Bounce Bounce Bounce Snore.

we had a marvelous Easter. big breakfast and great church service and lots of running around in the sunshine and eating more good food and visiting with family and drawing with chalk and riding our bikes(!)...it felt like actual spring!  and it was amahzing. sunshine really does make everything seem great.

Easter 2012 and Easter 2013

tons of fun. but busy fun.

i'm hoping that one of these weekends we can just. do. nothing. i don't see it happening for a long while. we've had a chaotic march and april and may are expected to be the same.

robb and i both are finding ourselves in new jobs, starting in the next few weeks. big excitement, but also stressful change. we are feeling mostly relief that we won't be having to move across the country or anything, but will instead be staying local, in this community that we love.

this is pretty much how we feel about our home and our lives here.



so there's a lot of newness and changes afoot. and big celebrations coming up- both robb and henry's bday in the next couple months, a few weddings...busy and fun. and less than a month until disney!!!

if we don't sleep through it all.

sleep is not happening for us these days. i don't know if it's that henry j. monkeybutt is getting his molars, or what, but he's (and we's) up by 5:30 every morning. and rising that early hasn't changed how much tom-foolery and trickery happens on the bedtime end of things. he's not going to bed any earlier and putting him down is still like a chess match where the winner gets to keep some of his/her sanity. just now, i found myself like in poe, creeping out of his room one infinitesimal hair at a time, deliberately and delicately, watching the whole time for any signs of changes in the bed. cripes.

i'm pretty sure that was on a list of what "i'll never do as a parent" i wrote back when i was making those kind of lists. oh, honey. 

anywho. that's the what's what on us right now. i've got a lot of post ideas back-logged that i swear i'll get to just as soon as i can.

hope you all had a beautiful Easter, too.  :)

How Not to Be an Obnoxious Pregnant Person or Parent

there's a lot of great posts out there about how not to be rude to pregnant women and parents of young children. and that's important.

but i see a lot of pregnant women/parents being rude back to society, so i want to lay down some ground rules. feel free to disagree with me, but this needs to be said because the way we parents inflict ourselves and our offspring on other people can be, at the least, irritating, and at the most, hurtful. to non-pregnant people and people without children (either by choice or misfortune or some of both).

and i recognize the irony of getting this lecture from someone with a blog all about the PAINFULLY graphic minutia of my own pregnancies and now the PAINFULLY graphic details of the adorable adorableness of my own child....but y'all signed up to follow me, so tough titties (and they were! see this post)


1. so you got knocked up! well done! now shut up. so here's the thing, the miracle of life really is, miraculous. incredible. insane. BUT it also happens to most critters. you are merely one of them. you are not the first one, nor the last, and those symptoms you're experiencing, both good and bad, are not unique to you. you can't really "win" at pregnancy (unless you can "lose" and i reject that notion right away), so stop trying to compete to be the skinniest, most zenniest, most prepared-iest pregnant person you know. it's annoying. also, you are not going to enjoy every second of pregnancy, and putting that kind of pressure on yourself is a terrible idea. there are some less fun parts. you're also not going to hate every second of it. there are some good parts. IN ANY CASE, do NOT feel compelled to talk about everything you are experiencing with everyone you know. pick your audience wisely. while your parents, siblings, bff, and spouse might care that you're engorged or might want to sit for 40 minutes with their hands pressed under your ribs hoping to feel something that might be a kick or might be indigestion, your boss, other coworkers, most strangers, and financial planners will not. don't ask. just because you're obsessed with your changing body and the body that's changing in yours, doesn't mean everyone else cares. and you going on and on about it can be painful to people who are dying to be pregnant or who have had upsetting pregnancy experiences. be very mindful of that. don't take an indulgent smile as encouragement to go on and on.

2. so you got your kid! well done! now shut up. there is this secret that we speak about in hushed voices over wine at adult gatherings. 'we like our own kids WAY MORE than we like other peoples' kids.' there you go. now you know. you'll be relieved when you have your own that you do enjoy it as much as you do, because, face it, you weren't 100% enthusiastic about your neighbor's nasty spawn and you were worried that meant you're not a baby person. it's fine. you'll be over the moon about yours. it's how it works. BUT your kid will probably be the 'nasty spawn' for somebody else. even if he/she is delightful, he/she is still needy and inconvenient and loud and smelly. it's what they do. so be mindful about sharing boring long stories or videos or endless pictures of every gesture, word, and body product your child emits. they're probably only interesting to that same list we discussed above (your parents, sibs, bff, spouse). in addition to not monopolizing conversations about the boring details of your baby's feeding schedule, also make every effort to focus on the adult you're conversing with, and not to be distracted by the shiny object that is your child. (this one is a personal pet peeve to me. just because now you have kids doesn't mean you're a parent and nothing else. what happened to the person(ality) you had before? hello? are you in there? what did we USED to talk about? and unless you're seeking crucial advice or making me genuinely laugh, why are you bothering me with the inane details of life with your kid that are EXACTLY like the inane details of life with any other kid?) ok. i'm done now.

3. stop whining. this couldn't be more important. you are pregnant or you have your kid now. there are so many people who would give anything to be in your shoes. of course life with a(n) fetus/newborn/infant/toddler/whatever comes after toddler can get frustrating and stressful now and then, but try hard to focus on the fun you're having, the blessing you've been given. especially when talking to anyone not on that list (parents, sibs, bff, spouse). my little miracle is 98% perfection and 2% maniacal monster. and it's important i vent about his monstering to the list people who are in the trenches with me, it helps keep me sane....BUT i never complain about his behavior or rough nights or anything to anyone else. it's not fair. and it's too easy to fall into a pity party and forget the 98% amazing. which is an excellent rating, by the way.

4. stop gloating. equally important. again, we discussed the fact that you're not the first pregnant person/parent in the world and, i hate to tell you if you haven't already lived long enough to conclude this for yourself, but....you're not that special. i mean, you're a beautiful child of the universe and God thinks you're the cat's meow, but, be gracious and be careful how you go about and to whom you declare your thrill.

5. stop being dramatic. holy crap- sack up. women all over history and all over the world today work in the fields IN THE FIELDS, PEOPLE, through their whole pregnancy. squat to deliver, wrap that thing up, throw it over their shoulder, stopping to breast feed once in a while, and keep on working. same goes for once you have the kid- everything is NOT an emergency, and the world is not actually, in fact, out to get you just because your kid hates cereal. don't be a princess...or, if you have to, be the new disney princesses that are tough and cool and taking on the world. another pet peeve- all the over-the-top pregnancy huggy belly pics people can't help themselves from taking. i've probably posted these before, but it's worth a revisit:  these ones are the best.   but these are also quite good.

6. there really are places inappropriate for children. there just are. anywhere you patronize where you would not be happy if someone walked in with an orangutan and sat down next to you, you should not take your young child. do not take your small person anywhere where a noise or feces explosion would be a major problem for the other guests. it's just not right. (airplanes maybe are an exception- but go out of your way to be accommodating, generous, apologetic to everyone around you and be uber prepared to feed/entertain your monkey).

7. don't make assumptions (ass = u + me) about someone's child-liness. i almost forgot a big one. learn ways to ask someone if they have kids WITHOUT asking if they have kids. if you must ask at all. better to let someone offer it. parents often go bulldozing into a conversation about their own children and then, when they're done talking about timmy's orthodontics, they just blatantly ask the person with whom they're conversing if they, also, have children. it's not meant to be cruel or anything, but, for a lot of people facing that questions, the answer is...'it's complicated.'  for people who are struggling to have/keep a pregnancy or adoption, for those who've suffered losses,  who have determined they can't or choose not to have kids, who aren't having kids for health reasons, if they're not in a relationship conducive to having kids, etc, etc. there are a million reasons someone might not really want to talk about their kid situation, and it feels presumptive and hurtful to be confronted with that question. i've been on both awkward sides of this awkward conversation. i remember especially at one Christian women's conference- i had just had a miscarriage and this lady (who of course had no way of knowing that) talked about her kids and then asked if i have any. i said no, and basically the conversation just died. like we couldn't possibly connect on any other points if i didn't have kids or like she couldn't understand what life choices had brought me to a point where i would be my age and child-less. i felt very judged and very isolated. and i've been on the other side where i carelessly asked someone if they have kids and they stammer something about "no...not yet....you know..." and i just want to fall into the floor, i feel so badly that i put them on the spot. i've learned to ask "so what family do you have?" or i'll lead in with my dog- "so i have a little boy and also a greyhound dog- do you have any pets or anything at home?" it's not perfect, but it might be a little better.

ok. i feel better. this has long been brewing. comment if you think i'm right/wrong/evil or if you want to add any or discuss any points.

Dance, Monkey, DANCE!

sassy mollassy is all attitude lately, and it's, mostly, a hella lot of fun. i think we're seeing a preview of what are known as the 'terrible two's' with his willfullness and unpredictable meltdowns. but at least so far, it's nothing that's making me want to sell him.

so that's good.

he also sings almost full songs now and labels things as "funny" and "delicious." when you ask him a question, he'll casually say, "yea." maybe not the most polite response, but to the point, friendly enough.  he also says "no" a LOT more often, mind you. and now when we offer him the choice between two things (usually a dumb idea) instead of just laughing maniacally, he knows what he wants and picks one.

and i cannot get enough of this video. it was much longer before i cut it down. i stopped it just before he totally wiped out on the floor. and then after he got up, he wandered over to under the highchair and started picking up stale pieces of food off the floor and tasting them. and then he tried to grab a knife off the dining room table, all while i filmed and giggled. so while i'm not showing you any of this ace parenting, i'm fessing up to it right here.

(but you can't prove anything).

For the Record, Cats Do Not Wear Boots

there is this certain genre of movies. marginalized and little talked about, because it only appeals to rougher, more disgusting members of society, those who we tend to look down on.

the films are usually kept in a separate section of the video store that only 'certain people' venture into. occasionally one of these films breaks out into the mainstream and even gets lauded by critics, but usually films in this genre are seen as pedantic and embarrassing and only good for servicing one purpose.

to be fair, some are actually decent, even having good plots and a little character development, but most have weak story lines and terrible dialogue, starring 'actors' who are willing to do anything for money. they are nothing but 90 minutes of gratuitous filler that, again, only appeals to certain smaller-minded individuals.

all that being said, it is a billion dollar industry and has birthed many franchises. most of the original films now have parts 1, 2, 3, 4 and onward- some having up to 10 sequels, each more tasteless and inconsequential than the last.

by the time you get to 'the neverending story III' -the story of a young boy defending the portal between Earth and the world of Fantasia from a group of bullies-...all the good has been sucked out.

i mean, even if the hero wins, there is just no happy ending for anyone watching that movie, you know what i mean?

i'm talking, of course, about children's movies.

today i unwittingly picked up, in the children's section at my local movie dealership, what i THOUGHT was the 'shrek' franchise sequel/prequel/melequel "puss in boots" starring antonio banderas and salma hayek. 

i was wrong. what i got was "the true story of puss 'n boots." starring (sigh) william shatner. and a bunch of random french people.

instead of a funny and sharp-witted hour and a half of fart jokes and big-eyed sexy-accented felines, i got this disaster. 

i was only half watching it as we had it on after dinner to entertain henry and our friends' daughter so that we grown-people could talk to each other and ignore our children, but the little that i saw was poorly animated and terribly written. in fact, the first customer review on amazon goes:

"NOT PUSS N BOOTS FROM SHREK More like Puss N CRAP Factory. " -Dave O

so there you go.

and...shatner. is there, literally, NOTHING that guy won't do for money? he must have one hell of an addiction he's feeding. it doesn't seem like it's drugs...he's too motivated for heroin and too chubby for cocaine. maybe it's something weird like pieces of the moon or thomas kinkade originals. 

here is where i conclude this post with a bit of witty repartee about being careful how you pick your puss, etc, etc.  if i weren't such a classy broad, i might also be compelled to make a joke about how, though i'm looking forward to the upcoming "monsters, inc" prequel, i reserve concern that they 'shot their load' with the first movie and it just won't rise to our expectations. and, lastly, if i weren't such a lady, i might end with a comment about how, although the children movie industry is flawed, and some of its films are silly and trite, others are profoundly touching and have deeply penetrated our hearts and minds.


:)

(you see how i did that there?)

Demonstrating Excellent Medical and Parental Judgement Every Day

well, our monday started off great after a wonderful weekend (zoo. fam dinner date friday. friends dinner/movie date saturday. warm weather. spring cleaning). monday is my day off and robb's off right now, so we all spent a few hours snuggling and continuing to deep clean the house, and then i took henry to day care and went to yoga and robb took mia dog to get her final sutures out! all was well in our world.

and as i was walking out from yoga, all zen'd out, namaste'ing the world all around me, i checked my phone and found a voicemail from daycare, saying henry had run head-first into a corner of a table and split his lip all the way through.

eh.

so we raced to go pick him up. i was picturing him wailing and gnashing and bleeding all over (nobody makes him bleed his own blood. nobody), but when we got there, he was being pushed around the school by the director in this giant stroller sled thing and was hollering "weeeeeeee!!!" and "mommy! boo boo!" all grins and giggles.

and the lip didn't look too bad at that point, but i remember enough from PA school about lip injuries to know sometimes they require a plastic surgeon/dentist, depending on the damage, and i couldn't really see what was going on up in there.

so we took our first trip to the ER. can i just pause real quick to say THANK YOU GOD that monkey is almost 2 years old and this was our first visit to the EC and it was for NOTHING?

yea, so basically with good lighting it was obvious that nothing should be done other than to pat us on the head and tell me to get my yoga-stinkin-hyper-active-mom-ass out of there to make room for people with actual problems. so we did just that.

we kept him with us the rest of the day and he was fine, fine, fine. there was occasional discussion of the boo boo, but i think he was just using it when he wanted to "WATCH TV" (he chants this constantly, and then names the show flavor he's got a taste for "DINSORE TRAIN CHOO CHOO" or "GEORGE" or "ELMOOOO"....have i also mentioned that when i'm flipping channels to find a cartoon he says, very seriously, irritatedly as i pass cooking shows, news, sitcoms, anything without talking animals, "no." "no." "no." ...monster, we have created.)

we also baked cookies. cookies are soft and great for mouth injuries. i know this because i went to PA school. 

21 Months of Fuuuuunnnnn

this funny little person is now 21 months! he's so silly and ridiculous and wonderful and witty. we fall in love more with him daily. so thankful for who he has become so far.






stone cold ridiculous. (he's fine, by the way).

The Good, The Bad, and The...Good Personality

boy, it's been a week. ups and downs and lots of new questions. in an attempt to keep the world balanced, i'm reviewing the happy and the rotten events that have transpired.

in happy news, a good friend of mine got a splendid job that she wanted badly that brings her closer to her hubby (and, incidentally, also to me)

in rotten news:  robb (and half his department) was laid off from his company last week. sudden and shocking, but we're hopeful and excited for change.

in happy news: our greyhound, mia has gotten through two amputations on the same toe to remove a skin(claw) cancer and the pathology report shows that they got it all! and no more pain/limp/misery!

in rotten (stinking, festering sewage rot) news:  our good friends  have fought the good fight for a long time and yet still their 1st attempt at IVF did not work, they are not pregnant. they were reallllly hoping they wouldn't have to look at it as their "1st attempt" but would instead have all that bloody nonsense behind them and be good and knocked up by now. sigh. rest, recover, rebuild. sigh again.

in happy news: we had a GORGEOUS cold weekend at my parents' peaceful river cabin with monkey and the fam. great for the soul.

in rotten (you're stupid, nobody likes you, news) news: a good friend's body is rebelling against her AGAIN! she's a total spitfire hero survivor genius and will conquer all, but for now, her mind and body are both troubled.

in big happy news: baby CURED (cured! cured!) of HIV. this one saved and Dr. Science working up larger scale solution from it. huzzah.

and we'll leave it there, on a happy note, i think. otherwise we could go all night.

so, prayers if you got them in you would be greatly appreciated. both in thanks for all the great stuff of the world and also asking that everyone who is lost and hurting or feels alone or like they're at their wit's end is granted some peace and strength and a real sense of hope and healing and empowerment.

Guns Don't Kill People: Babies Kill People

i remember my mom telling me that when i was a little tyke (is 'tyke' gender neutral? is it tykess for a girl? hmm. it's relevant, wait for it) they had great hopes of keeping me as uninfluenced by gender stereotypes as possible. but, apparently, by the tender age of 12 months, i already knew at the toy store that i wanted to be in the doll aisle and definitely NOT the truck aisle.

and i've been observing some differences between our little boy monster and our good friends' daughter monster. both are around age 2.

for one thing, this week henry started picking up any long stick-like toy and pointing it at us and going "SCHHEW SCHHEW" which i'm pretty certain is a shooting sound.

so i find myself saying, "no, henry. we don't shoot our friends. we play miniature golf with our friends." or "let's cut the pretend fruit with the pretend knife instead of pretend shoot mommy in the head with it."

so there's that charming development that their daughter is not doing. what she is doing, however, is fake crying and carrying on and using all kinds of evasive maneuvers (lies?) to get what she wants. some of that wiley-ness could be that she's older and wiser than henry, but some of it could be that she's a small lady. and we ladies are known for our abilities to manipulate our environments in our favor. :)

it will be interesting to see how things develop over time. and it makes me wonder how many subconcious gender influencers we're actually giving our kids. i mean, every time i put a football shirt on him or everytime she gets a bow in her hair are we unwitingly telling them what they should be into? how they should represent themselves?

hmmm....

and for the record, i'm still not into trucks. and i am into 'girly' things like horses and theater...but i'm also into raunchy bro flicks and drinking whiskey. and my mom probably has long since concluded that she needn't worry about me being too girly. i remember her lecturing me before prom not about being virtuous on prom night, but about not farting openly at the dinner table on my date.

so i think we landed somewhere in the middle. :)