it was time. lawd almighty, it was time.
we had both started pacing and twitching, being stuck in the house all the time. toward the end, we spent most days staring tensely at each other like chickens squaring off on opposite ends of a chicken-fight ring? arena? field? anyway. eyes would have been plucked out had we continued like that.
but now we're back to harmony and love. i'm so much more patient with him when we have limited hours together. and he seems to listen better. (except at blerging gymnastics on tuesdays. something about the smell of chalk and feet make him feisty and me irritable. we're working on it. it's only once/week. but if i'm missing, check the bottom of the block pit where i might be hiding and sucking my thumb).
i had some guilt and anxiety that he would feel neglected or something, going to school while anna and i stayed home and canoodled, but he did great! the first morning out the door with robb on his way to school we got, "ok! bye, mommy! bye, anna! have a good day!" and he's been fine with drop-offs and pick-ups. like he never left. i think it was just as much a relief for him to get back to his friends and teachers and routine as it is for me to have him back there.
honestly, though, greater was my anxiety for the poor daycare providers. i was so afraid that he would be a wreck going back because his routine has been so scrambled for the last 6 weeks. i was afraid they would uninvite him back after they'd seen the damage i caused him by parenting him for 6 weeks by myself.
i was convinced he'd gone feral, eating with his hands, literally barking at me sometimes and baring his teeth like wild monkey-beast. only not shitting in the corner and flinging his poo at me because he hasn't figured out how to unbutton his jeans yet.
but, naturally, he did just fine. for his teacher he listens and obeys and more-or-less acts like a civilized member of society. (universal truth? kids beast out for their parents and demonstrate hidden politeness and decency for other people?).
and i've had beautiful, quiet, productive days home 'alone' since then.
it's funny, because i remember when i was on maternity with henry thinking that i was super busy and stressed and stuff. house went unclean, i went unshowered. but i had NO IDEA how easy it is to have one. no idea! now, i'm showered, house is pretty put together, and i'm taking time out for some me time. i'm just better at it.
plus, anna is a very easy-going, happy baby! that certainly helps. knock wood and praise God!
i've heard that you should really have your 2nd kid first. :) and it's so true. i'm a much more relaxed, easy-going mom now because i have a clue what i'm doing. i know what's normal and what to worry about. i know how to stop a baby from crying and if i can't always get to the crying in an urgent fashion, eh, she'll be fine! i never felt that way with henry. it's very liberating. and i have all the supplies i need and know how to use them. pumping, swaddling, etc- all easier because i know how to use the stuff.
plus, i'm a better, happier person than i was 2 1/2 yrs ago when henry was born (for many reasons- not least because of him). more able to celebrate my joys and release my worries. so all of this is easier and more fun for me.
having made it to 6 weeks also means i get to start exercising again and can start making with the love.
i haven't run yet because right now outside it's "9 degrees but feels like -5" which is like saying "it's root canals of all your teeth but feels like root canals of all your teeth while the dentist also steps on your toes."
but we did attempt a little loving. it was not bad! not bad at all! (just what all dudes want to hear, right?). i haven't totally forgotten how to do it. i guess it was like riding a bike...if you kind of roll off the sidewalk once in a while and in trying to regain your balance, you lose a sandal fumbling with your pedal and have to turn around to go get it. and then your helmet falls in your eyes and.... we'll keep working on it until we get it right again.
anyway! feeling blessed around these parts. hope you all are feeling the same in your corners.
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