Front Row Seat to the Goat Rodeo

well, i've had two small people under my care at home a few weeks now, but i've had such great help from my mom that i've barely been alone with them.

one of the days i was home alone with them last week, henry looked at me and said, "mommy, you don't belong here." (oh, really, where do i belong, love?) "you belong at work."

i was a bit taken aback and was trying to talk myself into feeling some sort of bad about it, but then i realized i was only put out because he'd noticed. he's totally correct!

it's way easier at work. and the people are taller and yell so much less.

i'm keeping henry home right now to avoid the daycare germs getting into the house, but in truth, he belongs there, too. he learns so much there- numbers, letters, days of the week, how to share, how to take turns...here he is just working on using the remote control and how to mix the perfect gin and tonic. (i kid. sort of).

i think we have a good routine of living semi-independent lives during the weeks and then loving the snot out of each other on the nights and weekends.

but now it's all blended and days become nights and nights become jokes and it's all higgledy-piggledy.

but we're slowly getting the hang of it.

in my brief time home, i have grown an appreciation for stay-at-home parents that i SHOULD have already, but never entirely, did, have. i've always been impressed by my friends and family who stay home because it's obvious that it's SO MUCH HARDER at home than it is at work. but it now seems miraculous that one adult person could manage more than one child person sanely at a time.

i'll admit to having been a mom-asshole in my head a few times when my stay-at-home mom friends have complained about mondays. because it seems like, on paper, monday should be a lot like any other day if you don't work outside the home. you get to stay home and you don't have to get up and go to work...but now i realize, on mondays, when i'm working, i GET to get up and go to work. and on mondays when i'm home, robb GETS to get up and go to work and i'm left home alone with the crazy people.

so, sorry, to my friends out there who brave the crazy people every day by themselves. salute.

but, srsly, all in all, things are going well, i'd say. henry is pushing back a little and trying to skip naps and be a little sassy, but he's coming around. and anna is pretty sweet and mellow so far.

it's fun. like goat rodeos are fun.

:)

Anna Made all the OB Staff Banana(s) But Finally Made It Out Into the World; Here's My Crazy Long Explanation How

anna is 6 days old. she is sweet and strong and can really hold her own. (may she always stay that way). she has a perfect little round head that she lifts up like a boss on her own on that scrawny chicken neck. she has a good cry, and she uses it now and then, but mostly she just happily snuggles, eats like a champ, and sleeps pretty well. she accepts henry's smooches and elaborate 'loving' wrestling holds fairly graciously. she has really intense, pretty eyes and cheeks galore. she's awesome. she was worth all the fuss.

The Fuss (the birth)-

two things i've learned from this. 1) i think our expectations of something entirely effect how we approach it and how we survive or don't survive it. and 2) it's good to expect the best but be prepared for everything else.

i went into this birth thinking it would be a) early and b) easy. i'd been told to expect those things by a number of people over the course of my pregnancy, since "this is your second" and "your body knows what to do." also, my epidural had worked like a dreamy chocolate sundae disney prince fairy tale Christmas morning with henry, so i expected much of the same this round.

i expected to go into labor every second of every day for two weeks leading up to my due date. so 2 days before i was due, when it hadn't happened yet, i was feeling very sorry for myself and pretty much gave up on it ever happening. i watched the golden globes, stayed up until midnight and fully expected to have to wake up to go to work in the morning. but about 20 minutes after i went to bed, my water broke, with gusto, besmirching my mattress.

so we gathered our forces to watch henry (thanks, forces!) and robb and i went into the hospital. we got there about 2am. she was born at 5:11pm. the actual hatching went very smoothly indeed, but the 15 hours between arrival and ARRIVAL were a rather uncomfortable, nerve-racking 15 hours.




the long and short of it is that labor progressed really slowly. every time they checked me, despite pretty frequent, strong contractions, i had barely made any cervical changes. it was maddening. in time pitocin was started to try to move things along. but then it was stopped. but then it was restarted. but then it was stopped. this cautious induction was because anna's fetal heart tones (the fluctuation in her heart rate in response to contractions) were less than ideal and they were watching really closely.

her rate kept dipping when it wasn't supposed to, often an indicator that there is pressure on the umbilical cord and subsequent oxygen deprivation to the baby. it was not to the point where they were terribly concerned for her safety, but just to where they were monitoring her extremely closely (even adding a heart rate monitor that goes directly onto her scalp through my cervix) and attempting all sorts of maneuvers to correct the pressure issue. these included me changing sides often and getting on my hands and knees a lot (a feat, when your'e talking about hefting my substantial weight around while my legs didn't work from the epidural). it also included running saline directly into my uterus to try to give her head and the cord a little cushion so that there was less pressure on the cord when contractions occurred.

so, just imagine how many wires and tubes i had running out of my lady business. it looked like the wall side of an entertainment center. and when i was wobbling on my hands and knees like a newborn foal, with my bare ass out for all the world to see, well, that was super fun, too. especially considering that i used to work there and some of the staff are people i've worked with professionally.

ah, well. they probably still couldn't pick my junk out of a lineup.

anyway. so we tried everything. many times. it was actually really reassuring to me that the staff was so dedicated to helping me have a vaginal birth instead of a c-section. they followed the algorithm for 'non-reassuring heart tones' and did everything EVERYTHING they could to make it happen. but they were ready. i learned after i'd delivered that the c-section operating room was all set up with instruments and staff on the ready and the drugs drawn up and ready to go. i feel good about that. anna was going to be safe, no matter what.

there's a lot in the news about our country's high c-section rates and i know from within the community that reducing the rate and having practitioners follow a standardized series of more conservative options before moving to a c-section is considered a big action item from the american congress of ob/gyn's. but still, anecdotally, it seems that "everyone we know" had to have a c-section.

while anna's and my safety were absolutely the #1 priority and acknowledging that it's kind of an art to interpret how heart rate might be indicating any/amount of oxygen loss and the severe consequences it can have- it thrills me that it worked out this way. she's perfect and we were safely watched but aggressively managed into a vaginal birth.

(not that c-sections are even remotely the end of the world- it's just that, my theory is- you either wreck your vagina or your abdomen- if it can be helped, you don't dynamite them both over the course of your births).

meanwhile, all the while, my pain was rather....there. early in the process i'd tried to stay away from the epidural so as not to impede any progress. but it became clear eventually that no matter how much pain i was allowing myself to spar with, progress wasn't being made anyway, so i got the epidural around 9:30am, i think. and it didn't exactly work. i felt most of my contractions throughout the day, at least in part. we tried repositioning the epidural catheter and we tried adding more good juice, but it just never really happened properly. not like i'd remembered with henry's birth (CUDDLY WARM WOMB SWEATER).

and i've been reflecting since then about whether or not i'm a terrible wuss and i've decided that i'm an average wuss. i think i fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum when it comes to pain tolerance. like, i wouldn't play on a broken ankle, but i never took time off of school for period cramps. i give a lot of credit to the billions of war heroes who have had babies without the aid of pain relieving drugs, i just don't wanna. and again, it's all about expectations. and my expectations were so high after the golden epidural i got for henry, that i was not prepared for as much pain as i did feel this time.

so the afternoon wore on and i started getting anxious messages from family and friends who knew i'd come in the night before. finally sometime mid-afternoon i was still only dilated to 4cm and the pain was making me nuts, so i had them put in a new epidural.

and it WORKED IMMEDIATELY AND AWESOMELY.

and i doubt these two things are related, but the next time they checked me. i was fully effaced and dilated to 10cm and ready to push. bam.

and even though i could, literally, feel almost no pressure or pain during the entire delivery (which is a VERY good thing, in my book)-  i was able to push with force! and i think it only took, maybe 15 minutes to push her out.

sometime during the delivery when i was cracking jokes or singing songs or mouth-kissing my anesthesiologist, the doctor asked if i wanted to deliver my baby. i paused, thinking, 'isn't that what we're up to now? i mean, what else do you think is going to come out?' but then i realized he meant DELIVER it myself. so i did. when her head and a shoulder were out, i reached down and pulled the rest of her out and onto my chest. and saw that she was a she! (which henry totally called, months ago. i owe him $5).

and she was/is perfect. after all that anxiety, apgars of 9 and 9. weighed in at 8 lbs even and 21" long...(which, apparently, is exactly my birth measurements. i wonder how often that happens).



so it was a long day, but because the actual delivery went so incredibly smoothly, and because i only tore a tiny little wee bit, i'm rebounding SO much faster this time. i feel like a million bucks compared to how i felt after henry's delivery.

ok. i think that's everything. i got great care and i'm so happy with how everything worked out. i'll share more soon about how henry and anna are already teaming up to get us. but for now, i'm tired of all my yammering and i'm sure y'all gave up on my tale ages ago anyway. :)

smooches!

There Are Certain Things I Remember from Last Time That Are Making This Round Easier

we are ECSTATIC to say that we now have a beautiful "anna" living in our house!!! i've got all sorts of pics and birth stories and all kinds of stuff for you, but i wanted to get this out first.

i've been thinking about all the friends i have out there who are about due with their first babies, and i wanted to provide a list of things i'm reminded of now that i WISH i'd been told before my first time around. knowing them now now with my second one is making this transition way easier.

1. you're still gonna look 6 months pregnant after you deliver. your uterus is full of blood and your abdomen will be all squishy and boggy for a while your skin is all stretched out. those things are on their way to changing, but for A WHILE you'll still look like you're expecting. try not to punch people if they ask you when that's happening. or, you know what, go ahead and punch them. it might help with the crabbiness you're probably feeling.

2. you'll be crabby. hormones and stress and lack of sleep will do that. just ride it out. it doesn't mean you love your tiny any less. it doesn't make you a bad person. it doesn't take away from the joy you're feeling. it just is.

3. you're going to bleed a lot for a long time. your blood volume went up way high to support your pregnancy and now that you don't need all that extra blood, it's gotta go. don't be alarmed.  but do be prepared.

4. your vagina will most likely look and feel like a war zone. it'll be tender. baby it with the products they give you and be ginger in what you do/how much you walk around/how much you lift, etc. certainly don't put anything in it until you've been cleared by your MD. and maybe then some.

5. your boobs will get crazy huge. like national geographic crazy huge. like they will reach down and touch your giant big boggy abdomen and you'll look like an ancient clay fertility goddess talisman found by indiana jones or something.

6. and speaking of boobs- when you nurse, you will cramp. and they'll be pretty reminiscent of those contractions you just got yourself out of.  :( but it won't last forever! and it's all about shrinking that uterus down to normal size and purging that blood, which is good. but again, don't be alarmed. when your tiny latches down on your nipple, oxytocin is released and causes the contraction. that's what you're feeling.  take the prescribed drugs. it will pass.

7. your baby's gonna cry. a lot. and it's NOT YOU. you're doing nothing wrong. it's just the way it is. and the baby will be fine, despite the crying. nothing is broken. (incidentally, to reduce the crying, i live and die by 'happiest baby on the block'  and the 5 S's).

8. you're going to resent all the critters who live in your house. especially the big dumb one. animals will go from being your shmoopsy-boopsy babies to whiny, filthy inconveniences pretty quickly. and other children, in my very limited experience, seem LOUDER and messier than they did just a few days ago. still awesome and wonderful, just MORE of it. but you'll pretty much straight up despise your husband. or at least i have after both of my births. you swear he used to be a smart guy, but now he asks the dumbest questions and doesn't think to help in the simplest ways and you're just pretty sure when you're allowed to drive again you're going to have to run him over with your car. (this won't last forever either. eventually he'll go back to being smart and useful. coincidentally, right around the time your hormones are back under control).

9. drinking is as great as you remember. BUT you have to be really sneaky with it if you're breast feeding. the whole math equation for alcohol and nursing is pretty complex stuff. you know you really want the tequila you've been missing but you also don't want to be the one who gave her newborn a hangover at 3 days old.

10. am i nuts that despite all that, this is, like, the greatest thing EVER? babies are overwhelmingly appealing little creatures and your heart is going to blow up about 10 times a day with the magnitude of the feelings you're having for this tiny new thing you brought home. it's good. it's real good.

OK. I'll Need Some Big Grilling Tongs, Some Hot Towels, and a Whole Lot of Whiskey

i'm feeling a lot of nerves this time. or maybe it's just more antici...

...pation.

my belly has dropped some and i've been feeling kind of nauseous, exhausted and a little...squishy. i keep thinking they're signs, but then nothing else happens.

i kind of just want to go into labor and get it done with so i don't have to keep wondering all kinds of things like, 'is it now? does that feeling mean something? will we be able to get someone here in time to watch henry in this 'snow-clever-monster-movie-title-portmanteau' storm? will we get stuck in a snowbank and robb will have to deliver me in the backseat? it's just a honda accord- is that big enough? would be ever be able to recover psychologically from that? and could i ever get mad at him again for not cleaning the kitchen floors if he helped me through childbirth? and how does after-birth come off of leather? is there enough food in the house for whomever ends up here with henry? if i DO make it to the hospital on time, if the power goes out- do they consider epidural machines essential enough to run them off generators? :) '

is nursing as time-consuming as i remember? will my giant tats dwarf this tiny child? will it be in danger of suffocation? that they were bigger last time and that henry survived them is a good sign, right?

i'm also really anxious at this point to find out if its a male child or female child dancing on my organs. i just want to start picturing what life will be like with two, and i think having an identity to the new one will help with that.

so whatever happens with the baby this week, it's already a weird one since we're buried in snow. henry's daycare is closed tomorrow, so i'll be staying home with him for a SNOW DAY!! we'll probably do less building snow forts and more of the same that we did all weekend. sleep. make some food. eat it. sleep some more. watch a movie while eating. sleep. repeat. we've gone into total hibernation mode over here and it's been pretty great.

and, although i still have anxieties about besmirching my honda with birthing juices, i've put into place backup plans for my backup plans in getting henry cared for and getting me to the hospital and such. all will be well. i mean, shoot, people have babies during hurricanes and floods and stuff, right? worse case scenario, i have a bathtub and i'm sure i can find a purse strap or some other bit of leather to bite on for pain relief.

as henry would say, "belax, mommy. just belax."

Poo Tornado and Sleepless Nights

i dunno if i've mentioned it before, but i had financial reasons (work benefits thing) for waiting to have baby deuce in 2014.

and we did it! good work, squirt. now you do whatcha gotta do. anytime is fine. i'm anxious to meet you & to get kicked on the outside for a change. however, i do appreciate how very quiet you are right now, while contained herein.

i am wondering how in the world we're going to manage with two. as it is, the house is a mess & the critters are running wild.

our old dog still kind of wanders the house all night, despite our efforts to crate her and keep her on a schedule.

and this is what 'putting our foot down on him sneaking into our bed at night' looks like. "cold turkey," i said. "we're done with this nighttime shenanigans," i said.  for real.

here's an example of what a smooth operation we're running. ahem.

last sunday, we were celebrating Christmas with robb's family here at our house. 10 minutes before we were scheduled to leave for brunch at this cool local place, henry was refusing to get dressed and negotiations weren't going well and i was bursting with the need to pee. so i put him down off the changing table to run to the bathroom quickly. i just asked for a 2 minute time-out. well, naturally he followed me to the bathroom, and as i was trying to gently close the door to keep him out and not to scandalize the entire house, i shut his hand in the door.

thank the Lord, he was just fine, but it was traumatic indeed. so much so that we skipped brunch and let the rest of the family go while i stayed home and in complete guilt, gave him whatever he asked for for breakfast and let him watch 40 episodes of 'curious george' in a row.

i became awful glad, though, that we weren't in public, when a short while later, while i was in the kitchen, i heard from his throne in the living room "eww. my hand is dirty." filled with dread, i went in there, and sure enough- there was fecal matter everywhere. i mean, i don't know how something that small contained that much poo.  it involved an immediate bath for him and change of clothes for me and a bleachy hose-down of much of my house.

and that's just one kid and one dog.

yipes.