I am a Mature, Strong Women. I Am a Leader. Join Me.

I've recently discovered that I am mature and in charge and capable. I'm just shaking out all the wrinkles in this coat I now wear, so bear with me as I learn how to best wear it. 

My family and I went to a local Women's March today. It got me thinking. 

I used to be ashamed of being so tall and big, of taking up so much space. 

I used to be ashamed about any of my physical flaws as if I was failing someone with my zits or my tummy flub or my lady mustache. 

I used to be ashamed of my muscular shoulders because, even though they meant I could haul things and throw children around and take care of myself, they were mannish and unbecoming/threatening?

I used to defer to men in conversations, sort of wait to be interrupted and then cede the authority easily. 

I used to let men ride shotgun in the car instead of me, because of respect? Even though usually I had the longer legs, so logistically it made no sense. 

I used to smile when hit on. I never wanted to be hit on. 

I used to smile when my body was being positively assessed by a man because it was ungrateful not to. I never wanted to be assessed. 

I used to smile when, as a professional, I was given favors or short-cuts for being a cute girl even though I didn’t need them and it was embarrassing for all of us. 

I used to demure from talking about women’s rights because it’s becoming annoying, Sarah, shut up. 

I used to apologize.
I used to apologize. 

I used to always fucking apologize. 

I used to beg for forgiveness for asking for the floor, for stating my purpose or my point, and then mush it up with sorries. 

I used to worry that I wasn’t good enough for you, it didn’t matter who you were. 

I used to avert my eyes because I thought then maybe I wouldn’t be seen. 

I used to try to hide.
I used to try to hide. 

I used to try to hide who I am. 

Now

I don’t want to hide anymore.
I won’t apologize. 

I will clearly state what I think without preamble or caveat. 

I will not speak in frets. 

I will not speak in whispers. 

I will speak clearly always and defiantly when necessary. 

I will not be afraid to express my emotions because they are not fearful or embarrassing. 

I will be honest. Sometimes that will mean speaking and sometimes that will mean silence. 

I will trust my experience. 

I will trust my knowledge. 

I will trust my power and ability. 

I will trust my voice. 

I will trust myself. 

Join me. It's a relief to be on this side. Help me continue to work out the wrinkles. I'll do the same for you.