STOP SAYING WORDS TO ME

henry said 'STOP SAYING WORDS TO ME' to us this week and we both fell out laughing. i'm sure we'd been yacking about somesuch don't squash your sister while she tries to crawl or steal rocks off the playground at school and hoard them in your short pockets and then in turn, ruin the washing machine...or whatever. regardless of the content, he was displeased. 

so we've been using that phrase. it reminds me of a, more negative, favorite quote from liz lemon (tina fey/'30 rock') "i want to go to there!' her character said it a lot on the show (usually about a cute man or a donut) and she credits her 2 year old daughter for the expression. 

anyway. 

henry has had to endure a bunch of words from us recently about how he should not use the words fat or ugly. 

it happened. we were riding our bikes and came upon a couple, the man being really large, notably large, and henry, always quiet and discrete, says, 'DADDY, WHY IS THAT MAN SO BIG AND FAT?'

my heart sank. 

we got out of ear shot and then robb lectured him on how it's hard to be overweight and it doesn't help to hear about it. we've reinforced over the last few weeks that the word 'fat' really shouldn't be used. it hurts people's feelings. it's unkind. i'm tempted to change the language in 'the very hungry caterpillar' ("he was a great big fat caterpillar") so that he doesn't keep hearing the word. 

i don't know what else to do. i tried to give him different words to use, but his whole life right now is observation, categorizing, defining, learning the language and how to apply it to the world. and all of this out loud. LOUDLY out loud. other than just hissing at him to be quiet, i'm not sure how to compel him to not point out physical attributes of things and people around us. 

for now i'm just saying we don't use that word.  i'm applying my rule to the words 'ugly,' 'dumb,' and 'stupid,' too. 

i wanted to bike back and apologize to the guy on the bike but that may have done more harm than good. i just really hope my unknowingly shitty 3 year old didn't ruin his day. 

now we have to learn to be even MORE careful with that we say. for example, i probably should stop referring to anna as 'fat baby' within ear shot of him.  :) (18 month clothes. 7 months old. you do the math. she's VERY healthy. and too young to develop a complex, right? ). 

also, he asks for 'dance music' so i play him my 'p!nk' greatest hits CD. i had no idea he could hear/understand the lyrics until he asked for a song by nearly correctly repeating the chorus. oy. 

words mean stuff. they can cut or heal or manipulate ones impression of himself. they can give or take someone's power. 

i'm not going to stop saying words to him. 

also, on words. we've started teaching henry a few spanish words- mostly body parts and a few foods, my name is (what? my name is...) it's hilarious. and so now when anna babbles, we get, 'WHY IS ANNA SPEAKING SPANISH?' 

:)

7 Months Old! Catching Up is Hard to Do

ok. so a while back (the 13th) anna hit the 7 month mark. so i'm just finally getting around to posting about that. also, back at her 6 month checkup, i forgot to record this for posterity- she weighed 19# 6oz and was 27" long. she's at about the 90th % for those. her head is still wee tiny, but it's no longer beetlejuice shrunken head man small, so we're good. 

she is crawling-ish and eating like she invented it herself. we've gotten through a lot of the veggies and fruits and have moved on to beans and quinoa (all pureed, looking delish). she is still a very happy person. i'm sure she will be sleeping in her own room/bed and not nursing all night long by the time she's in junior high. so we're good there, too. 

henry monkey is also doing great. he start preschool in a few weeks! at the same daycare he's been, but now it involves school supplies and "real work." he's excitedly learning his letters because he wants to read by himself ASAP. he invents stories all the time. they always star him. natch. but sometimes he's henry whale or henry bird or henry monster. usually someone is sword fighting. he asked me today if butterflies have hands (and i thought of jeff goldblum). that one i could answer pretty confidently. but we have a whole list of things we have to 'look up later' because i just don't know. he's already kind of taxing my max on plants and clouds and, very soon probably, math. 

he also, out of absolute nowhere, asked me today if police are good guys. 

the killing of an unarmed child by a cop in MO happened recently and there's been a lot of talk about police. i wonder if henry is listening to everything we ever say. we're shaping his impressions of the world without even being aware. i told him policemen should be like superman, out to save people who are in danger or hurt or afraid. i think that's mostly true. or we can work toward it being true again. 

anyway. i'm on a cleaning binge today. i have this week off and we've vacationed a little and i've been utilizing daycare a bit so that i can get stuff done. i am trying to purge the house in preparation for an eventual move for a huge house renovation that may or may not happen. fingers and toes crossed that it can. but either way, i clean and donate and rid us of clutter! i want to exercise this house of excess so that i can say in a pinchy little southern voice, "THIS HOUSE IS CLEAN." 

Plus, I'm Reading a Book About the Holocaust

i'm working on a post about bringing children up in this sad, hard world (for your reading pleasure. you're all very welcome). about all the fears and worries that keep me up at night. about all the real things that go bump in the night. (recently most especially as they pertain to women and my fears for my tiny will-be woman). there's much to be said. much to be feared. much to be extremely angry about.

but this is not that post.

i'm trying not to let myself sink too low. but, you know, there's something like 10 wars going on right now (or conflicts or battle royales or whatever the hell congress calls them) where people are being brutalized. and there's all this hurt echoing all over and...i'm trying to not let myself sink too low.

and then robin williams succumbs to his illnesses and this cool bright light that we apparently all learned to laugh by, goes dark. and so yes(!) the nation discusses the woeful stigma of the mentally ill and possible resources that can be better targeted toward diagnostics and treatments, etc, etc. this is good. it's good. but such a sad pile of things to work through. at least maybe there's a flower of change growing out of it? eh?

but this is not that post.

and i have this tug-of-war between the things i'm little 'w' worried about like job stuff and spending enough quality time with my kids and being able to afford home renovations and whatever the magazines tell me i'm doing wrong in the organization of my refrigerator or the shininess of my skin (that's a thing, right? i am certain that's a thing)....and then big 'W' Worried about things like people killing and hating each other around the world, people in my town without food or homes, people in 1,000 different kinds of pain every day, the big scaries out there that could attack my kids from inside or out anytime throughout their lives...the ways i'm not helping people out with their hurt and could be. and should be...

and how i can not just protect but prepare my kids to face the world...

regarding monsters, i've been telling henry that 'for most things, if you're nice to them and show them love, they'll be nice back. most bad guys are bad because people were mean to them, so we'll be kind and see how it goes.'

i am trying to trust that this is good advice that will make him bless the world with kindness and grace and won't make him a sitting duck for pain. but the monsters are kind of everywhere, you know?

anyway. i struggle. i feel crushed. i feel small and scared. massacres and torture and suicides and so many scared and homeless and unwanted. they make me Worry and worry and Sad and sad.

and i just...this is not that post.

i just can't connect all the dots right now because it's too sad and hard, so i'll do what i do and just turn toward the happy short joyous folks who live in my house and tell you about what they're up to these days. because no matter what they'll face in the future, these days, these are happy days. and i thank God for them.

anna is crawling! almost. she kind of drags herself like a wounded ape whose foot got stuck in an ape trap (that's a thing, right? i am certain that's a thing). she can move really fast. especially toward any LEGO's small enough to choke on or any cabling/wiring that is sure to cause her sparkly problems. she's in the phase of life where she will have way more mobility than sense. no balance but tons of brave. no caution but just a whole lotta going for it. time to put everything back up to 4' off the ground and hope she bounces as much as henry did.

also she is happy. she is sweet. she's tough as hell. and so strong. 'henry what are you doing!?'  I'M RIDING ANNA...... this happens almost daily. and she's just laughing and somehow still pulling her beast self along with him on top...inching toward the toaster and the bathtub or the piano hanging precariously above the door or whatever.

henry is also doing amazingly well. he makes up stories and songs. sings 'puff the magic dragon' at the drop of a hat to soothe his fussy sister. the louder she gets, the more gusto he applies to the song.

he wants to hear stories constantly and robb and i have totally tapped out our imaginations, so now we tell him the plots of movies we have memorized. he doesn't know any better, so we're good. right now it's 'the robot and alien' movies... ('star wars').

he plays hard, sleeps hard, laugh hard. collects rocks from the playground. like 40/day in his front pocket. my washing machine has seen some stuff.

anyway.

now i'm babbling. but thinking about my wonderful happy folks has helped sooth my soul. that's not, like, their job on the planet or anything, it's just a really nice side effect.

more bummer posts soon, i promise. :)

A Few Signs I've Really Just Given Up

1. the pickup line i got tonight from my A for effort husband: 'so, just HOW exhausted are you?' (winkwink) and while i was trying to come up with sly retort, i fell asleep.

2. at the beach this weekend, the baby ate roughly 1 1/2 cups of sand. and i just don't even care a little, even if it means sand castle diapers this week. 

3. i found this weekend that i can fit between two huge carseats in the back of our sedan. and that when the baby fusses, i can dangle nurse her with my 2 XL X-long national geographic style breast. and i'm just really excited for the skill and not even worried about the ramifications of it. (which are: in sportsbra, have to make sure nipples land approximately symmetrically. at least w/ a 5" margin of error. note to self: never employ cause to wear a sportsbra and this becomes a nonissue)

4. i ate all the joe-joe's. 

sigh.