Letting Go (A Little)

so in most situations, it seems like there's the option of stressing out and rushing around to make sure things happen just so, or relaxing and assuming it will work out.

for most of my life, i've chosen the former. it seems somehow more godly or american or feminine or something to give myself fits over everything. like a stomach ulcer is a badge of honor. i've stressed about stressing. i've pre-stressed about stuff that i wasn't even sure was going to be an issue. i've found out that something was resolved in my favor and then stressed about all the possible ways it could have turned out making my life miserable if it hadn't.  :)

eck.

and with a wee one, there is a whole new batch of concerns to be alarmed by. ( <--- the grammar police won't actually come to take me away. i'm just going to let it go).

and on bad days, i do stack my worries up and roll around in them, really working them deep into all the creases.

but i'm working on it. i swear. working on experiencing THIS moment and letting the rest go.

i started reflecting on all of this because the other day in church, the sermon was on Luke 10:38-42, the story where Jesus visits the home of martha and mary. the gist is that mary sits at jesus' feet listening to him speak and just drinking up his presence in their home, while martha rushes around, preparing a meal, hostessing for everyone. she gets irritable by this inequality and sort of complains to Jesus, who says:

^{" 41} “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one.^[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

 ....so i always found this story rather annoying because, obviously, i'm always the martha and am on her side. busting around trying to make sure everything is perfect, perfect, perfect. annoyed that mary would sit and enjoy, gain from a precious, treasured moment when there's work to be done, things to be fretted over. 

but fretting instead of savoring a moment like THAT? that will surely be life-changing and not repeated? trying to always do more, be more perfect...it's an unattainable, exhausting, and distracting way of living. 


and now, more than ever i want to get this right. 

i don't want to miss anything. if henry wants me to play with him on the floor, gosh darnit, i'm putting down the laundry and fake sneezing in his face while he laughs himself into vomiting. 

way too good to miss.  :) 

God is really, really good.