When I Grow Up I Want to Be...

my grandparents and all their great-grandkids Christmas 2012

robb and i were asked over Christmas dinner what we want henry to be when he grows up.

my first reaction, after recent sad biographies in the news of kids turning into sad, scared, violent adults is that i'm more worried about what i DON'T want him to become than what i do want.

all i know for sure is i want him to be healthy and happy. and it was universally agreed that "happy" is what we'll aim for. but what is 'happy?' and how do you snag it and keep it for your kid?

happiness is an elusive, vague concept. when we tried to dissect it some, we came up with happy = satisfaction with who you are. and choices. options. opportunities. the chance to succeed, by your own definition, and the confidence and security that goes with that.

and God. a lot of peace of mind and freedom from having to be perfect comes with knowing Him. and with faith, ideally, a kindness and awareness of others. a sense of accountability and acceptance that there's more to life than just you and your own personal needs.

this conversation was between my parents, my sister, my grandparents and uncle. all of these are outstanding people- who i would certainly consider happy and successful. so when they talk, i listen.

my grandparents, in their late 80's, are amazing specimens. they are brilliant and vibrant and funny and have been married for something like 65 years. and they still like it. :) they've experienced a lot of life. they both tell vivid stories of living through WWII (my grandfather in the ocean, my grandmother working hard back at home), but also are completely active in the world today- caught up on the recent best selling novels and regularly on facebook and email and shopping online.

when they grew up, she one of 9 kids, he one of 17, as you can imagine, there was not a whole lot of money or opportunities. they did well for themselves, but neither of them went to college and always wished they had. so they prioritized education for their 4 kids. and my dad and all his sibs have at least an undergrad degree, some have more.

my grandparents lived their lives well and were very successful, but also were able to give their kids opportunities they never had.

and although we acknowledge that a college degree does not guarantee success (or even regular work),  it generally can open up doors that might otherwise be closed. and, again, ideally,  it at least encourages exploration of the mind and a desire to learn and grow.

i think that's the other part of happy. always having new, fresh goals in front of you. always changing and moving and becoming a better version of yourself.

my grandparents are a great example of a love that lasts forever but never gets stagnant. and are each people who continue to challenge themselves and learn new things. they are also kind, generous, fun and full of faith and life. 

when i grow up, i want to be like them.

and i guess when henry grows up, i want him to be the ever-evolving, most complete version of himself that he can be. excited to be alive, confident in who he is, strong in his faith, and giving to others.

and a brain surgeon astronaut AIDS-curing scientist pastry chef.

but no pressure.

Date Night

(...was a totally disappointing movie starring the awesomely awesome tina fey and steve carrell. fizzle. plop).

robb and i got a babysitter and went out last night. and it was fantastic!!!

i was musing that, at the time we didn't realize it, but before henry, all day, every day was a date night. we could go eat meals anywhere, anytime, and go to movies, museums, whatever and weren't constrained or defined by nap or bedtimes or temper tantrums.

but now, not only is life way more super fun because of henry monster, but when robb and i DO get out just the two of us, we appreciate it that much more. we really relish our time together. and this was a crazy fun time.

because it was so great, i'm now going to discuss it in great detail. skip ahead a bit if you're bored by me at all.

we had the babysitter (a good friend's grad school age daughter who has sat lots of times before) come at 5pm, so we were the first ones to the restaurant at 5:15pm to eat dinner(!)...because we are chic and sophisticated young people. :) it was an upscale mediterranean restaurant and the food was amahzing (might be best fatoosh salad i've ever had).  the lebanese red blend wine i had was surprisingly tasty. and robb even had a cool grown up drink (gin, eucalyptus simple syrup, muddled strawberries and soda).

we then went to see "the hobbit" in 3D, which was completely fun and well done and even though it was 3 hrs long, we had no trouble staying awake and interested. which is a testament to the story line and delivery, because this theater has reclining squishy chairs with foot rests and the arm rests come up so we could cuddle and lie back....but, anyway, the movie was great. the scene i remember most from reading the novel as a kid was the cave scene between bilbo and gollum, and it was just as fun and weird and playful as it should have been. and the scenery was beautiful, the elf and hobbit and goblin and orc and dwarf worlds were also rich and well-constructed. good stuff. and cate blanchett is pretty. so very pretty.

ANYWAY, then we went to a mexican restaurant/sports bar and ate guac and drank margaritas and watched some football and giggled together a lot.

so the whole night was just a riot and totally got us back into oogly googly love for each other.

and i know that getting a sitter is expensive, but i think it's worth it now and then. i don't know exactly what/how to pay a babysitter, so i just pay a lot and hope they come back. 

here's my babysitter math:

7 hrs at about $10/hr (i know, maybe a lot for 1 kid, but he's our PRECIOUS)
Dinner and bath time bonus $10
Bedtime bonus $10
Kid pooped in bath bonus $10
(Paying someone else to clean up floating turd= priceless) 

and after the sitter left, henry slept and robb and i loved up on each other. and it was relaxed and fun and i felt like myself again. so maybe my libido's back! WOOOOOOOHOOOO!  it only took a year and a half. plus the 9 months before that. plus the 2 years before that....heh.

i think date nights are important now and then. helps us remember why we liked each other enough in the first place to make a henry. kind of brings us back to our center.

hope you all had super fun saturday nights, too!

Merry Christmas 2012 and Happy New Year 2013!!

well, it's the 28th now. which means i'm officially way WAY behind on blogging, and also that Christmas has past.

it makes me so sad when people talk about "surviving" the holidays or "getting through until january" or whatever, since, obviously, Christmas is the 'greatest day in the whole wide world.' but...i get it a little. that much merriment (food, alcohol, smiling) does leave you tired and over-stuffed eventually.

especially when traveling with a toddler. when i'm tired and overwhelmed, i might get quiet and pout in a corner. when henry is tired and overwhelmed, he paints the floor with his snotty tears. i might be more quick to snap at robb, henry throws a shoe. (honestly? who throws a shoe?). and he had a lot asked of him. i think we had 6 or 7 different gift-opening parties while visiting our families. that's a lot for a little guy.



you smell like beef and cheese! you sit on a throne of lies!



having said that, we really did have an amazing Christmas and wonderful break. we got to see almost all of our people, Christmas Eve service was lovely, and we got to share some wonderful gifts with our families and friends. i wrapped a few presents to people from henry so he gets used to the idea of giving. i think it's so important to be a good, gracious giver. he sort of got it. he says "here you go" and generally lets go when someone takes what he's giving them.

and he opened his own presents well. what a wonderful pile of loot he got!  of course, wanted to play with the first thing he opened and ignore the rest every time. :) but he got a lot of new books and movies and toys and even a basketball hoop and a wagon.



loves his new wagon! we all burned some calories running him around the house in it. :)

we got him a new snowsuit and all the snowy accoutrement. so far, loving it. :)

Merry Christmas, all! and Happy New Year!!!


What the #$% is a Duck-Dog?

                                                 

we were reading 'dr. seuss's ABC's' tonight and i'm struck by how totally brilliant dr. seuss was, and also how totally lazy. but he got away with it. because he was dr-friggin-seuss. or, i should say, dr-fiffer-feffer-feff-seuss.

he has this whole relationship with characters and languages that don't exist, so when he's writing an "educational" book on something like the ABC's, ostensibly to teach children the sounds and looks of letters and how they're used in common words, and he comes to a difficult letter, he does things like "Big Z, little z, what begins with Z? A Zizzer-Zazzer-Zuzz, as you can plainly see!"

riiiiight. obviously.

henry has this and a few books sort of memorized so when we're on letter "F" he's already saying "googoo goggles" for 'G.' (or his version of it). because every kid needs to know how to spell googoo goggles. :)

he identifies lots of things now, and it's pretty impressive. we're frankly shocked by how much he's saying and seems to be comprehending. we're in a bit of a panic that he might be one of those smart kids who needs nurturing and stuff. which sounds like a lot of work. and it makes me afraid for all the lapses in my learning that i'm sure to find. robb was talking about someone in bangladesh yesterday and in my brains i'm thinking, "is that near russia? i know it's on one of the 9 continents...wait! 7! 7 continents! oh, crap. is it a suburb of chicago? what is robb saying? is he still talking!? i missed it all. ok, face, look like you're right there with him. good. i think we fooled him. no? blergh."

but, really. it's so fun to watch henry learn. and at this stage, i'm getting a big kick out of helping him figure things out and encouraging his efforts. i clap and carry on when he correctly identifies animals and shapes and letters and stuff, but we have one conflict. he watches 'the muppets' and when he sees miss piggie, he says "PIG!" all happily, and does the sign for pig (finger to nose) and is all proud of himself. but i'm like, 'look, kid. she's a sophisticated lady pig. that's MISS PIGGIE to you, chump.' i mean, RESPECT, right??

and i mentioned that he has moved up 'grades' at school,? he's with 2-3 year olds now. so he's littler, but he's keeping up with them. and...i think they're jumping him into their gang. he's got a scab on his chin, a goose-egg on his forehead. kid looks like a hot mess. but he seems to be having fun, so i guess i'll leave baby fight club alone for now. (you should see the OTHER kid. yea.)

and he's not really that much smaller than the other brutes. we just took him for his 18 month visit and he's in the 50th-70th% for all measurements. weighing in at a whopping 25 lbs. he's very healthy and his belly enters a room first, just as it should be at this age. :)

My Hypothesis is Love

where do we put all the sadness?

how do we deal with an elementary school shooting that leaves dozens of dead children at the hands of a 20 y/o kid?

when we're working through our grief, where do we store those processed feelings without getting stomach ulcers and how do we not draw some pretty desperate conclusions about the world?

how do we plunge into that grief without getting stuck at the bottom of it? how do we come out whole and not assuming that the world is a dark place full of bad people?

i don't know. i'm still working on it.

but as horrifying as this is and as angry and scared as it makes me to think of someone having the capacity to do this...my gut reaction is to say that people are still basically good.

and that it is our responsibility to love each other. that doing that could fix things.

my hypothesis is love. it might be terribly small and simple, but it's all i've got.

and i think it stands to reason that if we're kind to every person we encounter, showing him that he's valuable and worth-while, is there not the chance that we can interrupt his self-loathing spiral toward violence?

is there not the remotest of chances that this shooter wasn't an unreachable sociopath (as it certainly seems he could have been), but rather someone with a ruined view of the value of life?

spread joy. be kind. attempt to love others like God loves- completely, unfailingly and especially to the most un-lovable among us.

in response to this awfulness, people in the media are talking gun control and school security. that's fine, but that's at the very end of the page. it's the last ditch effort to prevent a broken person from killing others.

but how do we prevent the person from breaking in the first place?

But Time Makes You Bolder, Children Get Older...

and suddenly we have a little kid instead of a baby. one who follows complex directions and speaks in full sentences that are at least 30% comprehensible. and he's long and big and dexterous and independent. and runs everywhere he goes and seeks out and says hello to people and plays games and tickles everyone and laughs at jokes.

and they're trying to move him up to the next level in both swim class and daycare.

swim class may or may not happen just yet. i guess 18 mos is the minimum they would ever move anyone up to the "mini junior goldfish guppy minnow class" (or whatever) and he might still be too young and immature. it will be a major change because instead of us being in a class with a bunch of other babies and their parents, swimming with him and holding him and doing all the exercises with him or at arms' length of him, he'll be 1 of 3 kids in a class with 1 teacher and we'll be BEHIND GLASS looking in. probably faces smushed up against the glass getting it all slobbery from our salty snotty tears, but still, behind glass and not in the water with him. where he'll have to wait on the edge of the pool and take his turn and not be impulsive. like a big kid.

like a boss.

and at daycare he's transitioning into the toddler room. today was the first day he was in there, suddenly and without warning, and he'll probably be back and forth between his current room and the new one for a while. robb picked him up and wasn't specifically given any instructions that i feared like "can't have pacifiers" or "has to be potty trained" or "must not bite friends or self," so i guess we're good to go. it was a lot more traumatic when they changed him just as suddenly from infant to early toddler. but, like everything in parenting and in life, once you've gone through it once, you're more prepared and adaptable. so if he rolls with it, so will we. new teacher and none of his little friends have moved up yet, so whole room full of new people.  but he'll pass out his little business cards and meet new people and make fast friends.

he's proven himself very amenable to change so far, and i hope this will be the same. he seems to really enjoy life and that is awesome.

like a boss.

A Very Merry Unbirthday and Almost a Merry Christmas to You!

henry turned 18 months yesterday. he is a joy. every day more funner-er and smarter-er. we celebrated by having our 1st Annual 'Elf' party where we watched the movie and ate the foods from the movie: the 4 food groups (candy corn, candy canes, candy, and syrup) and spaghetti, and drank Christmas drinks and decorated Christmas cookies. he was a champ- staying up way too late but having a ball.

working on Christmas letter and cards today and eating sugar cookies for breakfast and lunch. so far, a really good day. :)

Mom Body or Sad Saggy Bastard Anthem

overall, i've felt pretty good about my post-baby body. it took me almost a year after he hatched, but i did lose all the weight and i fit in my correct size jeans and all that.

when i suck in, i'm hot-ish.

but every once in a while my rose-colored glasses fall off and i'm reminded that it will never be the same.

witness last night when i was doing a really intense yoga class. i felt flexible and lean the whole time, was almost thinking 'i could be one of those girls with big enough balls to wear just a sports bra on top. yea.' until we did a head stand. then i was on my nogginn, looking up the distance of my body. but i didn't get very far. just above me was the cascading white doughy flesh of my belly as it tumbled down toward my face. there was no amount of sucking in that would fix that view. and no amount of therapy that can erase its memory. gravity is the debil.

and while we're on the subject of cascading parts- 'dem boobs. oy. a good bra can bring them back up to approximately where they ought to be, but without one- weak sauce. can you picture a drawing of Snoopy? yea, like that. and i still feel weird about them. they still sort of 'react' when henry cries. nothing dripping, but certainly on the alert. so using them for their non-baby intended purposes (bow chica) just feels awkward.

all that being said, i still overall feel pretty lucky. i'm healthy, i'm fit, i have a normal BMI, (and i even got away without too many stretch marks). and i have a healthy, wonderful kid to show for it.

ahem.

now excuse me whilst i go do 1000 sit-ups and spend an hour in a tanning bed. :)

To Always Be This Mystified by Tree Lights

we put up the tree last night with lights and when henry woke up this morning and ran into the living room, he stood staring at it, whispering "wow. woooow. wow. wow. wooow."

i got the same reaction to it this afternoon. observe. also, he loves BOX that came with something in it but, really, who cares about the something when there is BOX! and at some point he asks for his grandma (nanna). she and her mom (my grandma) came and visited the last couple days and it was all very confusing to him, me calling both grandma Grandma and my mom Grandma. his tiny brain was 'sploding with love for and spoiling from both the grandmas.

Boys and Their Toys (Well, Really, Just the One)

penis.

that is the word i decided long ago i would use to describe henry's, well, you know. i didn't want to beat around the bush (stop it) and call it his 'dinker-do' or squibbly-wabble' or 'ne'er do well' or whatever other pet names parents give to their progeny's genitalia.

but it hasn't mattered. he's not all that interested in it so far. he's not like a friend of mine's son who will actually allow himself to fall on his head, facing possible trauma and disfigurement, in the name of keeping both hands firmly planted on his wang-doodle.

however, i am concerned that i'm going a little bit overboard on the sexually liberated, forthright and honest parenting bit. whenever henry's hand absently wanders anywhere in the vicinity of his twig and berries, i'm all like "THAT'S RIGHT, HENRY! THAT IS YOUR PENIS." he's going to think it is a word that needs always to be announced. this could be a problem.

but i feel that if i don't give him the proper words to use and make it clear that it's a normal, healthy, natural thing to be curious about his wedding tackle,  he'll be messed up good for life.

or, this could happen.

I Have Always Depended on the Kindness of Strangers

i was never very tolerant of people with kids in public places. i'll admit that. it used to irritate me to hear a crying/whining (and no doubt, smelling bad and full of boogers) short person making a scene. on a plane (WORST), in a restaurant, even at the hospital where i work and i know they were visiting a family member patient and i should have been so compassionate but still i was all like, 'hey, lady, can you keep your grubby kid off the hospital floor? he might give it some gross germs.' :)

anyway, all that is to say, that i am now ESPECIALLY humbled because strangers are SO nice to us! when we traveled, when we're out shopping or eating. no one is, obviously, cursing us and, in fact, people are really helpful.

witness tonight at trader joe's when henry decided life as a henry was just too much for him and he was falling apart as i carried him, boneless and wailing, through the store. people were all helpful 'can i reach that for you' and 'here, let me get out of your way' instead of all 'i'm going to choke that kid.'

it's awesome. go society! it probably is that they've all been there before and remember my current situation with some nostalgia. they remember their kids when they were just developing language ("NO!") and doing adorable things like bashing their heads against the side of the cart to make a point (much like starving oneself for social injustice).

i know that some day not too far from now i will feel the same way. and already i'm less self-conscious than i used to be when he has fits in public. but he's not saying anything really loud and clear yet. i guess the next phase will be learning how to gracefully navigate a "THAT FAT LADY SMELLS FUNNY, MOMMY!" moment.

sigh. :)

Feeling Pain is Better Than Not Feeling

on reflecting about a friend of ours who is just kicking all kinds of ass lately in life, robb said "it's funny what happens when people start to believe they're valuable."

so friggin' true. and some people are lucky and learn it early and get so many more years to have fun with life. and also to get out of their own ways so they can live life well and better serve the people they love. and some people don't catch on until late in life, or, sadly, ever, maybe.

but most definitely, the more we're hung up on how awful we are or how much we need to be punished for our flaws/weaknesses, the more dull and dulled we are, the less we can give and love. and the more we are restless and unhappy. 

i've been thinking a lot lately about what it takes to be a complete person. to grow up and 'embrace your potential.' i was looking through old pictures of myself from high school when i was home for thanksgiving. and notes and poems and stuff my friends and i wrote to each other.

i was pretty unhappy through most of my teenage years. this isn't unusual, i'm sure. but i just remember always feeling unbalanced. like i definitely did not get myself and it freaked me out. i felt stifled and bored and always restless, searching. i never felt grounded and like i was making the right decisions for me, because i didn't know who that was or what they might be. so i made efforts to feel more unbalanced. to date dangerously, to dapple in substances, to wallow and stay on the dark side.

and then i read 'atlas shrugged' by ayn rand. and i really started listening to God. (these are fairly unrelated, although i do NOT think you have to be atheist to be an objectivist. whole 'nother topic). and i got close to robb.

and the three of those things together made me realize i could be kind of great. or maybe already was. it was a really hard thing to get to, since i'd spent a lot of time self-loathing. i was an expert.  but i realized how vain it was to stay consumed with myself, my crappy self.

eventually i concluded that i owed it to myself and the world to stop knocking myself around and be my best me. to keep growing and changing and thriving and live a life that is full and big and loud. to be hot with life. not to let it fester or get cold. to stay driven. stay excited. keep on loving harder, learning more and laughing bigger.

every few years i have to renew this pledge. usually life reminds me that i've gotten a little stale in it and i have to fight to keep fighting. after i was hospitalized and almost died 3 years ago, i lost what was left of my self-consciousness. (this isn't french) FUCK IT was my new motto. every second i was alive and me and with the people who loved me and who i loved was a miracle and the other garbage that interferes with the joy in that? (still not french) FUCK IT.

and i don't think i'm burying my head in the sand. i have known pain since and i've felt it acutely. and i've had my moments of self pity and meals of chocolate ice cream and cabernet, but i guess i'm good with that. i want to feel all the feelings and as large as they are. i don't want to hide from them or dull them (ok, i mean, a little. come on!). i want to see myself through them and take pictures of the scars that they left once i've made it to the other side. the scars are what make me interesting. and able to give anything good to anyone else.


"feeling pain is better than not feeling." -'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close' by Jonathan Safran Foer. i'm reading and loving LOVING this book and i read this quote today. 

i want to give people the gift of showing them they're valuable. and you know, we have that power. to give or take that from people. which is why i think the quality i wish most on henry is kindness.

in general, as a parent, i want to get my kid to a place as soon as possible, where he is secure in who he is and actually enjoys it.

i pray: dear God, let him have so many moments of pure, good, true joy. and let him get himself through the painful times with a pure heart, knowing that he did right by himself and others and You. let him feel good about the decisions he makes and thrilled by the life he's leading. let him know that he'd choose himself as a friend and treat himself thusly- with respect, pride, and admiration.

this has sort of evolved, but now every night when i'm putting him to bed, i whisper:

God loves you. mommy and daddy love you. grandmas and grandpas and aunts and uncles and cousins and family and friends love you. and you love everybody. because you are good and kind and sweet and smart and loving and beautiful and funny and fun and good. (i say that one twice because it seems important). and you're doing a great job of being a person so far. it's not always easy, but you're doing a bang up job. i love you.

Full Sentences!

henry just grabbed a book off the bookshelf (THE book. the only book that would do) and walked it over to robb, who was putting together a lamp.

"here you go."

i said, "henry, daddy is busy. can i read it to you? can mommy read it?"

he looked at me, then back at robb and said "here you go, daddy."

'nuff said. :)

More of the Same; Reproduction Junction

have i mentioned that i'm working in obstetrics and gynecology now?

so i'm helping to deliver babies and taking out female cancers. it's pretty awesome. and what i've always wanted to do. it's a big change from what i was doing, so there's a large learning curve and some adjusting, but it's pretty great. and, being around pregnant people and new critters all the time is,  consequently, making me want to hatch another one.

and, at first blush, i feel like pulling my goalie and making a new one RIGHT NOW...but then i spend another half day in the department and see scary, sad things happen and i get really afraid to try again.

i mean, my miscarriages were hard. but they were really early. not all of them are. and i can't even wrap my brain around the pain of having a full, real baby in there who you've kind of gotten to know-have maybe even gotten henry excited about- and then losing it. and it would involve surgery then, not just some bleeding....

argh. and that's if we got pregnant on our own in the first place! there's always the likelihood that we'll have to struggle to get there. and las drogas that i took last time to make it happen aren't without their side-effects or without the very real possibility of multiples....

yipes. so i'll just sit on this for a while.

meanstwhile, i wll fawn over the screaming slimy red newborns i'm taking out of people and wish them all the best. and i'll attempt to bring comfort to those women i see who are going through losses.

i feel really fortunate to be able to see people in those critical moments of their lives. and i hope i'm making their experiences somewhat better. but for me personally, it's a blessing and a curse to see and know as much as i do. no blissful ignorance here.

hmmm.....

faith you say? good point. we'll work on that. :)

Thanking God for Our Little Fish and Considering Making a School

 i have been astounded by the new ways i've learned to love since becoming a mom. 

i have more of me to offer because of henry. he demands more and i've grown enough surplus me to provide it. i'm more complete and happy and a more fully realized version of myself because i am his mom.

so i suspect, when you have another child, you just add to the well of what you can give. it seems impossible i could feel as many huge emotions for another person, but i guess you just expand your capacity for a matching set of them.

and i think the all-hearts-out, enormous feelings i get for him are a combination of amazement that he exists (i love the smell of the back of his neck), that he is who he is (i love the look of anticipation he has when he knows i'm about to tickle him), that he's mine (his eyes are the same eyes i've seen in the mirror for 30 years), and that he needs me so much.

that need may be the biggest pull they have on us. they are vulnerable and need us to help them figure out how to be people in this world.  i have to protect him. i have to give him enough support and protection to know he's not standing on his own and the experiences and wherewithal to know that if he has to, he is able.

i started reflecting on all this cuz i was watching robb swim with him tonight at his swimming lesson. henry is so confident and sure of himself and has a ball. he drinks a ton of water because he hasn't learned to close the goofy grin for a second while he's being submerged. he laughs and jumps and plays and nothing stops him.  but it wasn't always like that. when we started, he fussed for weeks and weeks and would cling to robb each 30 minute swim class. he hated going under water. he almost never smiled.

and he cried every time he had to roll on his back to look up for back exercises. i think he felt most out of control then. but now he nestles into robb's neck and looks up and chatters about the fish on the ceiling. no fear. only confidence. in himself and his dad.

that's a huge responsibility- to provide someone persistent reassurance and availability and to keep pushing them to challenge themselves and achieve. to give them faith and confidence that you won't let them fall and teach them how to float on their own, so that, eventually they won't let themselves fall.

it's also an enormous gift to give someone. 

we're in discussions on when to get henry a human playmate. there's some talk of pregnancy sometime in the next year. but there's also some talk of adopting.

i have seen or been part of both biological and adoption stories that are miraculous and wonderful and totally heartbreaking and devastating. i know with adoption there is great risk as well as great expense.

i also believe we could give a child a love, security, and future he/she would never otherwise have. and it seems wasteful not to do that.  we have so much and there are so many kids with nothing. let's meet in the middle for at least one of them, i'm thinking.

we'll see. we're just starting to consider our options. obviously, life and the huge pile of love and resources we're providing is a gift for any child, biologically ours our not.

it's a lot to think, talk, and pray about.

17 Months of Wonder,

duckling is getting more and more fun every day. tonight, we literally rolled around laughing together from the time we got him home after work until we put him to bed. he PLAYS now. and sort of, kind of gets how jokes work. A-MA-ZING. i've loved every stage of him more than the last and this one right now is the best. naturally.

he loves books. he asks for them all the time and knows many by heart (starts to say/sign the next page before we get there, etc). he is stringing some words together ('where blankie' and 'mommy juice'- no joke. he points to my wine and calls it mommy juice. so proud i could cry). he eats like a boss. usually when he wakes in the morning his first words are "EAT" or "HUNGRY" or "APPLE." he still loves watching the muppets and is totally into fish. i have a new aquarium app on my phone that i am totally obsessed with he seems to really enjoy.

enough talking. time for the good stuff:

"henry ready go" is from swimming lessons. we say it to him right before we're going to drop him/push him under water. good times had by all. 




i think he actually says "grover" and i correct him like a big mean jerk. therapy.



LOVES TO READ!!



robb says tonight, "i think he's too young to get complexes."

Halloween 2012 and 'How to Raise a Tiny Psychopath'

henry was 'the dude' from "the big lebowski" for halloween this year. we figured this might be our last year of him not having much of an opinion on the subject, so we'd dress him in a way that makes us giggle. (the one on the left is henry, the one on the right is jeff bridges)

he drank his "caucasian" (hold the vodka, hold the kahlua, coconut milk sub for creamer) and loved answering the door to the trick-or-treaters ("hiiii!"). he also trick-or-treated to exactly 1 house, but kind of had to be dragged away from the leaves he was playing in and up the steps. once he got there, he saw the dog behind the glass door, and we had to drag him back down the steps away from the house. after all that dragging, we just set up shop in our living room to give out candy. CANDY! he gets it and he likes it.

smarties are to henry as cocaine is to, well, anyone, i guess. he looooooved them. he also enjoyed combing through the bowl of candy and hoarding it all for himself. when the poor saps at the door wanted some, he was having none of that.

lately, even when we're not hyperstimulating him with sugar, he's been getting really frustrated. he melts down and throws himself to the floor, shakes and clenches his jaw and sometimes hits himself or us when he doesn't get what he wants, and today at daycare, he bit himself hard enough to leave a mark when another kid had the toy he wanted. i was all ready to write love on his arm and intervene, but the daycare guru lady said it's typical at this stage. when he can't yet express what he wants verbally, but he SHORE as hell knows what it is when he's not getting it, he uses any method he can to release the aggression. they told me to be thankful he's biting himself instead of others. well, he's done that, too. but i guess this way we're not getting any new strands of rabies, right?

hopefully we can help give him some coping skills and language to express his frustration before he gnaws off a foot or something.

the dude abides.

 

Fun to Be Away but So Good to Be Home

i turned 32 today. for some reason, this one is bothering me. i look old to myself in pictures. could be the stress of a new job, or my extra few lbs i seem to be lugging around lately, or my new super short (accidental) mom haircut, or, the strain on my liver of all the wine i drank this weekend....but something. but i just feel kind of meh.

and, i guess for a long time i've surrounded myself by friends who are a few years older than me. but in my new job, all the residents are a cute bubbly 26 and they dress cute and make pop culture references i have to pretend laugh at because i don't understand them and....sigh.

but it wasn't without much celebration! i had a beautiful weekend with my aunts and cousins and grandma, sister, and mom where we went wine tasting and ate ourselves sick, played games, and just generally enjoyed each other. it was wonderful.

and henry went with robb to visit his uncle and great aunt and they had a marvelous time. they swam at a club (no one pooped in the pool) and went to a halloween party where henry tried out his costume for the first time.

this is the first time i've been away from h monkey for 2 consecutive nights and....we both did fine. he is so much less dependent on me lately, it seems the umbilical cord has finally fallen off.

and, of course, i have mixed feelings on this. :) but mostly i'm just really glad he's well-adjusted enough that he can be with daddy and family and relax and enjoy w/o needing me all the time. it's great for him and some freedom for me.

but, thankfully, he snuggled in with me when i came home and let me put him to bed. and i'm off work tomorrow, so, pending weather, we're going to either go to the zoo or a museum or mall or something fun.

he's such a little joy. and i am so stuffed full of cake and blessings. :)

I is Me but Him is Henry

at the advent of henry's english language learnin', i'm finding a few things difficult to teach.

like pronouns.

child knows who henry is (the middle of his chest/forehead) and he knows "mine" and "me" but i don't think he gets that that is all the same person('s). and the concept of "i" is totally lost.

like who am i? (the person typing)...i am mommy. and but i can't both be "i" and "mommy", can i? and if i'm "i" how can henry also be "i?" or am i "she?" or "her?" and what if i'm referring to the female dog when i say "her?"  and what about "him?" is daddy him? or henry?

but henry is "me!?"

it's enough to make my head hurt. or more simply put, "mommy's head hurts. enough of a lesson today, henry. mommy and henry will resume tomorrow. now go fetch mommy her mommy juice."

you can see why kids are still referring to themselves in the 3rd person at ages 4 and 5.

tomorrow....

and we haven't even started tackling the concept of time yet! oy vey.

Sixteen-Love

hj-monkey-clap-yo-hands turned 16 months today.

at this point in his life, he is funny. so funny. he laughs all the time and gives lots of kisses and hugs. he loves to read books and you have to pay attention or he'll be backing onto your lap with a book before you know it. he runs around like a goof and can entertain himself, by himself quite well. he plays with blocks and animals and makes all the animal sounds (the owl, snail, and monster are probably the biggest crowd pleasers- i'll try to catch him on video soon, but you know, he's very wily). he talks quite well. he repeats everything (nothing bad...YET), and recently added "people" and "paper" to his repertoire. he still loves watching the original "the muppet show" from 1978. we've practically worn out the first season, so i'm hoping he'll get the subsequent seasons for Christmas. (amazon wishlist, hint, hint). he also watches 'sesame street' and 'fraggle rock,' but not yet with the same rapt attention that he pays kermit & co. (especially loves the joel grey episode, that's my boy!).

he is mostly really good-natured and chatty and smiley, but he is still, as he was in his tiny infancy, very passionate. tonight he swam during his swimming lesson like he was going for the gold. almost manic in his enthusiasm and vigor. and then crashed hard in the car into a pile of angry drool. he can go from zero to total meltdown in no time. he's taken to beating his head against things when he's really mad and he goes 'boneless' and drops to the floor to make a point. he still doesn't much like being confined- the high chair and car seat is still for chumps. he tends to be clingy on "MOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYY" when he's upset, but that seems to be getting a little bit better.

he can be very melodramatic. we're sort of onto him, though. often with all the histrionics, there are no actual tears and with the right distraction, he can bounce back from meltdown to zero awfully quickly. suspiciously quickly. :)

my parents just keep laughing and shaking their heads, muttering things about how they wonder where he gets his dramatic tendencies and how they don't know anyone else who ever overreacted like that....:)

i have no idea what they're talking about. but it sounds like a bunch of lies.

:)

angry tiny french man. please note the dozens of bottles in front of him meant to bribe him out of his hysteria. apparently smoothies and water just won't cut it when all you want is a good cognac.

oh, and next time i write, don't let me forget to tell you about henry's first coed naked bath time and how he got trampled and pooped on (or near) in swift order. it makes for good funnies.

Happy Anniversary to My robb.

robb and i got married on october 5, 2002. i was 21 and he was 24.

we have great memories of that time. we had a beautiful wedding, some great showers (a tea party and a luau, how cool is that?) and a super fun honeymoon to toronto and stratford, on.

i've decided that weddings should happen a few years into a marriage. after 5-10 years or so, you need all the nice stuff that you didn't register for when you were young and dumb and instead registered for movies and fly swatters at target (ok, we would still do all that today)...so you should get updated showers for things like the vitamix. (holla). also, this far into marriage, after i've learned some stuff, my vows are more specific. see below.

our original vows: "i take you, robb, to be my husband, and these things i promise you: i will be faithful to you and honest with you; i will respect, trust, help and care for you; i will share my life with you; i will forgive you as we have been forgiven and i will try, with you, to better understand ourselves, the world, and God, through the best and worst of what is to come as long as we live."

those are still nice and still true, but i would now add the following:

-i vow to (try to) not drive on the neighbor's lawn (as much) anymore when backing down the driveway.
-when we're fighting, i vow to try to reach out to you and to always be kind and respectful (even if planning your death in my head)
-if you criticize how i do the laundry, i promise i won't boycott it altogether and leave you with nothing but pajamas and neckties to wear to work (again)
-i have loved you for a long time. and i will always love you.
-i will always laugh next to you.
-i will always love talking to you
-i will always beat up the people who pick on you- even if it's you (but not if it's me)
-i will always love your smell (except when i'm pregnant)
-i will always be grateful for the following:
    -that you're willing to deal with baby and dog poop when i'm dry heaving because one of them just
     crapped on the carpet/in the bathtub
    -that you are really good at maps and math and other stupid things that i hate
    -that you (almost) always laugh at my jokes
    -that you can, somehow, track my moods and ride along with me as they change *enthusiastically*
    -that you like the same movies i like (because "it's not what you're like, it's what you like")
    -that you like the same weird food i like (see above)
    -that you're whimsical, fun, positive, and full of life
    -and, mostly, that's not annoying
    -that you encourage me, strengthen me, and help me be my best me
    -that you make good popcorn
    -that you hang pictures really straight
    -that you don't seem to mind when i make fun of your ocd tendancies (and regularly call you
     'rainman')
     -that you give the world's greatest hugs. for reals. greatest. ever. (i've even checked in australia)


we've been through a lot in the last 10 years. what we've done since we got married; the bullet items:

-we moved across the country and back
-we've bought and sold at least 6 cars, and bought 1 house
-we've been pregnant 3 times, resulting in 2 hard losses and 1 very special henry
-i finished 2 degrees 
-robb lost and kept off 80 lbs (woooo!) and got everything all tucked
-we've, together, competed in 5 half marathons, a full marathon, a couple of 25k's and a few triathlons (robb > sarah, naturally)
-we were in several cover bands together, performing for, literally, dozens of people, and also did some live theater. robb has been in a few original bands and has albums out in the world
-we've adopted a gerbil (barry jive) and a greyhound dog (mrs. mia wallace) and have fostered several other greyhounds
-we were baptized(!) as adults, and we've been both elders and slacker members of several great churches
-we've met and kept some amazing friends from across the world, thanks to our travels and the intertubes
-we've traveled to paris, mexico, amsterdam (robb), and all over the US
-we've been blessed to celebrate many weddings, graduations, anniversaries and births with our families
-we've raised almost $10,000 toward leukemia and lymphoma research through 'team in training'

a decade seems like forever and like no time at all. the first one has been amazing and we're up for loads more to come.

love. so much love.

What We've Been Up To...

sorry i've been such a negligent blogger lately. henry has been taking 1.5 hrs to fall asleep most nights, which eats mightily into my computer-y time.

i've also been busy training for a half marathon i'm running in a few weeks and preparing to change jobs tomorrow.

i'll write more soon about henry's wacky adjustment back to eastern time and how it's effecting his sleep schedule and my psyche...

but for now, enjoy some monkey mayhem.


loves the park.can't get enough of it. too bad there are so many monsters on the loose.


henry now LOVES swimming lessons. watch him go!!


this video is a little hard to watch (dramamine helps), but man was he having fun. actually, we all had tummy aches from laughing so hard! :)

There is No Henry, Only Zuul.

several times in seattle, and again last night and tonight, henry wakes up in hysterics and is inconsolable. he bats away all attempts for comfort. even being held and rocked, sang to, pacifier...all of it is dead to him when he is beyond himself like that.

it's really hard to see. and he just winds up higher and higher and is screaming- it sounds like it must be hurting his throat. and his little snot nose is running all over....it's rough.

a change of scenery (taking him outside) or turning on "melmo" (the muppets dvd) will eventually calm him enough that he can be comforted and finally ushered back to sleep.

but when he's full throttle, it's almost like he doesn't even see us.

i'm wondering if it's night terrors. or teething- but he's never responded to pain like this before. we give him motrin when he's melting down, but it's hard to know if that, or time, or kermit is what finally relaxes him.

we're going to the peds for his 15 month appt tomorrow and we'll talk to her about it then.

poor angel.

Part II: Seattle (And Still No Yeti, But Yet More Hills)

salmon on the fish ladder, ballard locks

monday, i ran in a nearby park and around a lake (so beautiful! but SO hilly! but so pretty! but so hilly! but kind of want to just sit down and look and stop this stupid running!) we explored the neighborhoods- fremont, capitol hill, and ballard and saw the fremont troll and the ballard locks with the salmon running. we ate thai for lunch and fancy mediterranean for dinner and found some great boutiques in which to spend money. (thank God they were there! what would we have done?!)

fremont troll

tuesday, we met up with some friends and henry got to play with their little scooter (about the same age, also named henry. it was a henry-palooza) and i got to drink his home-roasted coffee. soooo nummmy.

seattle underground. henry found he preferred to be above ground.

(oh, on the topic of coffee....loved espresso vivace. also enjoyed drip coffee from caffe vita and several others whose names i cannot remember but i am certain are neither 'starbucks' nor 'seattle's best.' i am also certain that seattle has ruined me for ever being able to tolerate a cup of hospital coffee ever again. instead of "i taste hints of vanilla and oak" it's more like "i taste ass and fire. definitely ass...maybe even ON fire.")


then we got lunch in the U district (university of washington, where all the vegan hippies go, apparently) at a delightful local vegan hot spot and then went to the EMP where henry and i slept in the car and robb explored and saw all kinds of super sweet stuff. i am told. :) then we went on the seattle underground tour to see what happened after this hilly, muddy pioneer square area burned down in 1889 and was then re-built with retaining walls on ground level then intentionally flooded with (somewhat) sturdy stuff while the usable buildings were built on top of all that. very interesting.

nirvana exhibit, EMP museum

seattleites are very friendly.

and that concluded our trip. we saw and did a lot, but also got a lot of good relaxing in. and eating. oh, Lordy, did we eat.


but people are so active (and happy. and polite) there, the donuts and other food don't really seem to stick much. like in most cities, everyone is trim and attractive and has chic hair and clothes. especially there, maybe. this place (portlanders would probably disagree) seems to be the world epicenter of cool, new, and fun. like a friend said, "the city has whimsy." and it does. everyone seems to make an effort to make it more fun, more interesting, more tasty to live there. the collective conscious seems to be WE LOVE IT HERE, not how can we keep making it better?

and that is so fun and refreshing.

we will definitely go back. we would love to see portland and the mountains and more of the oceany-island-y stuff. and the city is friendly, and easy to get around in, and fun and interesting.



but....there are a lot of hills.

it's always good to come home after a long time away. we'll see what the time change, jet lag stuff does to our baby monster. after the red eye landed at 6am, he let us all sleep in until 11am. then fell back to sleep at 6pm this time and was back up, blazing mad at 9pm and its midnight now and we're all still up! so we shall see what tonight/tomorrow brings. 

quick grocery shopping after returning home. unconscious man. 6pm.

......more pics........

fish throwing at pike place market

flowers at PPM- gorgeous and cheap! those bouquets- $5!!

original starbucks- same stuff as unoriginal starbucks.

"gum wall" at pike place market 

kid really likes root beer.    a lot.

Part I: Back From Seattle- We Saw and Ate it All! (Except for the Yeti)

seattle was amazing.

but there are a lot of hills. 

first, after all my anxiety about flying with a baby, henry traveled like a total boss. on both flights (non-stop, late night, 1 dose of benadryl), he slept the whole way and the few minutes before take-off when he was awake, he was charming and solicitous to the folks around us, so they all kind of seemed to be on our side after that.

on my lap, on the plane. safety vest for decoration.

i even got over the fact that, while we waited in the airport, he ran around and ate fallen crackers from the carpet that surely had SARS, MRSA, VRE, and both avian and swine flue's laced into the weave.

ahem. anyway.

our first few days there, he and robb spent a lot of time walking around the central business district while i was in a conference. we're so fortunate that we have some friends and family out there, so they were able to show us around and make sure we got where we needed to be. not to exclude beaches and donut shops. seattle is full of donut shops. apparently you have to have something delicious to dip in your delicious coffee.

i thumbs up this philosophy.

thursday, we flew in late. the drive into town from the airport is lovely- large evergreen trees line the highway and the cityscape is beautiful. i was surprised and disappointed that we did not see a sasquach on our way in, but i hear they can really mess up a front end, and we were driving a rental...so probably for the best.

(incidentally, we also saw no vampires. the trip was a total failure in the mystical creature department. perhaps we were in the wrong parts of the pacNW?)

wide awake, chipper. 3:00am

seattle is 3 hrs behind us at home, so the first few mornings, henry was wide awake and chipper at 3am, but he eventually adjusted. friday, robb shopped and beached with friends and family while i conferenced. and for dinner we all ate a sort of sushi buffet where the food travels past you on a conveyor belt and you just pick and pay for what you want. awesome. so good. want one in my house.

puget sound is perty

flashing the sign for "pig"(super proud of himself)

saturday, i conferenced some more and then we met up with some friends and explored pike place market and the aquarium.  both were very cool. PPM has some really interesting food (we ate bolivian for lunch!) and the produce is incredible. robb bought some "holy shit" peaches (their name, not mine, but i would have named them similarly) and chocolate covered cherries. we also saw fish get thrown and henry kissed a pig. (see below). the aquarium was a huge hit with monkey. he said and signed "FISHFISHFISHFISHFISH" for roughly 90 minutes straight.  then we ate ethiopian for dinner with my wonderful cousin and her hubs.

FISH! seattle aquarium.

sunday, before we checked out of the hotel, we went for a swim.

henry had a ball! he's totally comfortable in the water now, after all those swimming lessons, and he and robb are a fine pair of fish. they splash and dive and throw each other around and just laugh until they crap themselves.

no, seriously. henry totally pooped in the pool. robb and i had a quick wide-eyed, guilty-panic-look exchange and then we wrapped him in 3 towels and raced out of the fitness center, up the elevator, and to the safety of our hotel room where we could hose him down and try not to vom in peace.

so, that happened.

space needle

after that, we went up the space needle and to the chihuly garden and glass museum and ate great mexican food. then we found our way to my cousin's neck of the woods and we enjoyed a cool craft/flea market, some vegan desserts, and some delicious home-grilled salmon (and veggie brats!).

glass works at chihuly glass museum

15 Months is Fine, Fine, Fine

well, monkey hit 15 mos on the 8th. he's been going through a lot of changes lately.

he has become SO verbal! he has tons of new words and seems to really be exploring his language. he copies a lot of what we say and comes up with new vocab seemingly out of the blue. on a walk the other day, he points up and says "mooooon," accurately identifying a sliver of the moon. maybe he got it from reading 'goodnight moon?' we don't know. can't recall every pointing and identifying the moon to him before. he also (sometimes) says/signs please and thank you, which we've decided is really important. he also has a sign language book for animals, so he can sign dog and frog and others. it's adorable.
 life (work) has been a bit chaotic lately, but this little boy is pure joy, and makes all the other stuff seem like small potatoes. he is so loving and funny and smart and goofy. life with him is a lot of fun.

we spent his 15 month day at a cool kids garden and sculpture park with both grandma's, one of his great-grandmas, and his auntie E. it was a wonderful time. cool place and great company.

enjoy the pics! we're heading to seattle this coming weekend, so follow for "adventures of a baby monster in the pacific northwest."

can you imagine cleaning up after that horse? yowza.

crushing your head.

Corn-Fed Baby Monster/Hide Your Ears/And Other Corny Jokes

It Turns Out Sleep Is Even Better Than I Remembered

sorry it's been ages since i blogged. busy summer with lots of super fun small trips and lots of crazy busy days at work, etc, etc.

but i cannot blame a lack of sleep! monkey butt sleeps like a champ now! has for about a month. and i don't want to curse anything (could just be a phase, always), but maybe we're over some sort of hurdle. 


all the experts say sleep is just another skill they need to learn like walking and flinging pees so they hit you square between the eyes.

it's amazing. all this time, the nighttime ritual we faithfully did seemed stupid because he never went down easily and didn't stay asleep long anyway....but all of a sudden, all it takes is reading to him (we all cuddle in our bed for 3-5 books, depending on how persuasive he is), a few minutes of rocking in his bedroom w/ some lullabies on, and then i put him in his crib ass-end up while he's still kind of awake, and he goes to sleep.

works for naps and bedtime. and he pretty much sleeps overnight from 8p-6a without waking up, although occasionally he fidgets for his pacifier or whatever. and then takes a 2-3 hr nap during the day.


and, man, this is so SO much better than it had been.

and just when robb and i are feeling like we're waking from this year-long sleep-deprived hallucination, all the boneheads we know are asking us if we're ready to have another baby.

uf! not now. wait until we're far enough in the clear w/ henry that we forget just how little sleep it actually is when they're newborns...then we'll talk.

and, PS, there are still LOADS of teeth to come in on our current model, so all this bragging i'm doing right now might haunt me when i'm up at 2am with an angry drooling baby monster.

but right now, all is quiet and peaceful. and i like it. :)

Monkey Lost His (Rat) Tail- First Haircut 8/18/12

we figured it was time for a haircut when baby mullet > baby curls

he stayed perfectly still! couldn't have been sweeter and more cooperative.

it helped that he could sit in my lap. he was curious, looking around at all the shiny things...

we went to robb's hairdresser who he's been seeing for years. she was WONDERFUL with henry.

finished product. very dapper dude. he looks a lot older!

The Zombie Apocalypse is Now: Are You Prepared?

henry got bitten for the first time today by one of the little bastards at daycare. it left a mark but did not puncture skin. so we don't have to worry about rabies, i think.

it's really not a big deal. it will happen again. and i'm sure at some time we will be on the other side of things.

apparently the kid is a menace, though. when robb was picking up henry and getting the run-down on the event, the child was right then biting another victim in the room. so the poor care-takers had to write up ANOTHER incident report.

i think they might need to get that child a tiny 'silence of the lambs' mask cage thing. just until he gains some control. :)

Fourteen Months Young

monkey is 14 months old today. he had a rough night last night. robb and i both seem to have a flu right now, and i'm guessing henry has the same, but can't verbalize his complaints of chills and aches, so just thrashes around and screams unless his (very ill and cranky) parents walked around with him for hours on end. :(

but then this morning, he came up and kissed me without being prompted, for the first time. a proper kiss with no teeth and no drool and even a little *smack* noise. adorable.

so all is well. :)

he is so verbal lately. it's a riot. he says and signs "more." he very clearly says "mia," the dog's name and has started repeating what you say to him. and his first 2-sylable word is "cracker." i think it's a judgement on us more than the name of a food item, but i have no proof. he also does a few animal noises. we bought him a fisher price barn w/ all the animals at a garage sale down the street, so we've been learning our animals and their noises.

he's walking without difficulty now and even running some without falling. he will chase us around the house and play large scale, full contact games of peek-a-boo. he gets all giggly when we're "coming to get him" but hasn't yet figured out to run away from us.

he has something like 12 teeth now, although i can never be sure because he is wily and very bite-y. a few are still working their way up.

we're hoping he's gaining weight. we've been adding full fat coconut milk and seed butter and oils to everything. he's definitely lengthening. there are parts a-plenty flying all over the place when we try to sit with him in the rocking chair.

and we are totally weaned from nursing. i still have a small frozen supply, so i'll try to stretch that out so he gets some breast milk for fat & immunity every couple days.

weaning went ok. up until last night, he's actually sleeping better, i think because there's nothing good to wake up to so why bother? :) i started the full birth control pill again and i think that's helped me transition easily from my end. it dried me up and i haven't had any pain or leaking or issues like that.

and just to prove he's a big boy for reals, he is scheduled for his first hair cut next week. i will, of course, post pics.

toodles!

It Walks!

henry's been tottering around for over a month, but now he can change directions mid-stride and right himself when tilting (usually). he's running up and down the hallways in our house and truly tormenting the poor dog.

it's awesome. enjoy!

Fat Actress

well, like renee and charlize before him, henry is in the business of needing to pack on the pounds.

i took him in to the peds office this week because he has another respiratory virus with some wheezing (=nebulizer treatments again, considered "pre-asthma" at this point AND getting 3 teeth right now, poor fella) and he isn't gaining as much weight as he should.

the pediatrician isn't very concerned- he's in constant motion, burning calories at a high rate. he eats fairly well, but obviously not enough/the right stuff to catch up with all that activity. so we talked about ways to get more fat into his diet. she was very encouraging about the dairy-free vegetarian thing. i was ready to scrap all of our health platforms and get the kid a cheeseburger asap, but she didn't think it was necessary.

i did, however, go directly to trader joe's and buy chips and guac, cookies, and chocolate covered bananas. we've started making him these super high fat, high protein smoothies that he happily slurps down, and are giving him fried eggs, coconut everything and avocados constantly. we're avoiding nuts for now, at least until he's 18 months for the potential allergy. i made a healthy, fatty vegan alfredo sauce tonight with pasta that he liked.

covered in chocolate and chip dust #getinmybelly

but in truth, all he wants is fruit. all the time. we have to eliminate all sightings of oranges and bananas in the room before he'll eat anything else. and if there's even the merest mention of a blueberry? forget it. i've taken to dipping strawberries in sunflower seed butter. and 'buttering' (coconut oil) anything and everything. he's going to grow up thinking all foods are slippery and must be wrestled into submission. we're being creative to get in the needed fat and protein and everything. but i am glad he likes fruit.

the gall of us asking him to eat not fruit.

from what i've read about vegetarian, dairy-free diets, kids on them can (and should, often do) get huge from this plant-based, whole-food diet. i just think we haven't been focusing enough on the fat. so now we're gonna fluff him up like a Christmas goose! or, you know, Christmas tofu-goose. here is a great blog post from a vegan mom on the subject. 

this is the kind of thing we eat regularly- dinosaur kale wraps w/ quinoa and beans plus lots of veggies and a sesame sauce. henry can totally eat this kind of thing, we just have to roll it in cake mix and deep fry it first. :)

How We Do Chocolate Mousse, Vegan Style, Yo

yum. so i got this cookbook called "the complete guide to vegan food substitutions" by steen and newman. it's pretty good. (uses peanut oil a lot, but can obviously be subbed for allergies).

i was leafing through it the other day and henry went "mmmmmm" and pointed when he saw a picture of BBQ beans. so i made them. and made a whole summer meal around them (with dill capers tater salad, vegan coleslaw, and veggie burgers). needless to say, beans of anticipation turned out delicious but were too spicy for monkey and they were spit out among so many tears of unfathomable sadness. in the same leafing through cookbook episode, we BOTH went "mmmmm" and pointed when we saw a pic of chocolate mousse.

so i made that, too. henry won't eat it, either. but that's no judgement on the mousse. it's more because he's boycotting food because his face hurts and he's trying to give me an ulcer paired with a psychotic break.

anywho....where was i?

oh, right? mousse.

here's the recipe. quick, easy, healthy and vegan, allergen free and so freaking good.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

ABC Mousse Topper page 244 (sweetened w/ fruit and no added refined sugar, other than what's in the chocolate....this can be used as a cupcake frosting, or chilled, as a mousse. i served it like mousse with some vegan whipped cream on top).

1.5 cups bittersweet chocolate chunks
1/4 c coconut milk
2 large ripe bananas, sliced
2 small ripe Haas avocados, pitted and peeled
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1/2 tsp rum extract
1/2 tsp pure orange extract
1/4 tsp pure coconut extract
pinch sea salt

i did not have all those fancy extracts, so i just kept adding more vanilla until it tasted right. i did add a titch of maple extract, because i had some and i was feeling left behind.

1. melt chocolate in microwave/on stove.
2. put milk, nanas, cados, extracts and salt in food processor and blend until smooth
3. add the melted chocolate and process until smooth, scraping sides occasionally (here the recipe recommends only putting in 1/2 the chocolate, so that you can later swirl the remaining in to make threads of melted chocolate that will get crunchy as it cools---i like smooth mousse, so i just dumped it all in).
4. transfer to large bowl or individual serving dishes. chill before serving.
5. again, we just gobbled it up, but by the next day after being chilled over night, i could see how it could be a great frosting for cake. will try at some point.