i feel like i'm sharing space now. there is definitely a complete human in there. i feel big parts rammed up against my side frequently. either head or butt takes up a lot of space now. plus, hiccups occasionally (rhythmic bounces) and still occasional little flutters. but mostly big sweeping movements and shifts from one side to the other. it's wild and awesome.
i think i'm falling for it. not sure what "it" looks like or who "it" is. but i think i'm pretty smitten.
and, speaking of shmoopsy boopsy feelings...robb and i have been so close lately. i think it's really flattering when someone wants to reproduce with you. plus, we have this shared goal and focus right now like none other. we've been so quick to forgive and make nice and so affectionate. it's wonderful.
i know this is sort of the calm before the storm and once the bebe arrives, these glorious days of afternoon naps and cuddling watching movies and such will be severely interrupted. i guess we should enjoy it now or forever hold our peas. :)
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Butt Update, for All Concerned Parties
:)
i am feeling about 1000 times better. glad i dealt with it instead of waiting for it to go away in its own sweet time.
the pain enough to need vicodin and the bleeding only lasted the rest of friday. since then, i've been feeling almost normal. and just extremely relieved.
i love love LOVE that i work with experts who can help me deal with issues like this (and, incidentally, have helped me also in advising my friends and family over the last few years with their medical/surgical issues). what a blessing!
had a great Easter today. went to church service with my sister extraordinaire (soon to be aunt extraordinaire). then we cooked for my parents and we ate a delicious meal followed by crazy awesome costco cake (equal parts sugar and crack in the frosting). robb and my dad worked on putting shelves up in the nursery...it's all coming together. slowly but surely. it's going to be bad ass. and that is the goal, right? a bad ass bedroom for an infant? that's what i thought. will post pics when we're done.
i am feeling about 1000 times better. glad i dealt with it instead of waiting for it to go away in its own sweet time.
the pain enough to need vicodin and the bleeding only lasted the rest of friday. since then, i've been feeling almost normal. and just extremely relieved.
i love love LOVE that i work with experts who can help me deal with issues like this (and, incidentally, have helped me also in advising my friends and family over the last few years with their medical/surgical issues). what a blessing!
had a great Easter today. went to church service with my sister extraordinaire (soon to be aunt extraordinaire). then we cooked for my parents and we ate a delicious meal followed by crazy awesome costco cake (equal parts sugar and crack in the frosting). robb and my dad worked on putting shelves up in the nursery...it's all coming together. slowly but surely. it's going to be bad ass. and that is the goal, right? a bad ass bedroom for an infant? that's what i thought. will post pics when we're done.
Friday, April 22, 2011
This Shit Stopped Being Fun at 6:09 am Tuesday Morning.
**caution- the following material is rather graphic and gross and is only intended for mature audiences.
...........................................................................................................................
so, before i fall into a vicodin-induced coma, complete with drooling and snoring and occasional twitching and grimacing, let me tell you about my butt misadventures this week.
all day monday i felt like i had something uncomfortable going on down below. like a wedgie that couldn't be picked. i've also been dealing with a painful in-grown hair thing in my frontal lady bits, so i thought maybe this was more of the same, just nearer the backdoor. it was more irritating than anything.
then, tuesday morning when i was taking my shower, i reached down to clean my nether region and basically, discovered this. it was alarming. after a quick heart attack thinking i had birthed the baby's ear or something, i concluded that it was most likely hemorrhoids. this was followed by another heart attack. ("hemorrhoids! seriously?! me? the vegetarian who is NEVER constipated? whose GI tract laughs at those prenatal iron-enhanced vitamins and continues on its merry productive way?")
as tuesday progressed into wednesday and thursday (as they do), it got more and more painful and large. and painful. like seeing white light painful, sweating and shaky legs painful. despite using topical wipes and creams and all that. i started complaining about it to my coworkers yesterday and they all agreed that my roids were probably thrombosed (strangulated/clotted) and recommended i talk to one of our colorectal surgeons about lancing it (popping the blood clot).
so i called this sainted soul doctor, who is especially divine in my eyes because she is a she and she has had 3 of her own kids, so she gets all this especially and intuitively...and she tells me over the phone that it can't be popped, but instead has to be carved out. she scheduled me for today in her office, slipping me in during office hours.
last night was rough. i cried a lot in pain and annoyance and fear of what having this already acutely painful, tense area cut into would mean. i mean, it can't be that bad if she's doing it in the office, right? RIGHT? little old people go through this all the time and live to tell about it (and tell about it, they certainly do).
so i worked this morning and then went in to see her mid-day. i cried in the shower before work, i cried in the bathroom at work, i cried/screamed/carried on on my way to her office when i got a little lost.
but then i was a very brave little soldier while she numbed it with a needle the size of my left arm and then cut the little bastard out. i don't treasure the knowledge that one of my coworkers has now seen my holiest of holies, but i figure she is a colorectal surgeon, there ain't no way she can pick my angry spider out of a lineup.
the relief was immediate with the lidocaine and lasted several hours. on my way home i was in a happy fog because the pain had stopped for the first time in days.
now, of course, the lidocaine has worn off and i'm sitting on an ice pack and waiting for the vicodin to carry me to candy mountain.
in the big picture, i have to say that if this is the worst road bump i hit during this pregnancy, i am doing just fine.
i also have to say that this kid better be pretty frickin' cute. :)
part of me is whimpering knowing that i might have them come back. before or because of birth. so i could be looking forward to all of this again. sigh.
...........................................................................................................................
so, before i fall into a vicodin-induced coma, complete with drooling and snoring and occasional twitching and grimacing, let me tell you about my butt misadventures this week.
all day monday i felt like i had something uncomfortable going on down below. like a wedgie that couldn't be picked. i've also been dealing with a painful in-grown hair thing in my frontal lady bits, so i thought maybe this was more of the same, just nearer the backdoor. it was more irritating than anything.
then, tuesday morning when i was taking my shower, i reached down to clean my nether region and basically, discovered this. it was alarming. after a quick heart attack thinking i had birthed the baby's ear or something, i concluded that it was most likely hemorrhoids. this was followed by another heart attack. ("hemorrhoids! seriously?! me? the vegetarian who is NEVER constipated? whose GI tract laughs at those prenatal iron-enhanced vitamins and continues on its merry productive way?")
as tuesday progressed into wednesday and thursday (as they do), it got more and more painful and large. and painful. like seeing white light painful, sweating and shaky legs painful. despite using topical wipes and creams and all that. i started complaining about it to my coworkers yesterday and they all agreed that my roids were probably thrombosed (strangulated/clotted) and recommended i talk to one of our colorectal surgeons about lancing it (popping the blood clot).
so i called this sainted soul doctor, who is especially divine in my eyes because she is a she and she has had 3 of her own kids, so she gets all this especially and intuitively...and she tells me over the phone that it can't be popped, but instead has to be carved out. she scheduled me for today in her office, slipping me in during office hours.
last night was rough. i cried a lot in pain and annoyance and fear of what having this already acutely painful, tense area cut into would mean. i mean, it can't be that bad if she's doing it in the office, right? RIGHT? little old people go through this all the time and live to tell about it (and tell about it, they certainly do).
so i worked this morning and then went in to see her mid-day. i cried in the shower before work, i cried in the bathroom at work, i cried/screamed/carried on on my way to her office when i got a little lost.
but then i was a very brave little soldier while she numbed it with a needle the size of my left arm and then cut the little bastard out. i don't treasure the knowledge that one of my coworkers has now seen my holiest of holies, but i figure she is a colorectal surgeon, there ain't no way she can pick my angry spider out of a lineup.
the relief was immediate with the lidocaine and lasted several hours. on my way home i was in a happy fog because the pain had stopped for the first time in days.
now, of course, the lidocaine has worn off and i'm sitting on an ice pack and waiting for the vicodin to carry me to candy mountain.
in the big picture, i have to say that if this is the worst road bump i hit during this pregnancy, i am doing just fine.
i also have to say that this kid better be pretty frickin' cute. :)
part of me is whimpering knowing that i might have them come back. before or because of birth. so i could be looking forward to all of this again. sigh.
Monday, April 18, 2011
8 Months Pregnant: The Niceties and the Not-eties.
well....
-we went to our first (of 4) birthing classes last week. and giggled the whole time. there was this meditation exercise where you're supposed to picture a peaceful setting and then also picture your baby. so it went, "picture your baby, in the middle of the ocean." we thought we were going to die. WHY IS THAT BABY IN THE OCEAN? WON'T SOMEONE GET IT A RAFT? THAT'S JUST MEAN! and on and on like that. we crack each other up. not sure if the teacher felt the same way about us whispering in the back of the class. and it's 3 hrs long and not terribly insightful, so after this week, we might be birthing class drop-outs. unless we get kicked out first. we'll see.
-i went to an ob/gyn conference for continuing education credits late last week and it was wonderful. i was worried that all the lectures on 'obstetrical emergencies' would get me wound up, but it really wasn't too bad. and contrary to popular opinions that doctors are just out for their own gain, in the academic circles, the least intervention and the most natural birth that is safe is being promoted. so that was nice to see.
-i am getting huge. can see the baby move now, not just feel it. and the movement are very different. they're not tiny dancer pokes anymore, but broad, sweeping movements from one side to the other. it's bizarre/cool.
-but with my changing dimensions, some things are getting harder to do. like getting out of bed/the car... or wiping when finished using the toilet. (egads!). this one is perplexing. i mean, my arms just aren't long enough to get around the bump and do my usual routine, so i have to come at it from different angles, all acrobatic like. not pleasant.
-and i can't see anything below my belly button...so dealing with ingrown hairs and other common pregnancy skin probs is an adventure in not falling over or getting caught squatting over a mirror. sigh. and we won't even talk about front yard landscaping right now. ye-doggy.
-and the reflux is back with a vengeance. rolaids and zantac are barely getting me by.
-but i am 33 weeks and mostly feeling awesome! i had two great baby showers and now have a warehouse full of cute & functional baby stuff. we're feeling ready and excited.
-so far, nice still beats not.
-we went to our first (of 4) birthing classes last week. and giggled the whole time. there was this meditation exercise where you're supposed to picture a peaceful setting and then also picture your baby. so it went, "picture your baby, in the middle of the ocean." we thought we were going to die. WHY IS THAT BABY IN THE OCEAN? WON'T SOMEONE GET IT A RAFT? THAT'S JUST MEAN! and on and on like that. we crack each other up. not sure if the teacher felt the same way about us whispering in the back of the class. and it's 3 hrs long and not terribly insightful, so after this week, we might be birthing class drop-outs. unless we get kicked out first. we'll see.
-i went to an ob/gyn conference for continuing education credits late last week and it was wonderful. i was worried that all the lectures on 'obstetrical emergencies' would get me wound up, but it really wasn't too bad. and contrary to popular opinions that doctors are just out for their own gain, in the academic circles, the least intervention and the most natural birth that is safe is being promoted. so that was nice to see.
-i am getting huge. can see the baby move now, not just feel it. and the movement are very different. they're not tiny dancer pokes anymore, but broad, sweeping movements from one side to the other. it's bizarre/cool.
-but with my changing dimensions, some things are getting harder to do. like getting out of bed/the car... or wiping when finished using the toilet. (egads!). this one is perplexing. i mean, my arms just aren't long enough to get around the bump and do my usual routine, so i have to come at it from different angles, all acrobatic like. not pleasant.
-and i can't see anything below my belly button...so dealing with ingrown hairs and other common pregnancy skin probs is an adventure in not falling over or getting caught squatting over a mirror. sigh. and we won't even talk about front yard landscaping right now. ye-doggy.
-and the reflux is back with a vengeance. rolaids and zantac are barely getting me by.
-but i am 33 weeks and mostly feeling awesome! i had two great baby showers and now have a warehouse full of cute & functional baby stuff. we're feeling ready and excited.
-so far, nice still beats not.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Friends and Coworkers Baby Shower, Awesome Part Deux
my coworkers/good friends threw me another amazing baby shower this weekend. it was great. so much fun. the food was amazing. the games were great- the host had everyone bring a baby pic of themselves and we had to guess who was who. harder than you'd think! and then, because robb and i are weird people and have been addicted to this internet cartoon for many years and have always secretly-not-so-secretly wanted a baby dragon themed nursery...we had everyone create their own baby dragons out of scrapbooking supplies and stuff. and then i voted on the winner, which will be framed and go on the nursery wall. see below.
homemade beautiful blankets from two of my lovely girls. gorgeous! and so soft. baby's first bath robe for those casual times...
white noise generating stuffed animals, cool tactile books, fun monster bib...
lots of good friends and good times. (not to mention many, many other gifts- so much baby merch! we're well prepared for a fleet of babies now).
some examples of baby dragons that people made. so many awesome ones. might have to frame a few.
and the winner!!
homemade beautiful blankets from two of my lovely girls. gorgeous! and so soft. baby's first bath robe for those casual times...
white noise generating stuffed animals, cool tactile books, fun monster bib...
lots of good friends and good times. (not to mention many, many other gifts- so much baby merch! we're well prepared for a fleet of babies now).
some examples of baby dragons that people made. so many awesome ones. might have to frame a few.
and the winner!!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Baby Shower, Family and Old Friends
monkey (accompanied by monkey mouth), cow outfit that all kids need, homemade blankie from aunt,
hark! a vagrant's fat pony family ensemble, more excellent toys, cool picture pillow from other aunt,
handcrafted kid's stool/chair from grandpa Z, beautiful cake from brilliant pastry chef (with woodworker in background)
grover bag full of awesome books, movies and more and more of cake and cake topper- how cool is that?
....shower was totally fun and i don't know what i was worried about. i didn't feel too completely on the spot and we didn't get bombarded with weird advice or criticized for our child rearing decisions or any of it. it was just wonderful and fun, full of people who love us and want nothing but the best for us. and robb was a trouper. also our dads and some other sundry male folks playing bar tenders and chauffeurs and such. i thought it was nice to have a 'mixed crowd.'
and you should see the pile of LOOT! holy cow. this baby is spoiled already!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Nail On Head
read this article, especially anyone with a history of miscarriages or who is struggling with their pregnancy weight/body changes. so good!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
One Step at A Time
so, as i've mentioned before, i am one of 5 pregnant coworkers right now. actually, that's just in our little immediate PA department, there are 3 or 4 more others department wide.
and i've been feeling on the outside of their happy little pregnancy chat circle this whole time and haven't been able to put my finger on why that is. i'm even bitter and annoyed sometimes at the constant discussion of baby products and planning.
and these feelings bother me, because these are good friends of mine and i don't like feeling disconnected or grouchy towards them. it also makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me and i just have an inability to heal and be happy or something.
but yesterday this apt little metaphor occurred to me...
it's like we're all running our first marathon. but this is my third attempt at it. i started my marathon training over 2 years ago and found that i had asthma and bunions, so running wasn't easy for me. but i eventually did start the race. and when i did, i fell and broke my leg on mile 8. after i healed, i didn't want to, but i got back up and started training again, (bandaged the bunions and grabbed my inhalers). i plunged into my second attempt and was feeling great until about mile 6 when i got mugged and stabbed in the aorta. that was a real bloody mess, so it took a while to recover from that one. but despite all these injuries and misfortunes, i REALLY wanted to finish a freaking marathon. so i started training again and am currently running my third attempted marathon. i am on about mile 20 out of 26. and i feel really good, and am extremely grateful that i haven't fallen or been stabbed in a major vessel or anything. but i am also just extremely focused on getting to that finish line. i have to finish. i am watching the pavement in front of me and i don't see or hear anything else. i have to finish.
and then there's my running buddies (my coworkers) who, for the most part, decided they were going to run a marathon. trained briefly for the marathon, and then ran the marathon. and they're doing great. have no reason to believe they won't finish. and are concerned with things like matching their running shorts to their shoes. and whether or not their husband will be in the right spot to take their picture as they pass by him on the course.
i think i'm envious of this freedom, this ease, this simple joy. i hope i'm not taking it out on them or anything. i'll have to watch for that.
but i am also grateful for my own battle. i know how sweet it will be to cross that finish line. how much the photo at the end will mark my struggle, my pain, my drive to finally finish it, holes and scars and all. how triumphant and amazing and blessed i will feel.
i just had to share that, because i wouldn't be at all surprised if my cohorts in this miscarriage club have felt something of the same.
you're not alone.
and i've been feeling on the outside of their happy little pregnancy chat circle this whole time and haven't been able to put my finger on why that is. i'm even bitter and annoyed sometimes at the constant discussion of baby products and planning.
and these feelings bother me, because these are good friends of mine and i don't like feeling disconnected or grouchy towards them. it also makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me and i just have an inability to heal and be happy or something.
but yesterday this apt little metaphor occurred to me...
it's like we're all running our first marathon. but this is my third attempt at it. i started my marathon training over 2 years ago and found that i had asthma and bunions, so running wasn't easy for me. but i eventually did start the race. and when i did, i fell and broke my leg on mile 8. after i healed, i didn't want to, but i got back up and started training again, (bandaged the bunions and grabbed my inhalers). i plunged into my second attempt and was feeling great until about mile 6 when i got mugged and stabbed in the aorta. that was a real bloody mess, so it took a while to recover from that one. but despite all these injuries and misfortunes, i REALLY wanted to finish a freaking marathon. so i started training again and am currently running my third attempted marathon. i am on about mile 20 out of 26. and i feel really good, and am extremely grateful that i haven't fallen or been stabbed in a major vessel or anything. but i am also just extremely focused on getting to that finish line. i have to finish. i am watching the pavement in front of me and i don't see or hear anything else. i have to finish.
and then there's my running buddies (my coworkers) who, for the most part, decided they were going to run a marathon. trained briefly for the marathon, and then ran the marathon. and they're doing great. have no reason to believe they won't finish. and are concerned with things like matching their running shorts to their shoes. and whether or not their husband will be in the right spot to take their picture as they pass by him on the course.
i think i'm envious of this freedom, this ease, this simple joy. i hope i'm not taking it out on them or anything. i'll have to watch for that.
but i am also grateful for my own battle. i know how sweet it will be to cross that finish line. how much the photo at the end will mark my struggle, my pain, my drive to finally finish it, holes and scars and all. how triumphant and amazing and blessed i will feel.
i just had to share that, because i wouldn't be at all surprised if my cohorts in this miscarriage club have felt something of the same.
you're not alone.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
'Taint the Sac and 'Taint the Bumhole; An Interesting New Development in Male Infertility
cnnhealth: "Guys Are Right, Size Matters"
but apparently it's not about dong length/girth and delivering spermies to the cervix, it's the number of spermies in the first place.
and guess where said spermies reside?
my questions: who first thought to measure this? and, if we have a boy, you're telling me now that i have to worry about my shower curtain effecting his taint length?
good Lord.
but apparently it's not about dong length/girth and delivering spermies to the cervix, it's the number of spermies in the first place.
and guess where said spermies reside?
my questions: who first thought to measure this? and, if we have a boy, you're telling me now that i have to worry about my shower curtain effecting his taint length?
good Lord.
They DO Allow Cupcakes in the Delivery Rooms. So That's Good.
so, we went on a tour today of the labor & delivery unit and the postpartum mother/bebe rooms we will be using when i hatch at our local chosen hospital.
i've been there before both as a PA student and in a nearby wing, when i was a patient that fateful august stay 2 years ago. so i'm a little familiar, but i still wanted robb to see it in its entirety and to have a happy, normal reason to go.
and it was a great experience. as expected, everything was clean and organized and the staff was all incredibly friendly. it was all very positive and encouraging and i feel pretty excited to get there and get 'er done, when the time comes.
in other news, i've been a total emotional mess this weekend. raging while driving just because i was still deep in the suburbs and just impatient to get home, crying in church, yelling at the robb, etc, etc. all over the map. most of it is hormones, i'm sure. part of it is that we're having our lower floor painted in preparation to move bedrooms around and this project that was supposed to be done thursday is still in process, now sunday, with us unable to use most of our house. so i feel claustrophobic and inert. we're all cloistered upstairs in one big guest room which was fun for a while, but has gotten really old since.
and i'm letting the stress of everything get to me. so many decisions yet to make, things to still line up, questions to answer...plus my body is less and less recognizable every day. hairy in places i can't see or tame, expanding in strange and uncomfortable ways (like, seriously, have you ever seen an areola the size of a dinner plate? i have), etc, etc.
and i'm in this weird head space where the some 9 1/2 weeks i have left seems both like an eternity and like not nearly enough time.
gargh!
i've been there before both as a PA student and in a nearby wing, when i was a patient that fateful august stay 2 years ago. so i'm a little familiar, but i still wanted robb to see it in its entirety and to have a happy, normal reason to go.
and it was a great experience. as expected, everything was clean and organized and the staff was all incredibly friendly. it was all very positive and encouraging and i feel pretty excited to get there and get 'er done, when the time comes.
in other news, i've been a total emotional mess this weekend. raging while driving just because i was still deep in the suburbs and just impatient to get home, crying in church, yelling at the robb, etc, etc. all over the map. most of it is hormones, i'm sure. part of it is that we're having our lower floor painted in preparation to move bedrooms around and this project that was supposed to be done thursday is still in process, now sunday, with us unable to use most of our house. so i feel claustrophobic and inert. we're all cloistered upstairs in one big guest room which was fun for a while, but has gotten really old since.
and i'm letting the stress of everything get to me. so many decisions yet to make, things to still line up, questions to answer...plus my body is less and less recognizable every day. hairy in places i can't see or tame, expanding in strange and uncomfortable ways (like, seriously, have you ever seen an areola the size of a dinner plate? i have), etc, etc.
and i'm in this weird head space where the some 9 1/2 weeks i have left seems both like an eternity and like not nearly enough time.
gargh!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Falling In Love All Over Again
lying in bed, listening to the rain outside (meaning it's officially springtime!)... robb's big furry head down on my belly telling the baby all the things we're going to do for fun when it comes out...
"and then we'll go to the DIA a lot and the circus and a lot of tiger games and michigan state games and the zoo, like ALL the time, and we'll probably see the globetrotters at some point..."
i'm giggling helplessly and the baby, though unable to respond verbally, is using fists of fury to express itself. it does seem to go into turbo mode when robb's voice is around.
and that's pretty cool.
"and then we'll go to the DIA a lot and the circus and a lot of tiger games and michigan state games and the zoo, like ALL the time, and we'll probably see the globetrotters at some point..."
i'm giggling helplessly and the baby, though unable to respond verbally, is using fists of fury to express itself. it does seem to go into turbo mode when robb's voice is around.
and that's pretty cool.
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