My Want an Oompa Loompa NOW, Daddy.

life with henry right now is a really funny and (mostly) fun roller coaster. i've taken to calling him mr. jekyll and mr. hyde, because he can go from happy and friendly to ferocious and out of control in a split second (he hasn't had time yet to get his MD or PhD, so i can't, in good conscious, call him doctor).

his language skills are booming. we hear him sample sentences and proper word order and conjugations...."my want apple" is becoming "i want a big apple." both are often followed by fits of rage if we get the apple wrong somehow or aren't fast enough with it or whatever, but at least the grammar of tiny dictator's demands is improving. it's making me more aware of my own grammar and i'm attempting to be less sloppy with my language around him, because he practices saying everything we say to him.

he sort of knows that i'm pregnant. kind of. he saw the ultrasound (argh! meant to post those pics ages ago. i'll get to it, i swear. already baby #2 isn't getting proper photographic documentation of his/her life). when you ask him what's in my belly, often he'll say "baby." but then if you ask him what's in HIS stomach, he'll also say "baby" (feat of science right there).  we have friends with a 7 m/o son, isaac, whom henry adores (see me working on my grammar there? eh? eh?) and calls 'baby isaac.' so when henry discusses the baby in my stomach, it's always 'baby isaac.' he will be disappointed when out comes a tiny squirmy worm instead of the super fun baby isaac. i guess he'll have to adjust.

he's a pleasant combo of independent and confident and still cuddly and affectionate and needy. it's getting a wee bit challenging to pick him up every time he demands, because i'm roughly the size of a sedan and he's growing a lot lately (tall, big, all of it), and he especially wants to be carried when i'm also carrying groceries. or he especially wants my attention when i'm indisposed. see below.

this is about what it's always like when i'm in the bathroom. you can hear robb trying to help in the background. and after i tell henry to give me a minute, he gets quiet.

but i can hear him breathing out there.

We, uh......We Really Like Mary Poppins

I Found Henry's Journal

mother, father....we need to talk.

lately i've been finding you very frustrating. the only word you seem to know is "no." all i want is to have a little fun, and you are the killers of all my fun.

is it too much to ask that i be able to use my paper towel tube sword to lance everything in sight without you interfering? i swear i was only going to do it another 70 or 80 times and only planned to break a lot of the glass in my way.

i mean, relax. really. 

and while we're on the subject, when i wake up and the first thing i want to do before my eyes are even open is watch "pingu" on your phone, just do us both a solid and pull your phone out, push the buttons and bring out that zany little penguin. just do it.

do it.

and you keep acting like stopping playing to eat dinner is a good idea and something i should be happily doing. well, i'm not happy about it at all. i have to leave my football where i found it and clean up all the puzzle pieces that i am PRETTY sure i didn't even put there, and then eat beans and rice. and you sit there, stupidly acting like that is a treat or something? bitches, please. if you just gave me the pear that i asked you for, we wouldn't be having this scene right now. i asked you for the pear 20 times. 20 times! i could not have been more clear.  i enunciated and everything. i said AND SIGNED the word please. i really don't know what the problem is. we're out of pears? what does that even mean? will an apple do? really? REALLY? if i offered you apple juice instead of mommy juice to drink, would that work for you? i thought not.

and now i have to show you how serious i am about this pear thing by throwing myself on the floor and sobbing. why must it always come to this? this is on you, mommy. this is on you.

so, in conclusion.....pingu and pears and we'll all get along.

here's some kisses to keep you coming back for more, 

henry j. monster

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we've had some rather difficult moments recently with henry rebelling and fighting us and whining and big fake crying.  thankfully, because he is a wonderful, happy little sprite despite the two's that he's in, he still has a lot more great moments than rough ones and recovers well. and we're slowly learning to feel each other out and learning how to get through them mostly unscathed.
but it can get irksome, him trying our patience all the time.

last night when i was tip-toeing out of his bedroom after he fell asleep, i noticed how huge he is. he takes up nearly the whole mattress (crib mattress, on the floor at this point). he's a kid > baby now. and he has to learn how to be independent and make his own decisions and there's going to be some growing pains while he figures that out.

and i like that he's his own henry and not just a little barnacle on us anymore. it's more fun than frustrating most of the time.

we're all a work in progress, i guess.

Work It, Girl

i've always wanted to, and planned to be, a working mom.

and it's been pretty great. i like what i do and it keeps me busy and feeling useful and important out of the house and i think i'm a more appreciative, patient and loving mom because i don't take for granted the limited time that i get to spend with henry at home. and i think henry has thrived at daycare. he's confident and secure and chatty and shares (sorta) and understands what it means to take turns (kinda). and robb and i both working full-time allows us financial freedom we wouldn't otherwise have.

but this week has been kind of rough for me and i've had moments of wondering if i'm doing the right thing working so much while henry goes to daycare so much.

i normally leave for work before henry is fully awake and robb takes him to day care and then i pick him up. like the hero. but this week, i worked later hours and so i've been taking him in the mornings and dropping him off. like the big jerk.  he was fairly clingy and there was a lot of "no go to school. watch movie, mommy? play football, mommy? read books, mommy?" which, frankly, i was extremely tempted to abort our plans for school/work and just do those things instead. and then last night robb and i miscommunicated and henry ended up stuck at school until almost 6pm (making it nearly an 11 hour day for him there) and i just about lost it.

i miss him. i think it just comes down to that. he never seems worse for wear for having been at daycare. quite the opposite. and he never seems to pine for me or anything. but i do, him. and i'm trying to keep those feelings really clear so that i don't do anything i'll later regret because "henry needs me home with him" or "new baby X needs me home with him/her."

but i am having a hard time imagining how crazy life will be with a toddler and an infant and a house to keep clean and organized and also to attempt to sneak in some time to do the things i like to do, like write. or shower. AND be gone from the house 40+ hours/week at work.

it's a lot to juggle. and, obviously, it's been done before and by women with a lot less support and a lot more on their plate than i have. i don't underestimate how nice the neighborhood in heaven must be that is designated for the single moms. i mean, come on. they deserve a standing ovation everywhere they go.

so i'm mostly just whining (some more) and wondering what life would be like in different arrangements. but for now i don't have any changes planned.

and here's another thought- is it sexist of me even to consider this? i'm not offering the option to robb and he's not looking for it. there's no clear financial reason why one of us would have to support the family instead of the other. but i know a lot of moms who stay home and i don't know a lot of dads. a few, but not many. is it just that for the first year of life moms do everything for newborns and so i feel like i have more of a right?

what do y'all think?

what else?

my Ob appointment went well yesterday! little bean is roaming around in there and his/her ticker is ticking. i'll get my full anatomical ultrasound in 2 weeks.

still debating whether we'll find out the sex.

thoughts on that? 

Rantings of a Crazy Lady; My Maternity Underwear Could Be Tied to the Back of an Airplane to Help with Landing

oh, my swirly, whirly (not gumdrop) thoughts are making me nerts lately. i'm having all kinds of existential crises and most probably causing myself undue stress. and i'm sure some of it's hormone-related. but also, i've had a crazy year of job changes and near moves across the country and all kinds of upheavals or threats of upheaval. and i'm just sort of unsettled feeling. and i'm not being remotely productive with it. i'm pie-in-the-sky dreaming (and worrying) instead of focusing and getting stuff done.

is what i'm doing on the planet mattering? do i add value? do i need to be be recognized and reach many with something that i do, or is impacting a few great enough? who am i now? am i where i should be? where did i set down my chocolate and did i already sit on it? :)

but, really....instead of thinking about where in the world we're going to put a second child (so as not to bother the precarious sleep of the first child since we only have 2 functional bedrooms in our house), i'm thinking about things like, "maybe i should quit medicine and become a children's book author!" and instead of studying for my impending re-licensing boards, i'm staring blankly at my keyboard, lost in prayer, wondering if i should help mobile medical teams serve prostitutes in our city. or instead of going through all henry's old baby stuff and making some plans for the next batch of baby i'm planning to hatch, i'm crying over all the babies in the world who don't get comfort for their tears and who so badly need a shot at love and new homes and thinking we should adopt 10 of them!  (all the while freaking out about what life will be like with just one more on board).

as i said, my thoughts and emotions are all over the map. i'm working through it. thanks for bearing with me. i'm sure i'm not the only one who wonders some of these things.

but in happy, sane news- we have resumed health in our house. other than some runny noses and clogged up ears, we're all back to normal. and we had an amazing weekend enjoying the sunshine and the renewed sense of wellness. we found the beach, we visited with family, we saw some baseball, robb competed in a triathlon and we got to cheer him on. it was really great.

things seem to be going well on the pregnancy front. i'm feeling occasional little squiggles and squirms down below and i'm growing some. i'm excited for my OB visit this week because it's always good to be reassured that things are on track and after that i'll be able to schedule my full anatomical ultrasound for sometime in the next few weeks. 

pregnancy to me, for me, just remains kind of super ridiculous. i mean, the blessing and miracle of it don't escape me for a second and the healthy growth inside me that ends up churning out something like a henry at the end just boggles my mind.

but.

i don't think i've ever felt that feminine loveliness. i just feel like an elderly baby with huge knockers. i was searching online for snarky maternity t-shirts and came upon a tab for 'maternity lingerie' and all i could think was, "ewww."

i think this means that i'm failing at lady-hood. right? that's what it means, right?

sigh. but at least i did find my chocolate. and it wasn't too smushed. now if you'll excuse me.