Thursday, March 31, 2011
This Just Makes Me Happy
ok, so sometimes i read people.com. so sue me. it's disgusting and lame, etc, etc. i get all that. but THIS ARTICLE just made me happy in all kinds of different ways, and i wanted to share it. that she referred to her fertility issues as a "broken belly" is sweet and funny but speaks to the pain they have suffered. that she's been with her husband for almost 20 years despite the fact that hollywood hates marriage, that they now have a happy healthy baby, that they shared this victory and credit with a loving, giving surrogate couple...all of it. cool, cool, cool.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Random Thoughts and Happenings
we went to this vegetarian convention thing yesterday and i was standing in line waiting for some vegan pastry or other and i overheard the two women behind me saying, "look how huge she is! she HAS to be carrying more than one in there. and she hasn't even dropped yet, so she still has a while to go. oh my gosh, etc, etc." well, naturally, i assumed they were talking about my fat ass until i started looking around and saw this woman who had clearly confiscated a beach ball and tucked it up just under her chin. it was the most amazing pregnant belly i've ever encountered. there just had to be a litter in there. or she must be some 13-14 months along. so i said to the women, "oh, thank God. i thought you were talking about me!" and we all had a laugh about it. (what can be drawn from this: 1) i am too darned self-conscious, 2) that poor beach ball lady! maybe she'll at least get a reality show out of the deal)
have i mentioned that in my small department of surgical PA's, 5 out of 20 of us are pregnant right now? so as you can imagine, it's all we talk about. and it's getting a little old/has gotten/continues to get old. i keep trying to change the subject, but pregnancy symptoms, expectations, plans, baby merch, etc is all that everyone wants to discuss. so finally one of the poor bastard 15 other PA's put up a sign in one corner of the office that read "baby free zone: talking about babies will not be permitted in this area." God bless the sane ones.
but because of all this exposure to pregnant people, i have witnessed plenty of complications and have again concluded with immense relief that i am having a wonderful, stress free pregnancy. we've had so many people out on bed rest (eck) or pelvic rest (no sexin'...also eck) or exercise rest (that one i can do with ease) because of bleeding issues and placenta previa, infections, etc. not fun. and those are just the tip of the iceberg. so much can go awry, it's easy to conclude that it's a fluke when all goes well. i thank God every day that by all accounts this little bean in me has been growing and thriving in a happy, safe environment so far. thank You, thank You, thank You.
have i mentioned that in my small department of surgical PA's, 5 out of 20 of us are pregnant right now? so as you can imagine, it's all we talk about. and it's getting a little old/has gotten/continues to get old. i keep trying to change the subject, but pregnancy symptoms, expectations, plans, baby merch, etc is all that everyone wants to discuss. so finally one of the poor bastard 15 other PA's put up a sign in one corner of the office that read "baby free zone: talking about babies will not be permitted in this area." God bless the sane ones.
but because of all this exposure to pregnant people, i have witnessed plenty of complications and have again concluded with immense relief that i am having a wonderful, stress free pregnancy. we've had so many people out on bed rest (eck) or pelvic rest (no sexin'...also eck) or exercise rest (that one i can do with ease) because of bleeding issues and placenta previa, infections, etc. not fun. and those are just the tip of the iceberg. so much can go awry, it's easy to conclude that it's a fluke when all goes well. i thank God every day that by all accounts this little bean in me has been growing and thriving in a happy, safe environment so far. thank You, thank You, thank You.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Do Not Want to Give Birth in a Manger
i slept something like 25 hrs over the course of this weekend. which was wonderful and mostly peaceful. but, as with the entirety of this pregnancy, i often have weird, vivid dreams.
the other night, it was a nightmare. i had my first labor-associated dream and it was that i suspected my water had broke, so i went to, not my hospital of choice, but to this other downtown hospital, nearer to where i was at the time. and it was sketchy. i told the triage nurse what had happened and she made me wait. then i waited longer. then i went up and told her that i was a PA, thinking that might hold some currency. so she reluctantly put me into an exam room...but it was more like a horse stall prison cell with a rusted out basin/urinal thing in the middle (to do what with, i'm not entirely sure).
i waited and waited. i evidently had no cell phone with which to call my MD or my husband or anyone...but somehow eventually robb joined me and my family caught wind and showed up all happy and geeked with these baskets attached to weather balloons or something dropping out of the sky. baskets filled with flowers and candies and, i don't know, puppies or whatever. finally, after waiting some 9 hrs without anyone paying any attention to me, i concluded that i was not, in fact, in labor and that i should go home/follow up with my MD at my normal hospital. and i was so mad at myself for not being more proactive. and so skeezed out by the place and appalled that anyone would attempt to drop a baby (or foal, for that matter) in that environment.
weird, right? it bugged me all day.
and since then i've been plagued with the idea that i am close enough that i could actually start having occasional contractions, will soon be getting exams for changes in my cervix, etc, etc. this shit is real. that's what i'm saying.
and then, of course, there's always the nagging fear that bad things could still happen. i am still praying, hoping, begging, bargaining all the time that something someday makes it out of my womb alive. preferably this little wiggly bebe and around the first week of june.
so those are the dark thoughts swirling above my shoulders.
in happier news, we are having the main floor painted starting tomorrow and have moved all of the contents out of our former bedroom and former office in preparation to make the bedroom a nursery and the office our bedroom. (if you followed all that and are curious, now the office will be upstairs in the guest room). the house seems totally empty now and our dog is panicking, stalking us everywhere we go, i imagine thinking that we're moving and considering leaving her here. poor/dumb thing. it has been very refreshing to go through everything and purge what we don't need. and we're doing little things around the house that we've been wanting to get to for years, so it's been good.
and that baby up in thar has been doing cartwheels and headstands and all other manner of flips and flops the last few days. it's totally fun and the moves are getting bigger, more noticeable. i've even seen some from the outside. so cool. :)
the other night, it was a nightmare. i had my first labor-associated dream and it was that i suspected my water had broke, so i went to, not my hospital of choice, but to this other downtown hospital, nearer to where i was at the time. and it was sketchy. i told the triage nurse what had happened and she made me wait. then i waited longer. then i went up and told her that i was a PA, thinking that might hold some currency. so she reluctantly put me into an exam room...but it was more like a horse stall prison cell with a rusted out basin/urinal thing in the middle (to do what with, i'm not entirely sure).
i waited and waited. i evidently had no cell phone with which to call my MD or my husband or anyone...but somehow eventually robb joined me and my family caught wind and showed up all happy and geeked with these baskets attached to weather balloons or something dropping out of the sky. baskets filled with flowers and candies and, i don't know, puppies or whatever. finally, after waiting some 9 hrs without anyone paying any attention to me, i concluded that i was not, in fact, in labor and that i should go home/follow up with my MD at my normal hospital. and i was so mad at myself for not being more proactive. and so skeezed out by the place and appalled that anyone would attempt to drop a baby (or foal, for that matter) in that environment.
weird, right? it bugged me all day.
and since then i've been plagued with the idea that i am close enough that i could actually start having occasional contractions, will soon be getting exams for changes in my cervix, etc, etc. this shit is real. that's what i'm saying.
and then, of course, there's always the nagging fear that bad things could still happen. i am still praying, hoping, begging, bargaining all the time that something someday makes it out of my womb alive. preferably this little wiggly bebe and around the first week of june.
so those are the dark thoughts swirling above my shoulders.
in happier news, we are having the main floor painted starting tomorrow and have moved all of the contents out of our former bedroom and former office in preparation to make the bedroom a nursery and the office our bedroom. (if you followed all that and are curious, now the office will be upstairs in the guest room). the house seems totally empty now and our dog is panicking, stalking us everywhere we go, i imagine thinking that we're moving and considering leaving her here. poor/dumb thing. it has been very refreshing to go through everything and purge what we don't need. and we're doing little things around the house that we've been wanting to get to for years, so it's been good.
and that baby up in thar has been doing cartwheels and headstands and all other manner of flips and flops the last few days. it's totally fun and the moves are getting bigger, more noticeable. i've even seen some from the outside. so cool. :)
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Oh, The Thrills! Sarah Hit Two Bills!
costco cake commemorating my reaching (and exceeding, as any good overachiever would) 200lbs! had my ob appt yesterday and everything is grand- baby is healthy and growing, i am healthy and growing (clearly) and i am embracing these crazy changes of scale with peace of mind. mostly. :) my coworkers have been waiting for this day for months!
and now robb thinks as he loses and i continue to gain weight, we might meet somewhere in the middle before i deliver. might be worth putting down the cake and picking up the salad just to deny him the satisfaction....
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Movie Reviews
"Babies"...i can't recall if i've already blogged about this movie, but i'ma gonna repeat myself here if i did. it's cute. it's insightful. you should watch it. it follows families from san francisco, namibia (africa), mongolia, and tokyo during the first year of their newborn's life. fascinating the difference between cultures in every day care of the baby (how and how often they are held, how independent they are encouraged to be, what sort of supervision they have on them, how they are fed, etc) and the apparent satisfaction of the babies. too much stimulation (tons of toys, tv, music) was shown as frustrating to one baby in tokyo, while being left alone in the house, literally soft tied to the bed and playing with a roll of toilet paper was the happiest thing in the world to the mongolian baby. it appears that swaddling is a must. kids left to their own devices will climb rusty gates and get nibbled on my livestock, but they show no fear. they will also play in the slop bucket until caught by mom and disciplined. :) anyway, it was fun and i encourage a viewing. not really a documentary, as in the only points that were made were from the editing/our observations. but really fun. the only thing that disappointed me is that they don't show any of the birthing/labor practices. they're laboring for 3 seconds and then they cut to the baby already out. postpartum care isn't much covered either- except, in the case of the mongolian woman, they show her the next day hopping on the back of her husband's motorcycle with her 4 year old and day old baby and heading for home...
"The Business of Being Born"... ricki lake produced- is definitely a documentary with a thesis. which is: hospital births are bad because doctors are in charge and they are only interested in haste and covering their asses legally and not allowing births to proceed naturally or for women to overcome birthing issues by instinct and strength. most of the women interviewed had previous hospital births that didn't go well or they felt like they were pushed into certain interventions they hadn't wanted and are now seeking alternative options for a subsequent pregnancy. i really appreciated that the midwife they followed primarily through the film was a trained labor & delivery nurse with a masters in midwifery. she encouraged and supported natural home births, but also warned all her moms about the potential dangers they could face and discussed their backup plan should there be an emergency. she also went to her deliveries with oxygen, saline and iv stuff (including pitocin- the labor inducing drug they speak so negatively about), among other medical supplies. there was another wonderful midwife that worked out of an alternative birthing center. these are great examples of practitioners providing the safe and competent care their patients are seeking. however, i don't really think they represented caring, sacrificial, and compassionate ob/gyn's at all (they are out there!), but ah well. they were making a point. so it was an interesting documentary worth watching, but (like most documentaries) was quite one sided. oh, and you will see lots of naked boobs, including ricki lake's. you've been warned.
"The Business of Being Born"... ricki lake produced- is definitely a documentary with a thesis. which is: hospital births are bad because doctors are in charge and they are only interested in haste and covering their asses legally and not allowing births to proceed naturally or for women to overcome birthing issues by instinct and strength. most of the women interviewed had previous hospital births that didn't go well or they felt like they were pushed into certain interventions they hadn't wanted and are now seeking alternative options for a subsequent pregnancy. i really appreciated that the midwife they followed primarily through the film was a trained labor & delivery nurse with a masters in midwifery. she encouraged and supported natural home births, but also warned all her moms about the potential dangers they could face and discussed their backup plan should there be an emergency. she also went to her deliveries with oxygen, saline and iv stuff (including pitocin- the labor inducing drug they speak so negatively about), among other medical supplies. there was another wonderful midwife that worked out of an alternative birthing center. these are great examples of practitioners providing the safe and competent care their patients are seeking. however, i don't really think they represented caring, sacrificial, and compassionate ob/gyn's at all (they are out there!), but ah well. they were making a point. so it was an interesting documentary worth watching, but (like most documentaries) was quite one sided. oh, and you will see lots of naked boobs, including ricki lake's. you've been warned.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
A Pregnant Chick's Guide to Vegas
1. flying- to get there, i would say, if you can help it, do not fly Spirit Airlines (or, incidentally, Continental). the seats are wee tiny with no room to stretch or maneuver and there is no business/first class option so you can't even splurge for comfort. plus, you have to pay for every little thing, so no free snacky cakes or ginger ale to settle your stomach. buy it all before you board. apparently both Delta and Frontier are roomier, therefore mo' betta' for the larger ladies (and dudes, for that matter). DO highly recommend wearing compression stockings for the flight. prevents swelling in your ankles/feet, blood clots, and discomfort. i bought mine through insurance at a durable medical equipment store, requires a prescription. they are thigh highs but you can get them in knee high or belly high options, also. PLUS do get up and walk around and stretch when you can. sleep on the plane can be aided by Dramamine, Benadryl, Tylenol PM, etc. read packaging/check with MD before taking anything that might be anti-fetus.
2. the best casino bathrooms are at New York New York and Paris. the worst, Circus Circus. always use 'em when you got 'em because these casinos are ginormous places and you might be traveling a large distance between destinations.
3. depending on where you live, you're likely to experience a time change in Vegas. we were 3 hrs behind there where we are at home...so dinner reservations or showtime of 8pm is actually 11pm and you're likely to fall asleep in your soup or while watching "the lion king." sigh. it's just the way it is. i noticed that baby's usual big movement times were all out of wack, too, and i kept feeling like apologizing. :) i think he/she will get over it.
4. comfortable shoes! do it. stay hydrated! do it.
5. smoking is not banned in vegas, so depending on how worrisome you're being about second hand smoke, you might want to stay clear of the casino floors.
6. you know how people will buy and wear a cowboy hat when visiting texas? or, say, will get a sweatshirt with the canadian flag on it when visiting montreal? well, apparently girls visiting vegas think that the nevada state uniform is a whore outfit. the only thing actually covered on most of the tourists we saw was their calves and sometimes thighs from their tall hooker boots. otherwise, (most of) their lady parts bottom and top were covered (mostly) by a tube dress or short shorts and a halter top or something. and it was about 45 degrees at night. don't let them influence you. wear your comfy clothes and shoes and if you, like all the other lady tourists to vegas, feel a need to let the world know you're easy...i mean, you're pregnant. we all know you put out, right? :)
7. you can't booze it up and everyone around you is, so i recommend faking it with cranberry/lime juice cocktails in martini classes or virgin pina coladas. but there's tons to do in vegas that doesn't involved imbibing, so you shouldn't feel too left out.
8. food! lots of great options, 24 hrs/day. calories could add up fast, but we walked a lot, so i think we balanced it out pretty well.
9. best time to go there? about now (early spring). weather never got over 70-ish, so i was happy in a t-shirt most of the time. if you went in august, you're hating life regardless of who you are, but i'm thinking if you're pregnant, you're a puddle of you on the sidewalk or a whiny mess in the hotel room in front of the AC unit. best to avoid.
10. under-wire maternity/nursing bras are NOT COOL to go through the metal detector at the airport. it will go off and you will get molested by the friendly TSA officer. she might be perplexed by your compression stocking and belly band on your pants and you might have to explain that these are not harnesses for your weapons, but merely ways to accommodate your belly...which, by the way, is NOT a prosthetic piece meant to hide a WMD or something. and there's a good possibility your family will start making jokes about your baby being some mutant straight from x-men made of titanium or something. nice, right?...on second thought, don't be offended. that would be a great excuse for weight gain. :)
2. the best casino bathrooms are at New York New York and Paris. the worst, Circus Circus. always use 'em when you got 'em because these casinos are ginormous places and you might be traveling a large distance between destinations.
3. depending on where you live, you're likely to experience a time change in Vegas. we were 3 hrs behind there where we are at home...so dinner reservations or showtime of 8pm is actually 11pm and you're likely to fall asleep in your soup or while watching "the lion king." sigh. it's just the way it is. i noticed that baby's usual big movement times were all out of wack, too, and i kept feeling like apologizing. :) i think he/she will get over it.
4. comfortable shoes! do it. stay hydrated! do it.
5. smoking is not banned in vegas, so depending on how worrisome you're being about second hand smoke, you might want to stay clear of the casino floors.
6. you know how people will buy and wear a cowboy hat when visiting texas? or, say, will get a sweatshirt with the canadian flag on it when visiting montreal? well, apparently girls visiting vegas think that the nevada state uniform is a whore outfit. the only thing actually covered on most of the tourists we saw was their calves and sometimes thighs from their tall hooker boots. otherwise, (most of) their lady parts bottom and top were covered (mostly) by a tube dress or short shorts and a halter top or something. and it was about 45 degrees at night. don't let them influence you. wear your comfy clothes and shoes and if you, like all the other lady tourists to vegas, feel a need to let the world know you're easy...i mean, you're pregnant. we all know you put out, right? :)
7. you can't booze it up and everyone around you is, so i recommend faking it with cranberry/lime juice cocktails in martini classes or virgin pina coladas. but there's tons to do in vegas that doesn't involved imbibing, so you shouldn't feel too left out.
8. food! lots of great options, 24 hrs/day. calories could add up fast, but we walked a lot, so i think we balanced it out pretty well.
9. best time to go there? about now (early spring). weather never got over 70-ish, so i was happy in a t-shirt most of the time. if you went in august, you're hating life regardless of who you are, but i'm thinking if you're pregnant, you're a puddle of you on the sidewalk or a whiny mess in the hotel room in front of the AC unit. best to avoid.
10. under-wire maternity/nursing bras are NOT COOL to go through the metal detector at the airport. it will go off and you will get molested by the friendly TSA officer. she might be perplexed by your compression stocking and belly band on your pants and you might have to explain that these are not harnesses for your weapons, but merely ways to accommodate your belly...which, by the way, is NOT a prosthetic piece meant to hide a WMD or something. and there's a good possibility your family will start making jokes about your baby being some mutant straight from x-men made of titanium or something. nice, right?...on second thought, don't be offended. that would be a great excuse for weight gain. :)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Third Trimester! I'm Going to Vegas!
we are officially in our third (out of 3) trimester of pregnancy, meaning that we have a mere 3 months left until bun and oven separate.
so now's the time to start panicking about how to get the bun out, right? not really. i'm feeling very calm about it. excited for the adventure, actually. and i have what is, really, both a luxury and a curse, having witnessed vaginal and surgical births as a PA and a student. on the plus side, i know a thing or two (but no more than that) and am definitely able to ask informed questions and be my own advocate, assisting the health team in making decisions about my birth. on the down side, i've seen awful things happen during the birth process and i know the risks at hand. that, and i know that long-term childbirth (and pregnancy) do mean, mean things to a woman's body (bladder prolapse, anyone? how about a little rectus muscle diastasis? painful adhesions? hmmm? anyone? no?).
but i'm still feeling very calm about hatching- vaginally or c-section. either way, i'm cool. we'll deal. i just want to get my kid out as quickly and healthily as possible.
there's a lot of emphasis on the birth plan and on choosing the right setting and caregiver and methods of intervention...home birth with midwife? hospital birth at natural birthing center with midwife? hospital birth with ob/gyn? in the taxi on the way to the hospital with the cabbie? there are a lot of options. and THEN, what kind of/if any pain control do you plan to use? what about hastening the birth process if things aren't moving along? what about in the event that the baby is mispositioned or in crisis? what to do in all circumstances one might face. and do you squeeze it out to classical music? are there candles involved? fetal monitors? warm baths? squatting on a birthing block or legs up in stirrups? who's there with you? just your spouse? your kids? a doula, acting as a support and advocate? your parents? his parents? the neighbor down the hall's parents? will there be photography involved? videography? ah, the list goes on.
women should do it whatever way they damn well please. we are totally built to do this, so we can 'do this' in lots of different ways. it's awesome to have options. and it's very personal- we shouldn't have to justify our choices to anyone. it's not bonkers to do a home birth, it's also not a crying shame to have a hospital birth. both are valid options. just do your research before hand and choose the one that makes the most sense to you. make sure you know how things will go down if it's the sweetest most simple birth on the planet or if, instead, it turns out to be a total goat rodeo. does your plan cover both conditions?
my perspective? it's not my birth. i've had my birth. it went great. i'm healthy and well and my mom (my own personal hatcher) is healthy and well following said birth. this birth is my baby's birth. and what do i owe him/her? safety and flexibility. so for me, that means hospital birth where all emergency resources are just down the hall and the baby is monitored up the wazoo (mine) to catch any issues that might need to be addressed. other than that, i'm cool with any methods to make the process as efficient and comfortable as possible. am i willing to crouch on all fours to get the baby out? stand on my head? be cut open? of course to all. safety and flexibility.
and about the pain? there will be pain. anyone who doesn't think there will be should probably have re-taken sex ed in middle school, maybe gotten an after school tutor. i mean, big head, small vajuna opening. doesn't take much math. for me, i see no clinically justified reason for the "right of passage" of enduring the whole whopping amount of pain that comes with birthing. i am willing to treat my pain for things like headaches and wisdom teeth extractions, so why wouldn't i for birthing pain? but again, that's just me. i'll roll over now if they want to put the epidural in tonight while i lie here on my couch. but to each her own.
i watched the ricki lake produced documentary "the business of being born" last night and found it interesting. i have already babbled too much in this post, but i will share my thoughts on the film as soon as i can.
oh, and i really am going to vegas tomorrow! with my whole family for my seester's graduation trip. i couldn't be more excited. to have time with my people. to get away from work. to eat awesome food. to be in warm sunshine. to see some great shows. fun times. i will post pics as we go.
smooches!
so now's the time to start panicking about how to get the bun out, right? not really. i'm feeling very calm about it. excited for the adventure, actually. and i have what is, really, both a luxury and a curse, having witnessed vaginal and surgical births as a PA and a student. on the plus side, i know a thing or two (but no more than that) and am definitely able to ask informed questions and be my own advocate, assisting the health team in making decisions about my birth. on the down side, i've seen awful things happen during the birth process and i know the risks at hand. that, and i know that long-term childbirth (and pregnancy) do mean, mean things to a woman's body (bladder prolapse, anyone? how about a little rectus muscle diastasis? painful adhesions? hmmm? anyone? no?).
but i'm still feeling very calm about hatching- vaginally or c-section. either way, i'm cool. we'll deal. i just want to get my kid out as quickly and healthily as possible.
there's a lot of emphasis on the birth plan and on choosing the right setting and caregiver and methods of intervention...home birth with midwife? hospital birth at natural birthing center with midwife? hospital birth with ob/gyn? in the taxi on the way to the hospital with the cabbie? there are a lot of options. and THEN, what kind of/if any pain control do you plan to use? what about hastening the birth process if things aren't moving along? what about in the event that the baby is mispositioned or in crisis? what to do in all circumstances one might face. and do you squeeze it out to classical music? are there candles involved? fetal monitors? warm baths? squatting on a birthing block or legs up in stirrups? who's there with you? just your spouse? your kids? a doula, acting as a support and advocate? your parents? his parents? the neighbor down the hall's parents? will there be photography involved? videography? ah, the list goes on.
women should do it whatever way they damn well please. we are totally built to do this, so we can 'do this' in lots of different ways. it's awesome to have options. and it's very personal- we shouldn't have to justify our choices to anyone. it's not bonkers to do a home birth, it's also not a crying shame to have a hospital birth. both are valid options. just do your research before hand and choose the one that makes the most sense to you. make sure you know how things will go down if it's the sweetest most simple birth on the planet or if, instead, it turns out to be a total goat rodeo. does your plan cover both conditions?
my perspective? it's not my birth. i've had my birth. it went great. i'm healthy and well and my mom (my own personal hatcher) is healthy and well following said birth. this birth is my baby's birth. and what do i owe him/her? safety and flexibility. so for me, that means hospital birth where all emergency resources are just down the hall and the baby is monitored up the wazoo (mine) to catch any issues that might need to be addressed. other than that, i'm cool with any methods to make the process as efficient and comfortable as possible. am i willing to crouch on all fours to get the baby out? stand on my head? be cut open? of course to all. safety and flexibility.
and about the pain? there will be pain. anyone who doesn't think there will be should probably have re-taken sex ed in middle school, maybe gotten an after school tutor. i mean, big head, small vajuna opening. doesn't take much math. for me, i see no clinically justified reason for the "right of passage" of enduring the whole whopping amount of pain that comes with birthing. i am willing to treat my pain for things like headaches and wisdom teeth extractions, so why wouldn't i for birthing pain? but again, that's just me. i'll roll over now if they want to put the epidural in tonight while i lie here on my couch. but to each her own.
i watched the ricki lake produced documentary "the business of being born" last night and found it interesting. i have already babbled too much in this post, but i will share my thoughts on the film as soon as i can.
oh, and i really am going to vegas tomorrow! with my whole family for my seester's graduation trip. i couldn't be more excited. to have time with my people. to get away from work. to eat awesome food. to be in warm sunshine. to see some great shows. fun times. i will post pics as we go.
smooches!
Monday, March 14, 2011
Thankful for Adversity, Thankful for Fat Cheeks
i got to spend all of yesterday cuddling on babies. the first, an almost 3 month old tiny female blessing with now frequent smiles lighting up the room and little round cheeks you just can't not touch. and then a 2 1/2 year old with even ROUNDER and more fluffy cheeks poking out around his menacing little smile. and it really is menacing. that's the difference between these two cherubic faces. she's still fresh and tiny and innocent and sweet, he, on the other hand is a 2 year old and therefore, the smile he gives you usually immediately precedes a flat out refusal to put on pants or a launch through the air off the couch and onto the cat. endearing and hilarious when you're not the parent, angsty and frustrating when you are.
but i digress. i just wanted to brag about the awesome kids i got to hang out with yesterday.
we're not there yet. back to the subject at hand. today i am feeling THANKFUL for the losses and fertility struggles because i can proudly say that i am one easy going pregnant chick (most of the time). i don't whine much, i don't complain about the (inevitable and normal) aches and pains and weight changes that come with being pregnant. i don't flip out about every little twinge and change. i know i can endure, have endured.
and, for the most part, i have really been enjoying it. i might eat these words, as i understand that i am in the glowy, easy part of pregnancy right now...but i think i'm managing alright.
and i am really excited to meet for keeps my own little chubby cheeked bebe extraordinaire. so curious about look and temperament. so excited to have this little mirage sitting on my lap.
but i digress. i just wanted to brag about the awesome kids i got to hang out with yesterday.
we're not there yet. back to the subject at hand. today i am feeling THANKFUL for the losses and fertility struggles because i can proudly say that i am one easy going pregnant chick (most of the time). i don't whine much, i don't complain about the (inevitable and normal) aches and pains and weight changes that come with being pregnant. i don't flip out about every little twinge and change. i know i can endure, have endured.
and, for the most part, i have really been enjoying it. i might eat these words, as i understand that i am in the glowy, easy part of pregnancy right now...but i think i'm managing alright.
and i am really excited to meet for keeps my own little chubby cheeked bebe extraordinaire. so curious about look and temperament. so excited to have this little mirage sitting on my lap.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Let's Do It All, Since This is Our One Shot
i've said a lot during this pregnancy that this will be my last. win or lose, this is it for me and knocked-up-ed-ness.
so we may as well experience all parts of it. i'm taking any additional tests that i'm offered/required to take with enthusiasm, so that i don't miss any part of the total pregnancy experience (also, it gives me first hand knowledge to share with patients in the future).
i also scheduled us to tour the labor & delivery units at the hospital (even though i've been there from the white coat side of things) and to take a month of birthing classes. we'll learn some stuff, i'm sure, and it might be fun/make for some good stories.
finally, after saying for months that no matter what the conclusion of this pregnancy brings, this is my last go of it...robb asked me if i meant it.
and i do. i feel incredibly blessed to have this chance at growing life, especially after what we went through to get to this point. this is the coolest thing ever. feeling movement inside me, knowing that it's this tiny thriving, developing being dependent on me is really neat and endearing.
but it seems indulgent to 'temp the fates' and do it again. i don't want to elect to potentially survive another miscarriage. i don't want to have to take the drugs and count the pee and jump through the other fertility hoops.
the hassle and the risk seemed worth it this time to get to have the experience of pregnancy once and get to meet our first child through this route. but i do not want to go through that again. mentally, physically...too much. no more. this has been a rough couple of years, and i think i'm done with this part of myself.
it's not just that trying to conceive again feels like pushing our luck, it's also that bringing new life into the world at all has always seemed like a bit of an indulgence since there are so many kids out there who need homes.
so....hark! just because i don't plan to get pregnant again does not mean that we won't have more kids! we very much want to adopt some day. we even kind of sort of have a game plan for some time in the future. the cost is great and it certainly comes with its own potentials for heartbreak and frustration, but it can be an amazing thing. and i want to experience that someday, too.
so that's what we've been talking/thinking about in our household lately. on top of all the minutia for this here current baby we're working on and fixing up the house in preparation.
and, because i assume this will be my one and only full pregnancy, i'm enjoying the hell out of it. i come home every afternoon from work and curl up in bed in the position the baby is partial to and "spend some time with it" loving all the kicks and movements, singing to it, etc. it's very wonderful.
**all that being said, do not think me naive, dear readers. i know that minds are changed and years pass, bringing healing and changes of heart. i know that life happens and we cannot predict the future. therefore, we are not planning on severing mine or robb's tubes or removing my uterus or any other such permanent contraceptive changes. we also acknowledge that there's a chance further children will never happen. we're ok with that, too. 3 might be our magic number. time will tell.
so that is where we are today.
so we may as well experience all parts of it. i'm taking any additional tests that i'm offered/required to take with enthusiasm, so that i don't miss any part of the total pregnancy experience (also, it gives me first hand knowledge to share with patients in the future).
i also scheduled us to tour the labor & delivery units at the hospital (even though i've been there from the white coat side of things) and to take a month of birthing classes. we'll learn some stuff, i'm sure, and it might be fun/make for some good stories.
finally, after saying for months that no matter what the conclusion of this pregnancy brings, this is my last go of it...robb asked me if i meant it.
and i do. i feel incredibly blessed to have this chance at growing life, especially after what we went through to get to this point. this is the coolest thing ever. feeling movement inside me, knowing that it's this tiny thriving, developing being dependent on me is really neat and endearing.
but it seems indulgent to 'temp the fates' and do it again. i don't want to elect to potentially survive another miscarriage. i don't want to have to take the drugs and count the pee and jump through the other fertility hoops.
the hassle and the risk seemed worth it this time to get to have the experience of pregnancy once and get to meet our first child through this route. but i do not want to go through that again. mentally, physically...too much. no more. this has been a rough couple of years, and i think i'm done with this part of myself.
it's not just that trying to conceive again feels like pushing our luck, it's also that bringing new life into the world at all has always seemed like a bit of an indulgence since there are so many kids out there who need homes.
so....hark! just because i don't plan to get pregnant again does not mean that we won't have more kids! we very much want to adopt some day. we even kind of sort of have a game plan for some time in the future. the cost is great and it certainly comes with its own potentials for heartbreak and frustration, but it can be an amazing thing. and i want to experience that someday, too.
so that's what we've been talking/thinking about in our household lately. on top of all the minutia for this here current baby we're working on and fixing up the house in preparation.
and, because i assume this will be my one and only full pregnancy, i'm enjoying the hell out of it. i come home every afternoon from work and curl up in bed in the position the baby is partial to and "spend some time with it" loving all the kicks and movements, singing to it, etc. it's very wonderful.
**all that being said, do not think me naive, dear readers. i know that minds are changed and years pass, bringing healing and changes of heart. i know that life happens and we cannot predict the future. therefore, we are not planning on severing mine or robb's tubes or removing my uterus or any other such permanent contraceptive changes. we also acknowledge that there's a chance further children will never happen. we're ok with that, too. 3 might be our magic number. time will tell.
so that is where we are today.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
How Could One New Human Require So Much New Stuff?
saturday was our big day out registering for baby stuff. we both braced ourselves for a long day and lots of debates (robb=hippie, me=cheap)...but we actually fared extremely well.
since we're also making a lot of changes to the house right now, we started the day at ikea (if you haven't been, it's like 3 warehouses pushed together with a food court and entire homes worth of stuff arranged in all its european splendor. it's awesome and reasonably priced, but there's a hella lot of it and it can be overwhelming and super crowded sometimes). we just went for new flooring for our kitchen. and since we got there when it first opened, and there was nary a soul around, we got in and out pretty quick. we also bought cinnamon rolls for $1. so that helped. :)
then we went to buybuy baby. and it was awesome! the customer service was wonderful. i think maybe i expected them all to be weird or something, so i was pleasantly surprised that the registry girl was cute and fun and normal. we apparently looked sufficiently shell shocked because she walkie talkied to all the employees in the store that we were a harmless, helpless couple with a lot of questions...so we got a lot of attention. they were all extremely helpful, but not pushy at all (maybe with the exception of the lady who could ALMOST hide her contempt at us wanting glass instead of plastic bottles...almost). we marched through the whole store, facing off gently and lovingly about which car seat is less likely to implode in a fender bender, which bottle nipples look and act the most like real live human teet, and just how much involvement we want to have with our baby's poop (cloth or disposable diapers).
at one point after picking out changing table pads and mattresses and paddy mattresses (evidently you need them all or you hate your baby), we took a long re-group in the comfy rocking arm chairs. there, we discussed the pros and cons of strollers designed for jogging or merely power walking. we also debated just how many monkeys are too many monkeys hanging around the nursery and the merits of baby gates and cages.
our baby shower guests are probably going to go ahead and buy whatever cutesy shmoopsy outfits they want to see on our baby, but we're hopeful they'll (instead or also) buy the functional, necessary things that are actually on the registry. we'll see.
for the stuff that BBB didn't carry but we heard we definitely do want, we also made a "wish list" at amazon.com. that was pretty cool, because i was able to register for dr. seuss books and all the disney and pixar movies that my collection is missing (tra-la!). i'm hoping to stock up on the necessary movies that got me and my sisters through childhood, plus the new classics that have come out since i was a wee one.
and between my visit to the hospital last week for my 3 hr blood glucose test and our foraging at buybuy baby, i've had lots of opportunities to compare my pregnant body with other womenfolk's pregnant bodies and i've decided...that even though i FEEL like i look like one of those clay fertility dolls (all knockers and belly, no head), i think i stack up pretty normal-like with the other pregos. so that's good.
since we're also making a lot of changes to the house right now, we started the day at ikea (if you haven't been, it's like 3 warehouses pushed together with a food court and entire homes worth of stuff arranged in all its european splendor. it's awesome and reasonably priced, but there's a hella lot of it and it can be overwhelming and super crowded sometimes). we just went for new flooring for our kitchen. and since we got there when it first opened, and there was nary a soul around, we got in and out pretty quick. we also bought cinnamon rolls for $1. so that helped. :)
then we went to buybuy baby. and it was awesome! the customer service was wonderful. i think maybe i expected them all to be weird or something, so i was pleasantly surprised that the registry girl was cute and fun and normal. we apparently looked sufficiently shell shocked because she walkie talkied to all the employees in the store that we were a harmless, helpless couple with a lot of questions...so we got a lot of attention. they were all extremely helpful, but not pushy at all (maybe with the exception of the lady who could ALMOST hide her contempt at us wanting glass instead of plastic bottles...almost). we marched through the whole store, facing off gently and lovingly about which car seat is less likely to implode in a fender bender, which bottle nipples look and act the most like real live human teet, and just how much involvement we want to have with our baby's poop (cloth or disposable diapers).
at one point after picking out changing table pads and mattresses and paddy mattresses (evidently you need them all or you hate your baby), we took a long re-group in the comfy rocking arm chairs. there, we discussed the pros and cons of strollers designed for jogging or merely power walking. we also debated just how many monkeys are too many monkeys hanging around the nursery and the merits of baby gates and cages.
our baby shower guests are probably going to go ahead and buy whatever cutesy shmoopsy outfits they want to see on our baby, but we're hopeful they'll (instead or also) buy the functional, necessary things that are actually on the registry. we'll see.
for the stuff that BBB didn't carry but we heard we definitely do want, we also made a "wish list" at amazon.com. that was pretty cool, because i was able to register for dr. seuss books and all the disney and pixar movies that my collection is missing (tra-la!). i'm hoping to stock up on the necessary movies that got me and my sisters through childhood, plus the new classics that have come out since i was a wee one.
and between my visit to the hospital last week for my 3 hr blood glucose test and our foraging at buybuy baby, i've had lots of opportunities to compare my pregnant body with other womenfolk's pregnant bodies and i've decided...that even though i FEEL like i look like one of those clay fertility dolls (all knockers and belly, no head), i think i stack up pretty normal-like with the other pregos. so that's good.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Turns Out I'm Not as Sweet As They Say I Am
i passed my 3 hr glucose tolerance test!! meaning that i do NOT have gestational diabetes and do NOT have to start taking insulin. so that's a big relief.
it also means i can go back to eating girl scout cookies for breakfast, right?
no, ma'am. i am trying to be good. i'd like to keep my continued weight gain to a happy minimal if i might. meaning i'd like to start walking more and being more active in general now that it's sunny and warm-ish outside and i am less inclined to slip and fall.
plus. i'm trying to convince myself that healthy, natural fruits and veggies are enough to quench my sweet cravings. i say things like, "self, you know baby would prefer an orange right now to breaking into that unopened frozen box of somoas." which we ALL know is a total lie, since baby starts happy dancing at the mirror mention of chocolate and could give two hoots about citrus.
but we shall try. :)
i've started registering this week (eck) and doing research on all products big and small that might help or maim by child. there is a huge world of baby products out there. i'm trying really hard not to get sucked into the vortex, but ooh, doggy, it's a strong force. someone hold the rope tied to my ankle, k?
it also means i can go back to eating girl scout cookies for breakfast, right?
no, ma'am. i am trying to be good. i'd like to keep my continued weight gain to a happy minimal if i might. meaning i'd like to start walking more and being more active in general now that it's sunny and warm-ish outside and i am less inclined to slip and fall.
plus. i'm trying to convince myself that healthy, natural fruits and veggies are enough to quench my sweet cravings. i say things like, "self, you know baby would prefer an orange right now to breaking into that unopened frozen box of somoas." which we ALL know is a total lie, since baby starts happy dancing at the mirror mention of chocolate and could give two hoots about citrus.
but we shall try. :)
i've started registering this week (eck) and doing research on all products big and small that might help or maim by child. there is a huge world of baby products out there. i'm trying really hard not to get sucked into the vortex, but ooh, doggy, it's a strong force. someone hold the rope tied to my ankle, k?
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