Work It, Girl

i've always wanted to, and planned to be, a working mom.

and it's been pretty great. i like what i do and it keeps me busy and feeling useful and important out of the house and i think i'm a more appreciative, patient and loving mom because i don't take for granted the limited time that i get to spend with henry at home. and i think henry has thrived at daycare. he's confident and secure and chatty and shares (sorta) and understands what it means to take turns (kinda). and robb and i both working full-time allows us financial freedom we wouldn't otherwise have.

but this week has been kind of rough for me and i've had moments of wondering if i'm doing the right thing working so much while henry goes to daycare so much.

i normally leave for work before henry is fully awake and robb takes him to day care and then i pick him up. like the hero. but this week, i worked later hours and so i've been taking him in the mornings and dropping him off. like the big jerk.  he was fairly clingy and there was a lot of "no go to school. watch movie, mommy? play football, mommy? read books, mommy?" which, frankly, i was extremely tempted to abort our plans for school/work and just do those things instead. and then last night robb and i miscommunicated and henry ended up stuck at school until almost 6pm (making it nearly an 11 hour day for him there) and i just about lost it.

i miss him. i think it just comes down to that. he never seems worse for wear for having been at daycare. quite the opposite. and he never seems to pine for me or anything. but i do, him. and i'm trying to keep those feelings really clear so that i don't do anything i'll later regret because "henry needs me home with him" or "new baby X needs me home with him/her."

but i am having a hard time imagining how crazy life will be with a toddler and an infant and a house to keep clean and organized and also to attempt to sneak in some time to do the things i like to do, like write. or shower. AND be gone from the house 40+ hours/week at work.

it's a lot to juggle. and, obviously, it's been done before and by women with a lot less support and a lot more on their plate than i have. i don't underestimate how nice the neighborhood in heaven must be that is designated for the single moms. i mean, come on. they deserve a standing ovation everywhere they go.

so i'm mostly just whining (some more) and wondering what life would be like in different arrangements. but for now i don't have any changes planned.

and here's another thought- is it sexist of me even to consider this? i'm not offering the option to robb and he's not looking for it. there's no clear financial reason why one of us would have to support the family instead of the other. but i know a lot of moms who stay home and i don't know a lot of dads. a few, but not many. is it just that for the first year of life moms do everything for newborns and so i feel like i have more of a right?

what do y'all think?

what else?

my Ob appointment went well yesterday! little bean is roaming around in there and his/her ticker is ticking. i'll get my full anatomical ultrasound in 2 weeks.

still debating whether we'll find out the sex.

thoughts on that?