time with henry at night after i'd had him all day...but now that i'm working the same hours that robb works, i want me some henry time at night, too! so we're sort of tug-of-warring on him all the time.

and do i secretly in my dark evil little heart sometimes think to myself that i DESERVE more time with henry because i was the one who had to take the hormones that turned me into sweat soup and i was the one who was pregnant with hemorrhoids and aching feet and i was in labor for most of a day and it was my genitals that were all to' up and my boobs are all inflated mockeries of their old selves and i have to run between cases at work all day to pump milk and i sometimes spill breast milk on my scrubs and it's totally embarrassing and i sometimes have to wake up in the middle of the night to feel the hungry baby bird while robb sleeps peacefully???

no. i've never thought that. how could you suggest that?

:)

we'll figure it out, but it's been a little rough. i am very thankful i have the fella i do, because most of my guy friends with kids just write off the first 6 months of their kids' lives because they feel useless and can't rough house with the kids yet, so they let their wives be the main parent and they just act as parent aids.

i'm glad our 'problem' is that we both want to spend all of our time and energy taking perfect care of our perfect boy. this is a good 'problem' to have.

and now, for your enjoyment...i call it "naked baby butt."