I am a Planned Parenthood Patient.

I'm sitting here thinking about how to write about women's healthcare without pissing anyone off and I realize, that's dumb. I can't. I should just write what I know, and write it clearly. 

I will try to be especially careful and level-headed in how I write this. If you're like me, you feel like words are flying fast from all directions and everything is confusing and muddy right now. It's hard to know what to believe and to figure out what to feel from the information and "information" that is available. 

Everyone is yelling at everyone else to stop yelling. It's loud. 

So.

I am a patient of Planned Parenthood. I went there when I was a teenager because I wanted to start having sex (as people do) and I didn't want to have children at that time (as many people who have sex don't). 

I chose Planned Parenthood, because they had been around for almost 80 years then (100 years now) and they seemed to know what they were doing. The staff was kind and encouraging to this scared, embarrassed girl, and provided me my first pelvic exam and cervical cancer screening (Pap smear) and my first contraception, which I paid for out of pocket. 

It was affordable to me, which I assume meant it was subsidized by their programs, because I was a college student and my waitressing income was limited. I did have health insurance, but it was through my parents and I didn't feel like I could use that to go to a provider in their network for contraception because I wasn't sure if I could get away with making the right choice for me without my parents knowing that I was having sex. This was not something I felt like I could share with them.

I went to the appointments alone and took care of the expenses on my own, because even though my male partner and I were having sex together, contraception was my women's healthcare issue.

My male partner and I had sex for several years without ever having a pregnancy, because of the contraception provided to me by Planned Parenthood. 

After I graduated from college,  I was fortunate enough to become adequately employed and received health insurance through my employer, which helped cover my contraception and GYN cancer screenings and other care. I continued to use contraception until I was married and had completed my advanced degree, established my career, and was prepared to be pregnant and raise children. After I had my children, I went right back to using contraception. The cost is currently much lower than I have ever paid, with the Affordable Care Act. 

Most of my friends did the same. We went to Planned Parenthood for contraception. Later, we all graduated from college. Many of us went on to get advanced degrees and to support our families with income from our careers. There was over a decade in there where we were all having sex (as people do) and none of us, female or male, were yet wanting to have children. 

Before we had our own insurance and adequate finances, we had Planned Parenthood. 

Some of my friends did get pregnant unexpectedly. Some went on to parent at a much earlier age than they planned.  It's been an uphill climb for them, as statistics report it will be, both for the teen parent and the child. Some of my friends chose to terminate their pregnancies with medicine or medical procedures at Planned Parenthood or other safe, legal women's health clinics. 

One thing is for sure- we were all definitely having sex. 

Ok, so, I know. Termination. Abortion. I have to talk about abortion now. I know just the word makes people worried and angry and ready to plant their flag. I'm sorry if you're feeling upset right now.

However, abortion is a part of women's healthcare. Has been since the dawn of sex, in all parts of the world.  In this country, at this time, it is legal and safe through women's healthcare clinics like Planned Parenthood. People have been having legal, safe abortions for over 40 years in this country. Prior to that, people were having deadly, illegal abortions in this country.  

In addition to the people I personally know who have had elective terminations, I get a chance to talk to a lot of women through my job, and it is very commonly a part of women's health histories.  I have been a Physician Assistant for almost 10 years and I have taken medical histories on thousands of patients. You may not feel like you know anyone who has had an elective termination, but I promise you do. From teens to women in their 70s, terminations are part of women's stories. You might not be aware of them, because the women don't change color afterwards or anything, and it's not brought up at dinner parties all that often, but you do. Again, I'm sorry if that is upsetting to you, but it is the truth. 

And making it illegal only means the terminations women will continue to have, will not be safe.  And here. 

So, I am a Planned Parenthood patient.  And So Are You. And You. And So Is Your Girlfriend. And Your Wife. And Your Mother. And Your Grandmother.

So why am I talking about this now?

Access to women's healthcare, including contraception, abortion services and cancer screening is at risk here in the U.S, and across the world. In this country and in others that we help support, these services can mean the difference of life expectancy, equality, personal and financial independence, education, and more.

Above is one easy, breezy story from my easy, breezy life. For many women in our country and in other parts of the world, organizations like Planned Parenthood are literal life-savers. 

Why?

A review. 

1. When people have sex, which they do, the male partner might impregnate the female partner unless there is a physical or hormonal barrier to prevent that pregnancy from occurring. 

(Notice, after this point, we stop talking about the male partner's role, because that is variable. It has now become a women's health issue).

2. If the pregnancy occurs, the female then either carries the pregnancy, with all its potential complications (seizures, hemorrhages, ruptured organs, pelvic floor injuries, etc) and outcomes, and delivers a child she must provide for for its lifetime, or grant to someone else to provide for,  OR, she terminates the pregnancy with medicine or medical procedure, with all its potential complications and outcomes (hemorrhages, perforated organs, etc). 

3. The U.S president just signed the "global gag rule," an order pertaining to organizations that provide women's healthcare internationally. This will block U.S funding for international family planning charities unless they agree not to discuss abortion with their patients in any way. 

This has been done before, with disastrous results. "In 2001, when President George W. Bush imposed a more limited version, 16 developing countries lost shipments of contraceptives from the U.S. Stanford University researchers found that the Bush version of the policy reduced contraceptive use in Africa — and increased abortion rates."

According to the Huffington Post, "The United States spends about $600 million a year on international assistance for family planning and reproductive health programs, making it possible for 27 million women and couples to access contraceptive services and supplies. None of that money is spent on performing abortions. The Helms amendment has prevented U.S. tax dollars from funding overseas abortions since 1973."

"In poor countries, the most dangerous thing a woman can do is become pregnant...Marie Stopes (an organization like Planned Parenthood International) estimated that if it cannot find replacement funding, the new policy will result in 6.5 million unintentional pregnancies, 2.2 million abortions and 21,700 women dying in pregnancy or childbirth." This is all in this article from the New York Times today, which does a beautiful job of outlining why pregnancy prevention and access to elective termination is essential to women's survival. 

4. That is the ultimate goal of women's healthcare, is it not? Keeping women alive? Pregnancy, delivery and terminations can all be deadly to a woman depending on her conditions and the care she receives. She should be able to decide whether or not to put herself at that risk. She should have control over her pregnancy or not pregnancy.

5. They are protesting against Planned Parenthood. Again. Still. I am telling my story and sending them support, because I am extremely grateful to Planned Parenthood for making contraception available to me when I did not have my own health insurance and had limited funds. In my life, it was my desire to have sex (as everyone does) without getting pregnant that made me a loyal fan of Planned Parenthood, but now that I see how much they do for how many people, I want to support them even more. 

Stand by Planned Parenthood. Stand up for Planned Parenthood. We need them. We are their patients. 

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/get-involved

I am a Mature, Strong Women. I Am a Leader. Join Me.

I've recently discovered that I am mature and in charge and capable. I'm just shaking out all the wrinkles in this coat I now wear, so bear with me as I learn how to best wear it. 

My family and I went to a local Women's March today. It got me thinking. 

I used to be ashamed of being so tall and big, of taking up so much space. 

I used to be ashamed about any of my physical flaws as if I was failing someone with my zits or my tummy flub or my lady mustache. 

I used to be ashamed of my muscular shoulders because, even though they meant I could haul things and throw children around and take care of myself, they were mannish and unbecoming/threatening?

I used to defer to men in conversations, sort of wait to be interrupted and then cede the authority easily. 

I used to let men ride shotgun in the car instead of me, because of respect? Even though usually I had the longer legs, so logistically it made no sense. 

I used to smile when hit on. I never wanted to be hit on. 

I used to smile when my body was being positively assessed by a man because it was ungrateful not to. I never wanted to be assessed. 

I used to smile when, as a professional, I was given favors or short-cuts for being a cute girl even though I didn’t need them and it was embarrassing for all of us. 

I used to demure from talking about women’s rights because it’s becoming annoying, Sarah, shut up. 

I used to apologize.
I used to apologize. 

I used to always fucking apologize. 

I used to beg for forgiveness for asking for the floor, for stating my purpose or my point, and then mush it up with sorries. 

I used to worry that I wasn’t good enough for you, it didn’t matter who you were. 

I used to avert my eyes because I thought then maybe I wouldn’t be seen. 

I used to try to hide.
I used to try to hide. 

I used to try to hide who I am. 

Now

I don’t want to hide anymore.
I won’t apologize. 

I will clearly state what I think without preamble or caveat. 

I will not speak in frets. 

I will not speak in whispers. 

I will speak clearly always and defiantly when necessary. 

I will not be afraid to express my emotions because they are not fearful or embarrassing. 

I will be honest. Sometimes that will mean speaking and sometimes that will mean silence. 

I will trust my experience. 

I will trust my knowledge. 

I will trust my power and ability. 

I will trust my voice. 

I will trust myself. 

Join me. It's a relief to be on this side. Help me continue to work out the wrinkles. I'll do the same for you. 

Anna Banana is Three Years Old Now, The World Should Really Start Bracing Itself

The longer I parent, the more I understand the weird things my parents did.

Anna turned 3 last week and I felt compelled to verbally march her through the day she was born, hour-by-hour, as if she cared. Just like my parents always used to try to do on my birthday. Kids don't care. I kept reminiscing sentimentally and wanting to pull her into it. "Remember when you were born? Wasn't that so cool?"

She's 3 and she's all snark and has all the words, so her reaction was something like, "Leave me alone, woman. Tell me about this cake we're commissioning daddy to build."

She's amazing and I'm so insanely proud she's my kid. She's always been a combo of cute and criminal, a little blond feisty tornado. It's awesome. She's focused and intense, like a laser beam that burns a hole in the sun just for funsies. She has a terrifyingly quick mind and her retention of info is mystifying. I'm almost positive she has my ATM code and SS# memorized. She sings all the time. She loves and plays hard. She hates to sleep because it's harder to terrorize villagers from her bed.

She's on pace to be one of the strongest, most bad ass people ever. I hope she always knows what she wants and says it and says it again and says it again until she gets it or gets a damned good reason why she can't have it. I also hope she grows up in a world where it's assumed that she's smart and competent and strong and can do all things, where she always is the one who decides who she is and what she's about. 

So, I'm proud of her and I'm proud of us. We now have two human people who have survived us intact to the point in time where they can use the toilet properly and can understand complex instructions (and choose to follow them about 12% of the time). 

I'd drop the mic over this parenting milestone, but I know I'd be the one picking it up again and putting it away. So I'll just set it down in its case gently and make sure the lid is closed. Then I should probably put the whole thing up high, or so help me, this child will tear off the cord and eat the top of it like a snowcone, because I think she might be be part robot wolf.

Oh, but wait, I know she is not because I was there when she was born. I should tell her about that whole day again. She was probably distracted by cake and presents the first time, but it's a really great story...

Staying In is the New Going Out

Imagine it. You enter this space that is open and airy, lit exactly to your liking. The temperature is exactly to your specifications and if there is an errant slight breeze, there are comfy throws dangling enticingly off every surface. If the one you choose has a funky smell, no worries, it's part of the rustic charm, just choose another. No, not that one. I can see the stain from here. Another.

Good.

The food is fun and unpretentious and served creatively, out of the bags and jars it came in. The menu changes daily, and often features crackers and things to dip them in. Who doesn't love a good thing to dip crackers in? I know I do.

The drinks are plentiful and unique. The bartender also changes the offerings daily and makes some truly creative pairings. On a recent visit, my companions and I were served the last few sips at the bottom of the bottles of two different varietals of wine. How truly splendiferous and spontaneous! On another recent visit (I just cannot get enough of this place) we enjoyed an apple juice and whiskey cocktail blended with some maple syrup. It was...not bad. Always on the menu there are classics like old beer that no one wants nor is certain how long it has been there and vegan milk alternatives.

Speaking of milk alternatives, you simply have to try the desserts! There is always vegan ice cream and it's usually called "experimental flavor" and is, quite literally, forced down your throat! How delightful! I don't personally enjoy having two adults stare at me expectantly for my reaction to my dessert, but the thrill of trying to dodge their spoon attacks makes the whole thing rather athletic. And that's what you want in a dessert.

My favorite thing about this establishment is the dress code. The most formal thing you are allowed to wear is jeans and a t-shirt, but pajamas are strongly preferred. There is a discount if you wear footie pajamas, a hoodie sweatshirt or your nighttime headgear. The cost of the food and drink is so low, with your lazy clothes discount applied, you may end up MAKING money on your visit! Fantastic!

Lastly, there is great entertainment while you drink and dine. Generally there is a Japanese animation television show of some sort quietly blaring in the background, or the soundtrack to a Disney movie playing while the staff hollers the first 6 words of the songs over and over again. There are actual board games to play, if you like, but I prefer the fun of searching for popcorn kernels in the couch cushions or stepping in to keep the staff alive while they ricochet of furniture or try to stuff all the crackers in their mouths so that their brother can't get any.

If you haven't visited, "My Basement" yet, you should surely do so in the new year! It's the town's best kept secret!