Managing the Deuce

http://youtu.be/etWWt-buZW0

i can't embed stuff on my ipad, so you'll just have to click on that link there your ownself. it's worth the extra effort. it's anna snarfing down some creamed kale. kid don't mess around. she's feeding herself. like a beast. 

she's also pulling herself forward with her giant strong upper body. BEAST. 

anyway. i've been telling people since i had anna how much easier baby #2 is. and it's true. but i've been reflecting about why and i've decided...it's not really because you know you didn't break the first one and so you feel calmer/less likely to break this one. it's not that you know how all the stuff works and can swaddle and mash bananas into avocado in your sleep with both hands busy playing with LEGOs and your eyes closed while breast feeding. 

it's because your life is already a crazy freaking goat rodeo after the first one and so, eh, what's another goat?

at least for me. i mean, i already didn't really sleep. for example, my darling 3 year old child woke up 3 times last night. and the baby woke up twice. i mean, what's the diff, right? (when i was putting henry to bed the first time, he said, 'GUESS WHAT, MOMMY? I LOVE YOU LOTS' and so....at 2am when he said, 'SNUGGLE WITH ME' it was still ringing in my ears, and so i said, ummm, yeah. ok). 

also, your house is already a mess. i mean, there's sticky, sometimes sharp, mostly colorful shit everywhere. it is what it is. that was a new crush of stuff the first time, this time it's already there. you're already tripping on everything and stepping in uncertain substances in the dark. 

and your time and energy is already dedicated to making your small person happy, so small 'people' is about the same. you already sleep through movies you really wanted to watch b/c you didn't have time to start it until 11pm after all the kids stuff was done...you already have given up all pretense toward exercise and hobbies because you just kind of want to stare at his eyelashes a little more or read ONE more book....

so, you're already a parent. you just get to do it again. and it's fine. it's great, actually. because it's so much less dramatic/traumatic than the first time around. 

and you really are better at it. you've learned how to laugh. 

right? 

He Sees You When You're Sleeping...And When You're Pushing Your Friends from Great Heights. smh.

let's see...what ridiculousities happened this week so far?

well. two days ago i got a voicemail mid afternoon from one of the teachers at henry's daycare that went like, "so, henry was going potty and he went to flush and somehow he slipped and he hit his chin on the toilet seat. he's fine now, playing happily. there doesn't seem to be a mark..."

i mean. i can't even. who smacks their head on the toilet?  but i could absolutely see it happening with him. he's always spinning and distracted by, like, imaginary spiders on the ceiling and not paying attention to where his feet are or where his chin needs to be.

he's fine and it made me laugh much, so win-win. what else?

oh, yeah. also at daycare this week. the director took me aside to tell me that henry had to go to the office TWICE because he was mean to his friends. one time he ran someone's hand over with a toy car and the other time he pushed someone off the slide.  (wait. what? he did what? wasn't there a macaulay culkin movie about a little sociopathic slide pusher? eesh).

anyway. no one was mangled, thankfully.

she mentioned that in her discussion with him, she employed the use of both God and Santa as monitors from above watching him be a tiny jerk. i'll be honest, at first i was a little weirded out by the idea of feeding this kind of mixed faith punitive fear tactic stuff to toddlers, but now i like the image of God and Santa sitting on a sofa somewhere in the north pole/celestial region, drinking diet pop and doing, like, a running commentary of how people are doing on earth. getting cheeto fingers on their lists and dropping some mystery science voiceover stuff in.

anyway. doesn't matter. i guess the God/Santa thing didn't phase him and it was only the 'and i'll have to tell your mom and dad' part that got him remorseful.

because we withhold suckers.

yes, we use his addiction to sweets as a behavior modifying tool. what's it to you? you got a problem, i'm taking you to the Santa/God couch.

Six Months and Sassy Good

anna at six months.

all the more fun, funny and spaztacular every day.

she never stops moving. she is strong & busy, fluidly transitioning between a series of pilates/MMA moves all the time.

she is silly and a little violent.

look at those feet! they're for crushing other babies. 

i'm convinced she's going to be some sort of super athlete, she's so strong & physically enormous.

or a thug or a kingpin or something. we'll be proud no matter what. 

we have to manhandle her to get her to be still enough to do stuff. 

she's eating a little now- avocado, banana and sweet potato so far.

i should say she's eating a LOT of a few things. girls eats. and i like it. and she's growing like a champ.

we'll find out next week at her 6 month well-visit how objectively huge she is.

;)

i hate lists and i don't much like self-help literature. i especiallyhate lists about self-help.

1. be old & wise earlier- people say they figure out how to be calmer & happier as they age. they start addressing their bucket list and not caring so much what people thing of them (fart in public/say what's on their minds). let's do that now. most especially the farting in public part.

2. fewer selfies & more otheries- getting over yourself and out of your head and putting all that energy toward other people feels great and serves the world and gets more accomplished. this is a hard one. let's check on each other's progress now and then.

3. don't be anyone else's hassle. just don't. take care of your ownself like the big kid you are. ('sack up')

4. never be embarrassed by how you laugh. laughing is cheaper than vitamins.

5. eat proudly. food is a joy and we should be grateful and enthusiastic in its consumption. but, you know, you just get the one body, so put the right food in it. you're a big kid, you know how to do that.

6. and then fucking get over your body issues. it's not cancer. it's weird toes or curly hair or juicier hips than you want. meh. in a few decades you'll look back at pics of yourself now and think you looked fabulous. (and if it IS cancer- brave on! and please share with us the wisdom you've gained).

7. sharpen your wit but not your tongue

8. seriously. be kind.

9. you can't always control things, but you can control your reaction to them. ie: when life shits in your cereal, pour the whole mess over your gladiolus. 

10. attempt to stay ahead of your own head garbage so it never backs up on you and you have to take a break out of a life of helping others to help yourself. HARD to do. we'll start trying together now.

11. but if you need it, take a break to help yourself because you're no good to anyone as a broken you. 

12. BUT a previously broken, now healed/healing you can be VERY good for others. share the wealth of your lessons. your scars might help others heal. or at least make them feel less alone.

13. it's not all about you. BUT you do matter. a lot.

i'll stop there for now. i hear 13 is lucky. please share if you have some of your own!

Daddy, Am I Being Good?

so, henry has been maturing a lot lately and it's profound and wonderful and sometimes frustrating.

his language is kind of insane. the words and combination of words he comes up with absolutely blow our minds. his assessment of the world and ability to articulate about it is thrilling. he has a lot of questions. he talks a lot. a LOT a lot. constantly.

it's crazy to see him as a real person. especially when i look at his little face and can clearly bring back the face that was his when he was a baby. anna's cheeks and his old cheeks blend in my mind but now his strong little self-assured jaw has broken out of that soft fluffy mold and he looks tight and bright and smart and like a kid. not a baby.

he's also putting his pee and poop in the toilet most of the time now. thank you God it appears to be working. one day he wouldn't and the next he would, and that's all there was to it. it's still a work in progress, but he's doing awesome. he expects a toy reward every time he takes a deuce, which is getting expensive, but eh. whatever it takes to not have to put my hands near the stuff anymore.

and his conscience is forming. it is pretty wild to have a hand in someone's developent of their goodness. teaching him to be wise and kind and gentle and deliberate and to have a strong sense of self but also to be obedient and polite and respectful and....whew!

i overheard robb and him talking the other day and henry said 'daddy, am i being good?' i'm assuming that robb had told him that if he was 'good' he could do ____ or have ____ and he was checking in on his progress toward goal. and sometimes he damn well DOES know what's good or bad and which side he's falling on.

...but the question got me thinking. he's still learning what we mean by 'good.' he really might not know if he's being good. it's our job to keep directing him toward good. day by day. one moment at a time, we're filling his knowledge bank with what it means to be good. it's exciting and fulfilling to be part of seeing this cool little person grow into a cool little man.

i really hope we don't blow it. i hope we're 'good' enough.

we'll keep working on our end, too.