so, i'm struggling a bit. i'm getting accused by friends of not being excited enough about being pregnant. not being radiant and glowing and planning for the future. most of this, i'm sure, is that i'm still feeling nervous and cautious after 2 losses. with those, i think i may have lost the luxury of being relaxed and ecstatic in pregnancy. but part of it is that i'm just too practical and not into all the bells and whistles. i am not the first pregnant person in the history of the world. i just don't need that much credit for doing something that millions of people have done before me.
i was like this when i got married, too. i was probably a big let-down bride for the people trying to help because i just didn't care about the details. "cake looks totally different than ordered? has the wrong names on it? is half eaten? whatever. no worries. who's going to turn down chocolate? bridesmaid shoes don't come in on time? barefoot it is! maybe we'll make the guests go barefoot, too." etc.
i guess i don't need all the frufru and attention that comes with being pregnant. although i will admit that i'm getting a giggle from wearing clever pregnancy shirts ("i grow people. what's your super power?" and "future spartan" with an arrow pointed down to belly).
people ask all the time the following questions....i think they are the normal questions you ask prego people and it can't be helped, but i definitely disappoint them with my answers because i'm just not over the moon enough or something.
1. are you going to find out if it's a boy or a girl? answer- decidedly no. because we don't give two shits either way. we want a fully developed, healthy human baby. any other characteristics don't matter at all. i want to see the heart chambers and valves and as much of the brain and other organs as can be assessed. the penis/vulva and ten fingers/toes are really low on my list of priorities. i think part of this indifference about sex is that i don't think sex defines you all that much. we have names picked out for both (anna/henry, most likely) and i really don't require frills for a girl and macho tiny stuff for a boy. and i think it's kind of lame to announce the sex or be all secretive with the sex and names and such. especially with the sex. are people really going to be more excited or bitterly disappointed one way or the other? i mean, if you say "IT'S A GIRL!" do they all go, "ah, man, better luck next time?" i don't know. i just don't get it. unless you have your heart set on one and want to mentally prepare in case it's the other...i guess then it makes sense. but to each his own.
2. is your nursery all ready? answer- seriously? i'm due in june. that's 6 months from now. we might start working on it in april. and i will happily take hand-me-downs. no martha stewart nursery is necessary for me. pictures of family and maybe a mural or cool paintings is all that we might do. we'll see. i mean, a baby can sleep in a folded t-shirt, stuffed in a dresser drawer for the first few months, so i'm not really stressing much about it at this point.
3. have you registered for baby stuff? answer- again. no. april or may. if baby comes early, i have plenty of t-shirts and can empty out a drawer. and my house is too tiny to pack it with the insane amount of baby crap that's out there to buy. we're going to keep it bare bones. just the necessities, and easy, collapsible versions of those when possible. i'm going to take my friends with kids with me and have them tell me what to buy and what to skip.
now all that being said, we are making some plans to rearrange the house to accommodate a nursery. we're going to slowly start making some changes to prepare. maybe more profound nesting will come in later, but for now, i just want to go one baby step at a time. (harharhar)
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