Merry Christmas!

what a fantastic Christmas! we got to see all of our wonderful families and many good friends. it was delightful. henry had an absolute ball. he can't get enough of decorations and Christmas songs and, of course, presents. he really understood the present thing this year and it was tons of fun.

 

 

 

we've been telling henry since halloween that it goes halloween then thanksgiving then Christmas then (new year's) then baby!

it's feeling very imminent. this baby is crazy, busy active and getting big. i've been feeling more contraction-esque type feelings lately, but nothing substantive. we finally are almost ready with everything we need to meet the baby in the hospital and bring it home. 

nervous about the from here-to-then part, but very excited to actually meet the bean. 

more soon. we're finally having a quiet evening together after a lot of holiday crazy, so i'm off to snuggle and watch "clue."   :)

Deck the Halls with Something Something....

i'm both less and more nervous about having a baby than i was the first go-around and here's why:

1. i've been through labor and know it won't do me in...but also know it's not a barrel of laughs that i wish to repeat every day (i remember screaming something like "WHO'S PUSHING ON MY CLITORIS??! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? KNOCK IT OFFFFF" and the doctor calmly replying, "it's the baby's head. shut up, you're scaring all the other nice people.")

2. breast feeding was a real challenge the first time, filled with insecurities about how often/how much, and worries about how it would all work when i went back to work and had to pump, etc, etc. i anticipate that this time i'll be less anxious about the whole deal and just trust the process more. on the other hand, now i know what it's like to have my life parceled off into 3-4 hr segments for an entire year. and how pumping and saving milk at work is totally doable but is also totally time-consuming and difficult and i never totally feel like i'm a good enough cow-lady.

3. last time all we did was tend to the teenie one in his infancy and all our energies went there. it was really tiring and stressful, especially in those first few months when the baby doesn't smile or anything and more just sort of lies there like a loud bag of flour. but at least we got to doze now and then when he slept. NOW we have this crazy, zany, dynamic fun henry monkey to keep us entertained, but also to keep us from resting or catching up on anything while the baby sleeps. but to watch henry become a big brother is going to blow any minds i had left.

4. it took me around 9 full months to lose all the baby weight last time. i learned a thing or two about putting the cake down before i ate the whole damned thing, so i've gained a little less this time (gracias a dios)...but it's going to be the dead of winter and i'll be all laid up in the house instead of the middle of a pleasant summer where i could take the wee one on long walks. so i'm worried about both how i'm going to find a way to stay active and lose the weight and also about not getting into an uber mega winter funk being shut in when it's all cold and dark.

5. henry is in a super fun stage right now as he grows and builds layers to his knowledge and person every day, but it's also a frustrating stage as we butt heads over his desire for independence and our desire for him to wear pants. and we as a people have decided that the perfect span betwixt children is 2-3 years....so that they're eventually not too far apart in school, can play together, etc, etc. but it means that when you bring home an infant in one of the hardest phases of its lives, your toddler is, simultaneously, going through toddler-dom, in one of the hardest phases of ITS lives. and so you have two monstery-monsters going through huge changes at the same time!

sigh.

all this is to say that i have my worries about this impending time in our lives, but i am also a huge sucker for snuggles, so i'm also looking forward to all of it (even the chaos).

henry has been SO into Christmas-everything this year. it's been crazy fun. we're singing Christmas carols (i find i don't really know the right words to a lot of them), eating "candy cans" and he asks to go "Christmas shopping" every day. finally yesterday, i realized that every time i mentioned someone we needed to buy a present for, he dismissed me and talked about more presents for himself. so apparently that is what shopping and the season in general is all about.

him.

:)

But The First Joey Has Not Left the Pouch Yet!

we were at the zoo recently and the volunteer gentleman manning the kangaroo zone told me all about how kangaroo babies come out super undeveloped and somehow burrow their way up from the mom's baby hole to her pouch and live for months in there, suckling constantly on 1 of her 4 teets and how she can make a whole other baby (or two or three) in the time that the first one is still growing in her pouch and....something about her having two vaginas and making separate milk for each baby and...

i don't know. i stopped paying attention when the screaming in my head got too loud to focus properly.

but i was thinking this weekend, as i marched across a major city carrying my 35lb two year-old while 8 months pregnant, that in a lot of ways he has yet to leave my pouch. he's not still suckling on me, but he is still very much dependent and always reaching for me. i love it and i'm sure there could be some co-dependence discussed if i were open to discussing such a thing (shut up! you are!), but we need to start working toward a wee bit of detachment. not just for when the baby comes and he has to share me a whole lot, but now, while i'm hugely pregnant. while this may be totally groovy for a mama kangaroo, i'm a little worried that maybe part of the issues i'm having with my umbilical cord pressure being high is this hefty weight i'm lifting all the time.

and so, we introduced the concept of me not picking henry up anymore at about the WORST time we could have this weekend. a mile from our hotel in a large city.

neat.

we had a super fun, but also super exhausting and schedule-destroying weekend with my parents in the big city. we'd done it all! seen it all! eaten it all! and henry was sugar-loaded and under-slept and totally overwhelmed. we finished the shopping we were doing and then i had to pull him away from the blocks the store had conveniently provided to entertain tiny folks.

well.

he had the biggest hissy fit i've seen to date. and it lasted the whole mile down a busy sidewalk back to our hotel.

i thought for sure we were going to get stopped by a cop, or at least a concerned citizen, for kidnapping this little blond boy.

because, while WE knew that robb was trying to contain him in his stroller or carry him or walk with him holding his hand while i carried bags and herded him away from traffic and such, what it LOOKED like was robb carrying a screaming child against his will, hollering for his "MOOOOOOMMMMMMY" who was, clearly, not the lady hurrying along next to them or SURELY she would have just picked him up, RIGHT?!

to be honest, after a while it got so ridiculous and embarrassing that i stopped caring if he used the pregnant belly as a trampoline if it would mean he stopped crying. but even giving in and picking him up didn't help at that point. he just needed to get through it.

which he did, eventually. but hoooooo-doggy.

so....we're working on getting him out of my pouch. even if it means just by one toe at a time.

My Great-Grandmother Hatched 17 Kids. That Was Not a Typo. 17. Kids.

before there was reality TV, filming the insane life of a huge family with ...what is it? 19 kids now?...there was my great-grandmother, Alda, in the early 1900's. she had 17 children,(singleton births) and raised them in a 3 bedroom house in the city. on a pretty meager income, i understand.  i believe that 16 of the children survived into adulthood. i have no idea how many total pregnancies she had (i'm assuming there were some losses in there), but i think it's safe to say she was pregnant/nursing for over 20 years.

my grandpa is her youngest and is now 90 yrs old. he is the last remaining child, but stays close with many nieces and nephews who are close to his age (that's how it works when there's 20 years between kids). he remembers his mother adoringly, as tough but kind. and she was a red head. i'm amazed she didn't pull it all out, managing that many kids at once. i'm also amazed that no one has built a statue to her in a park or named a wing of a library after her or something. i know very little about her. but she certainly left a huge legacy of children, grand children, great and great great-grandchildren who have impacted the world in various ways. that's quite a badge of honor. and my sister has red hair. the first in generations. possibly in tribute? i like to think so.

i say all this, and i focus only on my great-grandmother and not my great-grandfather, because i am wanting to channel some of her hard core-ness. i am 7 months pregnant with only my 2nd child and i find myself whining. a lot.

pregnancy is just not that easy. have y'all seen "what to expect when you're expecting?"  elizabeth banks' part in that is memorable in that she waited foreeeeever and went through all sorts of miserable times trying to get pregnant and when she finally did, she found that it's not all roses. it's hard.

and i feel like an ingrate thinking anything remotely negative about the experience, because it's one that so many people would do anything to have themselves. and then there are the robo-tank moms who had zillions of pregnancies and, though i never knew my great-grandmother, in my head she weathered it like a war hero and never complained once.

but it's hard. exhausting and uncomfortable and nerve-racking. and life doesn't slow down for you. i'm still putting in 11, 12 hour days at work and having to man the henry man all night and take care of house affairs, etc, etc. i am fortunate that i have a very involved husband, but it's still a lot to juggle. i cannot imagine that my great-grandmother ever got a nap. i know she had the help of the other kids in tending for the younger ones, but still... and i'm going to wager that the more 'traditional sex roles' of the time meant she was in charge of most of the domestic responsibilities.

and i bet her floors never got as filthy as mine.  :)

so here's to you, Alda. i raise a glass (of juice) to toast you emphatically.

i bet she didn't drink juice. i bet she stuck with the good stuff. it was back when cigarettes gave you energy and beer helped bring in your breast milk, so.... maybe that's the answer.... :)

maybe i'm especially whiny right now because my pregnancy just got a lot more involved. my umbilical cord vessel pressures are still high and they're concerned, so they're having me come into the office twice a week starting next week for NST's and BPPs. it's stressing me out to have to miss work and i'm holding my breath more that things are ok and that they're not considering putting me on bed rest or worried i'll need to deliver early, etc. they don't seem to think the baby is currently in any danger, but they want to be aggressive in monitoring for any potential changes to that.

so, prayers and positive thoughts, please? meanwhile, it's almost thanksgiving and PIE. :) i understand Alda also made a mean pie crust.

Don't Read This- It's Too Gross

most of the time, i'm worried about how my parenting will, inadvertently, forever traumatize my child. i mean, clearly, i will miss something, and he'll end up in expensive therapy.

but tonight, it was we who were traumatized. (us? we? i'm sticking with 'we' because wee is part of this tale).

first- diarrhea at swim class. i mean SO much buttsplosion. gracias a dios none made it to the pool, but a new swimsuit was purchased stat. no one there will ever be the same. they'll remember where they were when...

then in the bath, even though he SAID he was "keeping my pee in my penis" i saw ribbons of proof that he was lying.

and then there was this whole twisted negotiation about a lollipop that started this pcp-like reaction and a 30 min hulk breakdown.

hoping the runs won't last & the monstering was exhaustion.

either way, henry is cozily sleeping now & robb & i are weeping into a pile of chocolate.

What? Who? Where am I?

sorry, it's been 10 years since i've caught up on here. things are going great! just super busy. home, work, traveling every weekend, busy, busy, busy.

henry is marvelous. funny and precocious and learning and sharing new things every day. he had a crazy fun halloween and now wants to dress up in his costume and get candy all of the time.



thankfully, his generic green 'peter pan' costume can now double as an elf costume as the Christmas season approaches.

he is so excited for snow and every morning asks for his boots and mittens and coat, thinking, i believe, that if he's dressed for it, the snow will arrive and will be properly ready to be made into many a snowmen.

the baby-in-the-belly is doing well. i keep going back for, more or less, weekly ultrasounds because there are just little things amiss. the growth was a concern, which seems better now. but then the umbilical cord pressures were kind of high, and most recently i was borderline anemic and then there was protein in my pee- which could be an early sign of preeclampsia. it's the only sign so far (my blood pressure is fine and i am not swelling anywhere) and could be nothing more than dehydration since i work in the operating room where i have to be 5-6 hrs without any beverages all the time. but still, they're watching me closely. which is fine. i'm 30 weeks now and feeling quite good, overall. and it's fun to have an excuse to see the little noggin growing in there.

we're all getting in the holiday mood around here. since we're trying to wrap our brains around the fact that in just a few short months, we're going to have a newborn AND a henry, we chant regularly that next comes thanksgiving, then Christmas, then the new baby. henry was too small to totally get Christmas last year, but this year he very much understands the presents and then decorations and the santa. the Jesus stuff will come in time, i guess. :)   and we're presenting the baby's arrival like a holiday to him, but we'll see how long he's enthused about that one.

i'm feeling very mellow about the arrival. have done absolutely nothing in buying stuff or moving stuff or reorganizing stuff. just waiting for the nesting thing to set in. so far, meh.

for now, we'll Christmas shop. so glad we're catalog people. :)

Too Cute to be a Sociopath? That's a Thing, Right? And Third Trimester!!

henry is, generally speaking, a very loving, kind, affectionate kid.  we really try to encourage these characteristics.

but he kind of also wants to destroy. everything. always. just exactly like this. we don't so much encourage that.

for example, every time we ride our bikes by this old folks' condo complex near where we live, he says "that's a castle. i want to knock it down." we laughed the first few times, but he says it so convincingly and with such a straight face, we've gotten a little worried. if one brick falls off that building, or one window shatters spontaneously, i'm convinced...he's 'carrie.'

and then tonight at dinner while he was attempting to sword me with his fork, he told me he wanted to "broke me."  (you what?)  " i want to broke your eyes." (you want to BROKE MY EYES?)  "yeah. i want to broke your head!"

it's a good thing i kind of sleep with one eye open anyway.  i wouldn't want to get broked.

sleep isn't something i do a whole lot of recently. and not just because i have a healthy fear of my 2 year old.  i have now officially entered THE THIRD TRIMESTER of this pregnancy.

...which is awesome. it's reassuring that things are going this well and we've made it this far and (pending a repeat ultrasound on thursday) all is well with the new baby.

it also means that uber weird things start happening to what used to be my body and is now a cow alien spaceship thing. the baby has gotten really active lately- big movements that can not only be felt through my abdomen but also CAN BE SEEN. just exactly like this.  i don't remember that from henry's pregnancy- i think both because i was 20 lbs heavier that time around, and also because my abdominal wall is stretched so thin from the first round that it's like a stained glass window now and it just makes sense that we'll be able to watch the baby swim around in there through my tissue.

in all seriousness, i love experiencing the movement and am getting really excited. it's starting to feel really real.

also- now i have to time to focus on the baby! regarding my recent post full of anxiety and whining- i passed my boards! and don't need to re-certify for my license until henry is in 5th grade! so one by one my october stressors are melting away. thanks to God.

i thought it'd be fun to set up a little wager for this baby's sex, due date, etc. if you're interested, check out: http://bellybets.com/betting-sheet-1002338.  the winner will get to dictate that we take a pic of the new baby in any outfit/setting/situation they choose. (within reason, of course).

hope you're all having a great week so far! toodles!

Are You Ready for Some Whining on the Internet?

it's been a stressful week.

last weekend i attended an incredibly intense recertification seminar for my physician assistant license. (10-12 hr days in a classroom, earned me my hemorrhoid i was waiting for. finally. so glad you could make it. was sure hoping you'd come join the party). we have to do this every so many years.

being gone from henry for 5 days was SUPER FUN for him being with grandma and grandpa, but i missed him terribly. robb and i have fun on our own without the short tag-along, but i was glad to get back home to him. so then i had a few days of studying/spending time with monkey butt and trying to get house stuff done while hitting the dentist and doctors appts i never get to do because i'm always working.

my 26 week OB visit went ok. heart rate is good, but baby is a little small for gestational age, so i'll go back in a few weeks to see how it's tracking. makes me nervous, but anatomical ultrasound and all testing has been fine, so hopefully it's just a little hiccup. i also took my glucose tolerance test to see if i have the gestational diuhbeetus. i am waiting on those results. (the red sugar shot is WAY mo' bettah than the orange one. please note).

then i took my exam and it was long and tedious and terrifying and terrible and i don't know if i passed. it makes me question myself and all my choices and i hate that feeling. should-ave's and could-ave's will kill you every time,  i guess.

anyway, between that and taking an advanced life support class this coming week, if you just HAVE to have a heart attack around me, do it now, because i'll never know more about fixin' you than i will right now while it's fresh-ish in my brain.

let me take a moment to comment on how fuzzy and slow my brain is. in general, but especially while i'm pregnant. so that's pretty awesome.  yeah, maybe don't have a heart attack around me after all, mmmmk?

and when i went to the dentist, i also took henry for his first dental visit. he did great, but turns out that him using a pacifier all this time while he's sleeping does more than just stifle his intelligence and chances of succeeding at life and not becoming a serial killer, it ALSO causes an overbite.

and so now whenever i look at him or hear a (previously adorable) little lisp in his speech, i'm sure it's because we've ruined him forever by being lazy good-for-nothing parents relying on all the tricks to keep him quiet/happy.

so we're also working on ridding ourselves of the paci once and for all. he still has a blanket he sleeps with and might have it well into high school. i'm ok with that as it does not effect his jaw, only his psyche.

sigh. what else? we have friends-like-family in pain and that pains us to our cores.

so, you know, stressful.

but as i want to acknowledge always- many blessings all around us.

just currently also lots of opportunities for increased blood pressure.

Sex Toys, Facewash, Bread and Apples

robb and i celebrated our 11th anniversary this weekend. and i realized recently that this year i've been with him for half my life. whoa.

we feel extremely blessed and relieved and, sort of, shocked that we still enjoy each other as much as we do.

and why aren't we tired of each other yet? this is something with which i'm genuinely perplexed. 

sharing with one person all parts of your emotional, financial, sexual, other physical, spiritual, and family life is a lot to ask.

it's not easy, but it's been worth making it work.

we're still a work in progress, but we've definitely gotten better over the years with how we communicate with each other and how we face life's decisions, changes, and tragedies together.

we talk to each other. a lot. so i don't think there's time for us to 'grow apart,' because we're always chatting about what's going on in our heads, our hearts, our mutual and independent lives, and the world around us. we stay up on current events (ok, more like robb reads, i steal his cliff-note version of everything) and try to always stay alert and relevant in the world and to enjoy each others minds and not just get bogged down with the gruesome minutia of who forgot to buy diapers and who's turn it is to do the hand-wash dishes.

we try to be respectful and to always speak nicely to one other.

we strive to love each other 'like Christ loved the church'... honoring with everlasting support and service....we're close, i think...

...if Christ on occasion told the church to f*ck off...

...which i don't think He did...so, see? we're still working on it.

and we laugh together a lot. there are times that we're having more work than fun in our relationship, but not many. and i guess at this point, i don't mind the work. in fact, we've seen it pay off, so we know it's worth the time and energy. and when we do have 'trouble times,'  we've accumulated enough years behind us to know that they won't kill us and that we'll find a way through them.

we still surprise each other. robb shocks me with something he says/does at least once a week. and when you spend this much time with someone for this long, i think you have to let yourself still be surprised. we must remain open to it because surely we've heard each others jokes and can see it coming by now. but somehow he never feels stale to me.

so, i guess i'm saying i feel so blessed and amazed that we're still having so much fun, this many years into it. i thought about writing this post when i laughed because i had on my shopping list the week before our anniversary "sex toys, face wash, bread, apples."

the stuff of life has to be dealt with. school lunches made, bills paid, rooms painted, clothes washed. but we also have to try to stay exciting and interesting to each other and ourselves.

hence, the apples.

Dogs and Humans Living Together...Mass Hysteria!

i think i've made mention before about how i struggle to like my dog now that we have kid. she's a geriatric greyhound whom we've had for 7 years. and honestly, she's awesome. but i kind of want to accidentally on purpose leave her on a nice farm somewhere.

she really is a really good dog. super laid-back and wanting to please. she stays mostly out of the way and doesn't bark or whine much or get into too TOO much trouble. but she just...is. she's one more critter requiring attention and service and sometimes (most of the time) i find myself seeing her as a duty more than a pleasure.

and then sometimes i feel like a real dick for feeling that way.

like tonight, when henry was lying on the changing table while i put on his jammies and we heard mia clickity-clacking her way toward us and he said, unprompted, "her my best friend."

oh, maaaaaan! ok, you're right! she's the best most wonderfulest and i should be more diligent about brushing her teeth and should take her for more full-assed walks and we ought to CUT those claws so they're not clickity-clacking all over the house like that and i'll TOTALLY get you two matching friendship bracelets to wear and...

an hour later we found her with one of his poopy diapers across the house from where it started.

she can brush her own teeth. 

Dancing Babies and Psychotic Breaks

temper. tantrums.

this morning we dared to make henry a breakfast sammich and cut it in half (OH THE HUMANITYYYY) and so he threw himself about his room for the next 20 minutes telling us to go away and writhing out of all his clothes so that he was just an angry red diaper-clad dancing baby. he eventually monstered his way out of the diaper, too. 

so much angry nudity.

although it's annoying and makes us late for work and such, i have trouble getting too frustrated with him.

he's learning SO much, i mean EVERYTHING right now. his letters , numbers, colors, shapes, manners, words, physical coordination, how to handle relationships, what to expect out of the universe and where he falls within it....i mean, all of it. he started with pretty much nil, and not all that long ago. and of all the ways you have to become a person, all the tackle in your "self" tool box, i think emotional awareness and control is probably the hardest thing.

i know folks rounding into 40 years old who can barely understand and then master their emotions and don't just fall apart when they don't get their way.....so i give henry some leeway at 2.

now, it's possible that those 40 y/o's are only out of control adults because their parents never trained them properly when they WERE 2 y/o's and then i might be regretting this tactic completely when he's a 6' tall angry naked dancing man.

but so far, i'm encouraging him to use his words, take deep breaths, find his calm, and use other methods to express his maniacal hatred for non-intact sandwiches.

here's where i admit that i've read nary a toddler-training parenting book and ask if any of you out there have any advice on how to get him through this growing period. 

please and thank you.

How Do You Like 'Dem Apples?

a request came in from korea today for pics of my belly.

so here you go, in all its glory. you may have noticed my other mounds just north of the big show. if you did, you're not alone. everyone else is noticing lately, too.

the other day in the locker room at work a nurse i hardly know said "whoa. your boobs. i mean, whoa." i laughingly told her about my misadventures of trying to adjust to (a droopier version of) jessica rabbit's life and she just kept shaking her head, looking appalled/amused.

then tonight, henry did a ninja move and pulled out my shirt and reached into my cleavage crack (i mean, this is a risky maneuver- kid could asphyxiate in there) and said "what in der?" i shoo'd him away and asked him, "what do you think is in there?" and he answered "apples!"

oy. once again, so SO much therapy.

for both of us, this time.

things are going well, though. i'm feeling more movement from the deuce every day, which is just as fun as i remember it.

and i feel pretty good. totally emotionally basket-casey, but i'm holding it together enough to be a functional adult. so far. mostly.

henry's had a grand few weeks. we went to a Renaissance fair where he saw a sword fight and got his own sword..and is now swording everything around him, always. he's 'armed' all the time at home when not in the bath or bed. we WERE a nonviolent people, not samuch now.

he went to an apple orchard with his aunt and her fella and rode another pony ("what did you ride, henry?"......"a camel") and pet a goat ("what did you pet, henry?"...."an eagle.".....sometimes i think he's f'ing with us on purpose). and got a cute pumpkin and drank 3 gallons of cider. and he's gone to a pro baseball game and hung out with family and, we've been really a great time and loving the fall.

and he's taken a few weeks of swimming lessons where he's alone w/ the teacher and a classmate and we're not in there with him. he's being a rockstar. well, except the time when he didn't have his little cohort in there with him and it was just him and the teacher- then he screamed for an agonizing 13 minutes before we gave up the ghost and went and saved him. but when the other little boy is there (leighton. my hero. the wind beneath our wings), he does just great. huge grin the whole time.

The Deuce

i had the anatomic ultrasound for the baby a few weeks ago and had to go back today to finish it because there were a few important structures the tech couldn't visualize properly. i'm 21 weeks now. thanks to God, everything looks healthy and normal and perfect. this time henry and robb didn't come with me, so henry wasn't there to say the baby looks like an iguana and robb wasn't there to stop me from finding out the sex.

sigh...but i stopped myself. 

i just like surprises too durn much. and we have 4 heart chambers and a closed spine and 2 complete hemispheres of the brain and all the right amounts of all the good stuff, so i'm happy. whether there is a P or a V down under doesn't really matter.

i'm getting really excited. i'm a lot calmer this time around and just sort of expecting the best, i guess.

it most definitely helps that i have a henry to keep me busy and to fret over in real time so that the interminably slow pregnancy season doesn't seem to be taking quite as long as last time. (but, srsly, it's almost a year!! i mean, a YEAR!!).

and, as much as i longed for henry to become a henry, i was so wired when it finally happened that it took me a while into his wee life to chillax (robb loves this word) enough to really start to enjoy him. i feel like this one might have a leg up, because i'm calmer now and also because i know what a pile of joy a pregnancy can turn up.

henry might compete with his sibling later in life, but right now he's doing the kid a huge favor by being so sweet and wonderful and making me anticipate more of the same. (don't you make me eat those words, baby. don't be a booger now).

and as nervous as i am sometimes at the idea of managing life with two, i love being henry's parent so much that i'm excited to do it some more.

he's taught me what it feels like to be totally content. like the circuit of my heart is complete when i'm holding him. now double that? holy moly. will have to grow more heart.

My Want an Oompa Loompa NOW, Daddy.

life with henry right now is a really funny and (mostly) fun roller coaster. i've taken to calling him mr. jekyll and mr. hyde, because he can go from happy and friendly to ferocious and out of control in a split second (he hasn't had time yet to get his MD or PhD, so i can't, in good conscious, call him doctor).

his language skills are booming. we hear him sample sentences and proper word order and conjugations...."my want apple" is becoming "i want a big apple." both are often followed by fits of rage if we get the apple wrong somehow or aren't fast enough with it or whatever, but at least the grammar of tiny dictator's demands is improving. it's making me more aware of my own grammar and i'm attempting to be less sloppy with my language around him, because he practices saying everything we say to him.

he sort of knows that i'm pregnant. kind of. he saw the ultrasound (argh! meant to post those pics ages ago. i'll get to it, i swear. already baby #2 isn't getting proper photographic documentation of his/her life). when you ask him what's in my belly, often he'll say "baby." but then if you ask him what's in HIS stomach, he'll also say "baby" (feat of science right there).  we have friends with a 7 m/o son, isaac, whom henry adores (see me working on my grammar there? eh? eh?) and calls 'baby isaac.' so when henry discusses the baby in my stomach, it's always 'baby isaac.' he will be disappointed when out comes a tiny squirmy worm instead of the super fun baby isaac. i guess he'll have to adjust.

he's a pleasant combo of independent and confident and still cuddly and affectionate and needy. it's getting a wee bit challenging to pick him up every time he demands, because i'm roughly the size of a sedan and he's growing a lot lately (tall, big, all of it), and he especially wants to be carried when i'm also carrying groceries. or he especially wants my attention when i'm indisposed. see below.

this is about what it's always like when i'm in the bathroom. you can hear robb trying to help in the background. and after i tell henry to give me a minute, he gets quiet.

but i can hear him breathing out there.

We, uh......We Really Like Mary Poppins

I Found Henry's Journal

mother, father....we need to talk.

lately i've been finding you very frustrating. the only word you seem to know is "no." all i want is to have a little fun, and you are the killers of all my fun.

is it too much to ask that i be able to use my paper towel tube sword to lance everything in sight without you interfering? i swear i was only going to do it another 70 or 80 times and only planned to break a lot of the glass in my way.

i mean, relax. really. 

and while we're on the subject, when i wake up and the first thing i want to do before my eyes are even open is watch "pingu" on your phone, just do us both a solid and pull your phone out, push the buttons and bring out that zany little penguin. just do it.

do it.

and you keep acting like stopping playing to eat dinner is a good idea and something i should be happily doing. well, i'm not happy about it at all. i have to leave my football where i found it and clean up all the puzzle pieces that i am PRETTY sure i didn't even put there, and then eat beans and rice. and you sit there, stupidly acting like that is a treat or something? bitches, please. if you just gave me the pear that i asked you for, we wouldn't be having this scene right now. i asked you for the pear 20 times. 20 times! i could not have been more clear.  i enunciated and everything. i said AND SIGNED the word please. i really don't know what the problem is. we're out of pears? what does that even mean? will an apple do? really? REALLY? if i offered you apple juice instead of mommy juice to drink, would that work for you? i thought not.

and now i have to show you how serious i am about this pear thing by throwing myself on the floor and sobbing. why must it always come to this? this is on you, mommy. this is on you.

so, in conclusion.....pingu and pears and we'll all get along.

here's some kisses to keep you coming back for more, 

henry j. monster

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we've had some rather difficult moments recently with henry rebelling and fighting us and whining and big fake crying.  thankfully, because he is a wonderful, happy little sprite despite the two's that he's in, he still has a lot more great moments than rough ones and recovers well. and we're slowly learning to feel each other out and learning how to get through them mostly unscathed.
but it can get irksome, him trying our patience all the time.

last night when i was tip-toeing out of his bedroom after he fell asleep, i noticed how huge he is. he takes up nearly the whole mattress (crib mattress, on the floor at this point). he's a kid > baby now. and he has to learn how to be independent and make his own decisions and there's going to be some growing pains while he figures that out.

and i like that he's his own henry and not just a little barnacle on us anymore. it's more fun than frustrating most of the time.

we're all a work in progress, i guess.

Work It, Girl

i've always wanted to, and planned to be, a working mom.

and it's been pretty great. i like what i do and it keeps me busy and feeling useful and important out of the house and i think i'm a more appreciative, patient and loving mom because i don't take for granted the limited time that i get to spend with henry at home. and i think henry has thrived at daycare. he's confident and secure and chatty and shares (sorta) and understands what it means to take turns (kinda). and robb and i both working full-time allows us financial freedom we wouldn't otherwise have.

but this week has been kind of rough for me and i've had moments of wondering if i'm doing the right thing working so much while henry goes to daycare so much.

i normally leave for work before henry is fully awake and robb takes him to day care and then i pick him up. like the hero. but this week, i worked later hours and so i've been taking him in the mornings and dropping him off. like the big jerk.  he was fairly clingy and there was a lot of "no go to school. watch movie, mommy? play football, mommy? read books, mommy?" which, frankly, i was extremely tempted to abort our plans for school/work and just do those things instead. and then last night robb and i miscommunicated and henry ended up stuck at school until almost 6pm (making it nearly an 11 hour day for him there) and i just about lost it.

i miss him. i think it just comes down to that. he never seems worse for wear for having been at daycare. quite the opposite. and he never seems to pine for me or anything. but i do, him. and i'm trying to keep those feelings really clear so that i don't do anything i'll later regret because "henry needs me home with him" or "new baby X needs me home with him/her."

but i am having a hard time imagining how crazy life will be with a toddler and an infant and a house to keep clean and organized and also to attempt to sneak in some time to do the things i like to do, like write. or shower. AND be gone from the house 40+ hours/week at work.

it's a lot to juggle. and, obviously, it's been done before and by women with a lot less support and a lot more on their plate than i have. i don't underestimate how nice the neighborhood in heaven must be that is designated for the single moms. i mean, come on. they deserve a standing ovation everywhere they go.

so i'm mostly just whining (some more) and wondering what life would be like in different arrangements. but for now i don't have any changes planned.

and here's another thought- is it sexist of me even to consider this? i'm not offering the option to robb and he's not looking for it. there's no clear financial reason why one of us would have to support the family instead of the other. but i know a lot of moms who stay home and i don't know a lot of dads. a few, but not many. is it just that for the first year of life moms do everything for newborns and so i feel like i have more of a right?

what do y'all think?

what else?

my Ob appointment went well yesterday! little bean is roaming around in there and his/her ticker is ticking. i'll get my full anatomical ultrasound in 2 weeks.

still debating whether we'll find out the sex.

thoughts on that? 

Rantings of a Crazy Lady; My Maternity Underwear Could Be Tied to the Back of an Airplane to Help with Landing

oh, my swirly, whirly (not gumdrop) thoughts are making me nerts lately. i'm having all kinds of existential crises and most probably causing myself undue stress. and i'm sure some of it's hormone-related. but also, i've had a crazy year of job changes and near moves across the country and all kinds of upheavals or threats of upheaval. and i'm just sort of unsettled feeling. and i'm not being remotely productive with it. i'm pie-in-the-sky dreaming (and worrying) instead of focusing and getting stuff done.

is what i'm doing on the planet mattering? do i add value? do i need to be be recognized and reach many with something that i do, or is impacting a few great enough? who am i now? am i where i should be? where did i set down my chocolate and did i already sit on it? :)

but, really....instead of thinking about where in the world we're going to put a second child (so as not to bother the precarious sleep of the first child since we only have 2 functional bedrooms in our house), i'm thinking about things like, "maybe i should quit medicine and become a children's book author!" and instead of studying for my impending re-licensing boards, i'm staring blankly at my keyboard, lost in prayer, wondering if i should help mobile medical teams serve prostitutes in our city. or instead of going through all henry's old baby stuff and making some plans for the next batch of baby i'm planning to hatch, i'm crying over all the babies in the world who don't get comfort for their tears and who so badly need a shot at love and new homes and thinking we should adopt 10 of them!  (all the while freaking out about what life will be like with just one more on board).

as i said, my thoughts and emotions are all over the map. i'm working through it. thanks for bearing with me. i'm sure i'm not the only one who wonders some of these things.

but in happy, sane news- we have resumed health in our house. other than some runny noses and clogged up ears, we're all back to normal. and we had an amazing weekend enjoying the sunshine and the renewed sense of wellness. we found the beach, we visited with family, we saw some baseball, robb competed in a triathlon and we got to cheer him on. it was really great.

things seem to be going well on the pregnancy front. i'm feeling occasional little squiggles and squirms down below and i'm growing some. i'm excited for my OB visit this week because it's always good to be reassured that things are on track and after that i'll be able to schedule my full anatomical ultrasound for sometime in the next few weeks. 

pregnancy to me, for me, just remains kind of super ridiculous. i mean, the blessing and miracle of it don't escape me for a second and the healthy growth inside me that ends up churning out something like a henry at the end just boggles my mind.

but.

i don't think i've ever felt that feminine loveliness. i just feel like an elderly baby with huge knockers. i was searching online for snarky maternity t-shirts and came upon a tab for 'maternity lingerie' and all i could think was, "ewww."

i think this means that i'm failing at lady-hood. right? that's what it means, right?

sigh. but at least i did find my chocolate. and it wasn't too smushed. now if you'll excuse me.

Henry Monster and the Case of Paw, Hoof, and Beak Disease

so we're transitioning henry from his crib (from which he kept leaping) to a 'big boy bed.'  robb is dutifully researching healthy mattresses and we found a frame we like, but it'll take a while to put it all together. for now, his crib mattress is on the floor, getting lost in the vastness of his bedroom. he likes it and feels important having a pseudo-normal person bed and a star wars pillow and everything, but i can't help but thinking it looks like a cot in the corner of a jail cell (having NOTHING to do, i'm sure, with the fact that i just binge-watched the entire first season of the netflix series "orange is the new black" set almost entirely in a federal correctional facility).

he does, occasionally, make a mad dash through the house when he's supposed to be sleeping since there aren't actual bars keeping him contained anymore, but mostly he just sits there and calls for us to come snuggle him back to sleep when he wakes up through the night. which he still does. nightly. :) 

and then this (below) still happens fairly often, too.

plus, this week all sleep rules (really, all rules) have been out the window because we've had a pox on our house. i have been dealing with a horrible sinus infection for something like a month that finally came to a head this week and is now (gracias a dios) receding and henry monster was diagnosed with his first bout of 'hand, foot, and mouth disease.' high fevers and mouth blisters and general crankiness. we haven't really seen any spots on his hands, feet, or bum areas, but we're monitoring.

my saintly mom has been here with him so that we can go to work and henry can avoid contaminating the other nasty gremlins at daycare. and after the first day of it, he's really been fine other than a little soreness in his mouth when filled with anything other than a grape popsicle (see above: all rules out the window). so i'm hoping he can go back to daycare tomorrow and life can get back to some normalcy. but he and grandma have been having fun this week, so it has certainly not all been for nothing.

on the topic of having sinus congestion and being 16 weeks(!) pregnant and not being able to take much in the way of useful drugs to kill the symptoms.....it is what it is. i feel terrible for people who deal with congestion all the time in life or during the durations of their pregnancies and hope i'm not among that group. otherwise feeling good!

i'll get some prego pics out soon. the little bump is growing, but i'm so far still in my jeans, so i hope it's growing enough. we'll find out at next week's visit. (i think it's probably just that i'm not eating fries and cake twice a day this time). :)

AM I A MAAAAAN OR AM I A BAAABY? IF I'M A MAN, I'M A VERY BABY-MAN....

this is one of our favorite songs from one of our favorite movies. watch it and look for the STELLAR cameo. and it won best original song at the 2011 oscars!!

anyway.

on the topic of my 2 year-old man/boy/muppet who is exhibiting SOME big kid qualities, but also MANY baby qualities....

i am wanting to work on improving his skills of independence as i work on procuring another infant from my sub-cockle area.

i was having a conversation with my cousin tonight who is in her residency to become a pediatrician (HOW FREAKING COOL IS THAT, RIGHT? so, please, if your kid has a rash or something funky falling out of any of his parts, feel free to send her a blurry cell phone pic and insist she identify and treat it for you) and she said she was reading about how to get toddlers prepared for a new baby.

she says, "and don't be surprised if he regresses to some of his baby-ish behaviors. goes back to the pacifier, loses his potty training abilities...."

and i'm thinking, now maybe he'll be in a very different phase 6 months from now (i mean, d'uh) but right now he is still mostly giggling at how the potty seat frames his junk and is definitely still relying on a pacifier. thetre's nothing to regress to. we're already there.

goals! goals! goals! ;)

oh, but we might be moving into a big boy bed pretty quickly. he jumped lithely out of his crib last night when mad at me because i wouldn't rock him to sleep AGAIN at 9pm and had left him to cry for a few minutes.

so i guess he's got problem solving skills. that counts, right?

:)

Being the Growed Up Is So Stoopid and Hard Sometimes

yeah, so 2 year olds have these fits and require this parenting and all of it is very hard.

and it's so easy just to indulge the tiny dictator with what he's demanding to get him to go back to being quiet and happy...but you know that the right thing to do is to stick to your guns and make him do the right thing that's being asked of him and then eventually he'll learn some stuff and in time grow up to be a good respectable citizen.  (RIGHT?)

but it really is hard because it's inconvenient (especially when it happens in public or when you're in a hurry) and it hurts your heart. all you ever want is this little person to be happy and well and in this moment he is destroyed! ruined! heart-broken! and you could fix it all just by letting him watch a TV show or stay up later or whatever...but instead you have to do the right thing and refuse the TV show or late bedtime even with him screaming "MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! mommy? MOMMY" and sobbing hysterically.

it's awful.

good parenting is not for the faint of heart. and it's so confusing sometimes because your emotions are all wrapped up in his and you want what he wants because you want him to be content. always.

but sometimes he wants crazypants stuff and you have to kill his dreams. not fun.

all that being said, i operate from a 'pick your battles wisely' philosophy and probably give in too easily on a lot of things, trading happy kisses for what could have been a learning moment.

we're both still new at this.

i'm sure i'll have it totally ironed out for the next one. totally.  :)

I'm Afraid I've Been Keeping Secrets From You, Dear Readers

i am pregnant!

and it's going well! 13 weeks now,  due mid-january. ultrasound today confirmed that all is well and baby is in there(!) and growing as indefinite gender pronoun should be(!). 

i've been reluctant to share this superb news for a few reasons.

one- this happened very differently than the other pregnancies. it just kind of...happened. rather unexpectedly (as much as two informed adults with resources can be surprised by this sort of thing ) and easily and quickly.....and then it stuck! all of which caught me off guard. (if you know my history, you know that in the past it's taken us some work to get and then stay pregnant). so it's taken a little while to wrap my head around it and feel confident in it.

and two- this is dumb and not at all helpful to anyone- but i feel this weird sense of disloyalty to my fellow ladies in 'the crappiest sisterhood on the planet' who have had to or are still having to blood-sweat-and-tears their way to children. i wanted to punch people in the throats for whom it just "kind of...happened." so, again, while in no way useful to them, my heart aching for them has interfered just a wee bit in my heart jumping with joy over the new little package i'm carrying in my gut. (well, just above my guts). --those i've told have been nothing but generous and gracious and enthusiastic, naturally, because they are some of the loveliest people i know---

anyway.  today i had an ultrasound that went well and i'm safely moving out of the 1st trimester and i'm getting more excited and less freaked out. (more of that later, for sure).

how have i been feeling? nauseous and sleepy, but overall pretty great! my hormones are all over the map, naturally. having these girly hormones racing through you does to your emotions what i imagine peyote does to your mind, man. i'm sort of raw and fragile and extreme and i just want to curl up on my blanket and look up at the stars while eating some snacks. and the weird dreams i'm having! vivid and disturbing and just wacky. also, i'm having bizarre cravings for very specific, random things i HAVE TO HAVE RIGHT THIS SECOND and then, once i've had it, it's dead to me forever and the mere mention of it (or seeing the 400 pack i bought of them in the fridge) will send me retching. what else? the fatness came on way quicker this time and i'm looking roundish already. and i might be feeling the faintest fluttering of a wee one in there already, but, as always, it could just be gas. we are vegetarians, after all.

not telling henry yet, because 7 months is just too long to anticipate something for someone who's only been alive a few times that himself. we'll prep him as the time approaches.

will we find out the gender? not sure yet. probably not. we don't much care, but i'm more tempted this time than i was last time. we'll see.

so that's our excitement right now. would very much appreciate your warm wishes and prayers sent this way.

smooches all around!

Monkey Dance Party

during the summer, our local zoo stays open late on a weeknight and has music and food and drinks and stuff. lots of people come out for it and it's a great event. we went last week and henry danced like a crazy fool. it was awesome. please enjoy.

MOMMY is the Bomb-y

henry is my little buddy. he always has been. there's negative connotations (stupidly) to saying he's a 'mama's boy,' but, really, let's call a clingy spade a spade. he is.

and by that, i mean, that it seems i am his security blanket, rock, safe haven, happy place, and wind beneath his wings.

he needs me when he is sleeping, when he is awake, when he's playing and eating. he also needs me when i am sleeping, awake, eating and doing anything in the bathroom. many showers i can hear him whining in the hallway just outside the door and robb doing his darndest to negotiate with him to do something (anything!)  else, or at least to whine a few feet away. (MOMMY?...mommy's in the shower....MOMMY?.....give mommy a few minutes, she is trying to clean herself, she's taking a bubbles....MOMMY. NO DADDY. NO BUBBLES. MOMMY?!!). sigh. my hair didn't really need conditioning anyway. :)

and it's kind of amazing being someone's my precious, but it's also kind of exhausting.

robb somehow doesn't let it hurt his feelings too much. i don't know how. i would want to throw the kid if i was on the receiving end of "NOOOOOO DADDY! GO AWAY!" they have so much fun together and absolutely adore each other, but if henry's at all off his game (like lately in the mornings when his head's been spinning 360 and there's green soup coming out and the old priest and young priest just don't ever get there quite in time before we have to leave for work/daycare...) all he wants is MOMMY. 

ah, well. i know he won't always feel this way, so i'll take the sticky hands in my hair as he grips onto me for dear life. it's kind of great. :)

he's talking up a storm. he chatters all the time. his pronouns are still coming around, which leads to funny conversations like:

MY WANT TO WATCH ELMO......no, henry, we're not watching TV right now, we're getting ready to leave....MY NEED ELMO....my does not need elmo right now. my will have to wait until later. i mean, you will have to wait until later....MOMMY!

Henry Turned Two, So We Headed to the Zoo!

we had a wonderful birthday party for hj monkey with friends and family at the zoo. we were so close to the polar bears we could see them walking around while we ate! we made bug collectors and collected (fake, mostly) bugs and had a puppet show and face painting and all kinds of fun. a great crowd showed up despite the heat and the loooooooong walk to get to the picnic area where we were.


after the party, i swore up and down i was going to simplify things next year and just do a small, simple family gathering with cake and birthday hats. but now i'm thinking a PIRATE PARTY with TREASURE MAPS and BURIED TREASURE (booty) and EYE PATCHES FOR EVERYONE!!

we'll see.  (which means, ARRRR, MATEY!)

anyway. henry had a great time with his friends and he got so much great loot. toys and books and clothes and baseball and golf sets and a mini kitchen with all the fixins' and lots of crafty things to paint and draw with.

and even a dragon tail!

i can't help but laugh, though, every time he gets a mountain of presents. he opens the first couple and then seems put out that he can't just play with those and has to keep tearing through the rest of them. and he 's still at the point where the box it came in is as fun as the content.



after all, the 5 best toys of all time are: stick, box, string, cardboard tube, and dirt.  :)

we are so thankful to all our wonderful people who love on him (us) so much! and we couldn't do it without them! (= they are enabling my birthday party addiction).

I Guess We Would Not Know How Sweet the Sweet is Without the Bitter

well.

i spent all day yesterday reveling in henry's vivaciousness and life and celebrating his two years with us on this planet. every day has been bigger and better than the last and i can't believe how blessed i've been as his mom. 

but i spent all week leading up to it aching for another mom who just lost her little guy on the cusp of his own 2nd birthday. i know she and her family are doing their best to figure out how to get through this. but. how. do. you. it's the kind of thing that shakes your faith to its core but its also when you need your faith most. clinging to the reassurance that God is making their little guy laugh now that He has him and that they'll be together with him again. there's hope in that, but they have to really squeeze for it.

and i spent all morning today weeping openly and snotting all over myself in church as one of my favorite women told her testimony of her lady parts rebelling against her and watching her chance of hatching her own kids slip further and further away. full of faith and stamina and fire, she shown with strength and grace. she is still alive! still in love! feeling blessed! but also so, so broken-hearted. again, hope is there. but she has to sift around in the ashes for it. and it's messy work.

and a great friend is recovering from the disappointment of the failure of science's best method to knock a body up. still hoping for success, for fruitfulness, but finding it harder and harder to hope. she's still mending a lot of wounds that hope has inflicted in the past. hope is the best medicine, but it's kind of an a-hole, too. frankly.

and sometimes i feel like it's all just not fair. and it just doesn't make sense. and so i cry and i pray. i beg God to grant peace and abundant blessings on them as they try to heal and find a path through this. and i give huge thanks over what we have. i'm not sure what else to do.

maintaining perspective is a great thing in theory, but near impossible when your heart and world are both torn down the middle. but i will say that the great thing about growing older is that you have enough years behind you to know that the darkest nights have always turned up with sun again in the mornings. you've survived some powerful awful stuff before, odds are good you can do it again. you don't want to have to, but you probably can.

and so, these ladies will survive. and maybe out of the pain will come something beautiful and unexpected.

we'll just keep hoping.

Birthday Hat

so this little person turns 2 tomorrow. every time i mention his birthday for the past two weeks, he says "henry birthday hat." i had no idea how he even knew what a birthday hat was, but i've been meaning to go get him a pile of party hats to take to daycare with him for a little party.

well.

i worse-mom-in-the-world'd it and totally forgot and totally didn't even start making his cupcakes for daycare until 10pm last night either...and so sent him off to school this morning with (pretty delicious, thank you very much, might redeem me a little) strawberry cupcakes but no hats.

so i went to pick him up this afternoon and found in his little cubby, a homemade birthday hat that his teachers had made, along with a little present they'd given him. apparently whenever any of the kids have birthdays, they get this special construction paper hat made for them, and that's what he's been talking about this whole time. evidently, as soon as they all ate the cupcakes and sang 'happy birthday' to him, he started demanding the hat that he knew he had coming. :)

ANOTHER reason i adore this daycare, outside of hat rescues, is that after i'd picked up the birthday boy (literally. "carry. up! up!"), his blanket and sheet, diaper bag, birthday hat, present, lunchbag, etc, etc, etc and dumped it all in the car next to his car seat while i fastened him in....i kneeled on my keys, locked the car, shut the door and promptly started to swear. so at least it wasn't hot out (ahem, june, wtf?) but my baby man was locked in the car! so i panicked only a lot as i tried to figure out how to get him out ASAP. ultimately, one of the amazing providers, who used to be his primary caregiver when he was littler, and who babysits for us sometimes, let me BORROW HER BRAND NEW CAR to drive home to get my spare key while she stayed by my car and entertained him.

amazing.

of course he was unharmed and grinning like a goof when i got back. probably thought the whole thing was a game.  :)

we're doing a few fun things tomorrow with good friends and then his big family/friends party will be in a few weeks at the zoo!! more to follow.

Nearly 2-Year Old Moose

we've had a great couple of weeks. went to a fantastic wedding last weekend where we celebrated, with great family, a great couple. we all stayed at a dude ranch, so henry got to pet goats and pigs and miniature horses and tiny alpaca's that were shaved badly and resembled star wars misfits. i didn't put him on a horse this time, he seemed awfully little next to the other kids who were getting pony rides.

and he's having a good time at 'school' (daycare).  learning letters and numbers and how to push people and make it look like they pushed you. so, that's good. :) he talks a lot about a few friends. our good friends' daughter is on his mind CONSTANTLY. and he has a frienemesis at school named "kyle" who gets a lot of talk-time, too. apparently one or both of them is pushing or hitting the other regularly and one or both is getting time-outs and nice hands are to be used "ok?"  it's a little hard to piece together these tales. especially because the staff all swears that he and kyle are chums and never beat up on each other. so i guess henry is just fantasizing about terrorizing this poor kid, or they're doing it all when the staff isn't paying attention. so that's good...

he turns 2 next week! so robb took him to his well-child visit and it went great. he's right on track for motor and verbal development (henry, not robb. well, i mean, robb, too, i guess). and the pediatrician with 30 years of experience treating children told us he was the most smartest, precious-est child she's ever seen. (well, i mean, she didn't SAY that per se, she sort of said it with her eyes. but i'm sure that's what she was thinking).

he's growing big. in the 60th-80th percentile for everything.

35" tall (2' 11" almost as tall as his grandmas!!!)
29.5lbs

he still eats like a champ. this is him putting away 3 pieces of pizza (hold the cheese, add arugula, tomatoes, and basil to the crust and sauce) and part of a salad.

he can eat entire melon in one sitting. blueberries still fear him. he's a great little mostly-vegan kid, enjoying veggies and fruits, beans and rice, nuts, pastas, and smoothies (in which we sneak all kinds of good stuff). every time we get a clean bill of health for him at these visits it makes me feel better about our quirky diet choices.

i mean, don't get me wrong. he'll still be a social mutant because of us not letting him eat a normal hotdog with the other kids, but at least he'll have a healthy heart! so, that's good....

Keep the Good Bugs Happy

now, we chase the ants. no longer afraid, now they must be our friends.

(speaking of 'aunts'...my own sister, henry's dear auntie E, went through her own 'summer of the slug' when she was small. but it didn't really go from fear to friendship, it was more like at the beginning of the year she caught them and named them and put them into little slug families in little slug homes...and by the end of the year, she just ran them over with her bike).

anyway.....i also think that we can make some money off him as the tiniest rickshaw driver ever. people would find it charming and would tip a lot, right? :)

I Got It Wet AND I Exposed It to Sunlight AND I Fed It After Midnight, So I Kind of Had it Coming

henry usually makes it pretty easy to feel super awesome about my parenting skills. most of the time he sort of just does what he should and i'm like, 'oh, thank God. i can just sit here.'

but once in a while, we have a moment like tonight when he didn't eat much dinner and later asked for specific things, which, when given, he promptly got mad at and rejected like i was trying to feed him dead squirrel or something. all this time screaming at the top of his lungs. so to shake him out of his crazy, i (gulp) sat him down on the couch with me to cuddle and watch some TV (ok. to be fair, they're PBS cartoons, so it hardly counts).

he calmed down and after a few minutes, i tried to turn him around to face me to talk, and he hit me on the cheek.

so i made him say he was sorry and then i turned off the tv and refused to turn it back on.

and so henry leaves and Zuul shows up and is out-and-out hairy-fitting all over the place. like actually climbing backwards up the walls and creepy spider crawling across the ceiling and stuff.

he banshee shrieked through his entire bath. the worst part, that he kept repeating "I SOLLY. I SOLLY. I SOLLY. CAT IN HAT. I SOLLY. GEOOOOORGE. I SOLLY. MUPPET SHOOOOW."

eventually he calmed down and we made nice while he ate an apple and i read him books in my bed.

and then it took him next to no time to fall hard asleep.

but i feel like a giant mean failure. i told him as i was rocking him to sleep that sometimes he'll have to help me figure out how to be a good mommy and i promise i'll do the same and help him figure out how to be a good (mogwai) little boy. 

The Eleven Things I Like Best About Being a Mom

i tried to make it ten. i failed. i could easily make it 100, but that seemed excessive.


1. there is always someone around who is stranger than me and smells worse than i do

2. i never feel unimportant, because there's always someone who needs me RIGHT NOW to do THIS

3. it has taught me to laugh at myself more and to chill the f**k out. and to swear less.

4. i have a built-in excuse to be silly and watch cartoons and to drink chocolate milk

5. my smile is closer to the surface and faster to pop out because life is joyful and because i want to see him smile back at me all the time.

6. now i have a great excuse for my house and car to be total disasters. i mean, they always were, just now people nod understandably and blame the kid.

7. i've learned i don't mind drinking cold coffee or warm wine. i'm lower maintenance in general.

8. now i have a great excuse for my belly pooching out over my jeans and my armpit fat oozing out the side of my shirt. i mean, they always did, just now people nod understandably and blame the kid.

9. i love watching our parents be grandparents and our siblings be aunts and uncles. it turns out that this whole time everyone was just waiting for an excuse to get ridiculous. and they're all better for it.

10. i love parenting with robb. he's really good at it. organized and responsible and fun and loving. he takes amazing care of henry, and me, when i need it. it turns out that i was underestimating him all those years that i thought if i died he'd be helpless in our house, living in his own filth with the power shut off and forgetting how to talk to people, like Gollum. i think now that he (they) would manage just fine. (besides, the electric company sends 2 notices).

11. i love how it feels to love like this. and i think i feel closer to God because i'm assuming that the huge love i feel for henry is a mere fraction of how God loves me. and, like....whoa.

23 month-old (Mostly) Benevolent Leader Over His Fiefdom

well, tiny dictator is a scream lately. he knows exactly what he wants and spends much of his day demanding it. we get a lot of "THAT" and, more often, "NOT THAT." and lately he's labeling everything 'henry's _____.' it's usually fine when it's 'henry's toy' or 'henry's apple.' but sometimes it will be 'henry's car' or 'henry's tree.' cute, unless he really expects to be able to keep for his very own anything that he puts dibs on, then it will be 'henrys disappointment in life.' :)

(i will not get him an oompa loompa. i have to put my foot down somewhere....ok, maybe just a small one....but i'm NOT getting him the matching dream car and mansion. will not. )

over all, he's just doing great. more and more verbal and physically coordinated. he is better and better at following multi-step instructions (i mean, if he's decided that they're good enough for him) and he usually uses polite language (pleases and thank-you's) without being prompted. he says 'excuse me' if squeezing past you or if you sneeze/cough/burp around him. he also uses "NO THANK YOU" as a way to cut you off from doing anything he doesn't like. it's pretty funny/pitiful.

he's almost 2 and i think i still look at him once or twice a day and think, 'how did this happen? how is this person here and so wonderful?' it just blows my mind that God would bless us with this much good. and i'm not taking any of it for granted. not a moment, not a silly face, not a temper tantrum even. i love it all.

(that's not to say that we're not working on overthrowing the tiny dictator with our guerilla parenting forces).

DISNEY WORLD 2013

what does a pirate say, henry? "arrrrrr, matey! yo ho ho...." he also will walk up to you now and bonk his forehead against yours like 'crush' and 'squirt' do in 'finding nemo.' DUUUUUUUDE. and if you ask him how his lucky fin is, he'll flop to his side and say "LUCKY!"

so, yeah. he liked disney.

we all did. it's the most fabulous, magical, bitchin' place on the planet. i think that's the motto, right?

and boy, did we do it up right!

my parents got us some very swanky digs on the property with a kitchen and tons of luxurious space, so we spent a good deal of time there, enjoying each other and the views and the pool and making our own food (it's nice not to have to go out EVERY meal). henry played with a few balloons his aunt got him for about 36 hrs straight. he also got some nemo toys and a kermit doll. overall, i was really pleased with the self-control my family displayed (mostly my dad, who suffers from spoilin'em disease more than anyone i know) in NOT buying him any 4' tall plush animals.

we spent the first few days in magic kingdom (new fantasyland stuff still being finished, but what they have so far - COOL), animal kingdom and epcot. henry loved the shows (the 'finding nemo' puppet/people show is broadway quality, amazing, all part of your park ticket price) and only got a little nervous on the rides that got really dark. and his nervous just means he squeezes you tightly around the neck and presses his face into your shoulder, so you know...we went on lots of dark rides. ;)

then robb and i went to tampa for a triathlon for team in training (fundraising charity for leukemia and lymphoma society). he did great! and it was beautiful and totally fun there. back at the ranch, my parents and sister hung out with tiny man and they had a ball at the rest of the parks.

we had been worried at one point that henry might be too young for this, that he wouldn't remember it, that he'd be overstimulated, blah blah shmackety, but no worries. he was in his bliss. and he behaved great.  he held up beautifully. no more tantrums than we have at home, without all that stimulation and odd hours, so that was good. it didn't hurt that we had 5 to 1 adults. and maybe he just knew that mickey was watching. always watching.

so it was just amazing. relaxing and fun and perfect. it'll be fun to see how his experience will be different next time he goes. he'll be bigger and his interests will change. but if he's like us, he won't ever be too old to be RIDICULOUSLY excited to be there.

thanks many MANY to my parents for an amazing trip! and for the promise of going back in the not too distant future! :)

Humpty Dumptied, but Shell Thankfully Intact

geez. i know it' s been ages since i've written anything. i shall make up for lost time.

life has been a good sort of nuts lately. both of us started new jobs in mid-april and LUV them. so that's good. but, you know, a bit chaotic. and then we went to disney world for a week of fun with my family and also for robb to compete in a triathlon. he did great and we had a ball and i'll get to all that soon.

but this happened a few weeks ago and i have been meaning to write a post on it since then. it's just too good/traumatic not to share.

i'm on day 2 of work at my new job and i got this text from robb. 

so i didn't think much of it. our dog eats stupid sh*t all the time and has varying degrees of uncomfortable/hilarious outcomes. and i figure that robb meant henry fell down a *few* stairs. no biggie, right?

not so much.

it turns out that he tumbled down the entire flight of basement stairs when he was trying to go from the kitchen outside through the side door at the top of the stairs. and these are hard wooden stairs with nary a strip of indoor-outdoor carpet on them.

when i learned THAT bit of information, i almost threw up. i envisioned all the things that could have happened and it made me crazy for a while. 

but, thank God he's like good tupperware, and is very durable, basically just brushing himself off and keeping on. 

robb took him to daycare that morning feeling all sheepish, "ummm, henry fell down the stairs..." but other than the little abrasion he got from indoor-outdoor carpet burn on his nose (which has since disappeared entirely), he was unharmed. 

again. thank God. and i'm actually glad it was robb there. he's reasonable and doesn't immediately assume the worst and so reacts sensibly. i would probably have raced him to the ER and insisted on full body MRI, PET scans and a comprehensive taste test to make sure nothing had been damaged. 

when i told my friends (guiltily) about the whole thing, EVERY one of them was like, "oh, sure. happens all the time. let me tell you the 15 stories i have about my kids falling from buildings and down open man holes. it's fine."

friends are useful.

and yet still, i'm now wrapping henry in 26 layers of 3-ply toilet paper, head-to-toe, 24 hrs a day.

22 Months Old!

should i take it as a sign that henry is ready to potty train that instead of finding him throwing toys into his dirty diaper bin today (like usual), i caught him trying to put a book in the toilet?

it also might have been a commentary on the book. it was not great.

i yelled to stop him before text met toilet water and scared him into a deep frown and some tears.

but tears these days are not to be trusted anyway. recently he started saying 'henry sad. 'henry crying' and the proceeds to histrionically fake cry. so either he's just really in touch with his emotions already, or he's figuring out that tears mean action on our part.

clever boy.

he's also jabbering up a storm. it turns out that walrus is his favorite animal and brown is his favorite color. he told me he wanted to "hold the D" this morning, and to my relief, he was pointing to a letter 'D' magnet on the fridge.

it's exciting how he strings words together. we can literally watch 'click' after 'click' as he figures things out.

we're looking at a busy few weeks! this week i leave my current job and then we go up north for a little getaway before the whole big family gathers to celebrate an impending cousin getting married to  a super cool guy! (as a cousin, you don't get a vote on who they marry, so we count ourselves extremely lucky that she picked a great one).  then we both start our new jobs and work, exhaustingly, for an entire week(!) before we go to DISNEY WORLD!!!!

so it'll be a big, great month, i foresee.

 he dragged this thing across the house today. was very proud. 

he's very good at being silly. it's kind of his wheelhouse.

this came from his great-grandpa, 'big hank' who visited cape canaveral last year.