And Then We Saw Blood in the Shower and I knew

so, clearly, there are bigger con's than pro's and this isn't actually meant to be a list to help me balance out my loss or anything. but this is how i've been thinking about it, and wanted to share. everyone out there knows (i think) the wacky medical week i had where I came closer to death than I care to acknowledge. and toward the middle of the ordeal, we lost the baby. only 11 weeks along, and i was carefully referring to it as “the fetus” or “the tissue” during my pregnancy, knowing that it takes very little at that early stage to make it just slip away...but somehow between chance and misfortune and fevers of 106 and whatever nasty bug i had, the little guy/gal/thing couldn't survive it and did, in fact, just sort of disappear. and on this rainy day today over a week after “it” happened, i'm starting to acknowledge the disappointment and absence of something i'd been looking forward to. so here's my list- it's not all bad. but it's not good, either.

-Con's:

1. Big let down. Lasted through some 6 wks of feeling like ass and then nothing to show for it.

2. Don't think I can ever watch "A Baby Story" on TLC again

3. Family and friends all bummed out.

4. Hate leaving voice mail at my OB/GYN's office since the message says "If in labor, call..."and I won't be.

5. Was really looking forward to a winter without seasonal depression since I had a March due date around the corner. Now, not so much. Have to find other excitement to keep my mind busy.

6. Doesn't change fact that friends are all pregnant or with first babies and I'm still not. Especially not.

7. I got my boobs back.

-Pro's:

1. Vino!

2. Coffee!

3. No nausea or vomiting!

4. Robb bought me awesome new sapphire in white gold earring studs that are gorgeous!

5. All those things I was worried about once kids came, I can do now. Horse back riding, theater, travel, etc.

6. No one will be looking at my belly anymore, so I can put it back under wraps.

7. I got my boobs back.

8. As my mother-in-law pointed out, now I know that I can get pregnant, which is a relief.

The Oven's Too Hot- Don't Cook the Baby!

so i've had a fever for the last few days w/ some aches and pains and some GI issues. no big deal, right? i'm sure it's just viral and will pass on its own. buuuuttt...when there's a wee little fetus dependent on a healthy, stable environment, one has to worry. so i called my OB and his rule was that if, after tylenol, my temp didn't go below 101.5, i should call him back. which it didn't, and i did. and he told me to go to the hospital. i did and of course there was nothing to find. but it was reassuring to see heart beat on ultrasound and be told that i was fine.

so that's my excitement. i feel better this morning, other than a little headache. the last tylenol i took was 5 hrs ago and i'm neither sweating to the furniture or freezing and shaking violently. so that's good! don't cook the baby!

Baby Humans Not the Sharpest Crayon in the Shed

so, i wrote this little diatribe on my other blog last april after an easter sunday spent w/ some of my coworkers kids. they're adorable and i'm sure quite age-appropriately brilliant, but i mused on how long it takes for kids to have functional, life-sustaining little brains. and an article this morning on cnn about how dogs are smarter than toddlers made me think of it.

.......................................................................................................................................................

i'm addicted to one of my coworker's 9 month old baby boy. he's got the cutest, fattest little...everything. face, feet, thighs, eyelashes. all of it. he's like a blond, blue-eyed little cherub. a tiny bit "children of the damned," but in a totally cute way. he's the absolute picture of rosy glowing baby health.

i really love spending time with kids. they're so loving and warm and funny. but i must say, the young of our species are exceptionally dumb. i am by no means referring to my coworkers' children specifically-i gather they're all at or above average intelligence for their age. but...in general, babies and young kids have very little problem-solving skills and zero survival instincts. i mean, for pete's sake, it is many, many years into their existence before they can even use doorknobs! and it would be utterly impossible for them to survive in the wild. in fact, they seem to be deliberately trying to off themselves. they toddle out into traffic, they fall into open manholes and wells, they stick fingers in electrical sockets, they drink poisonous substances, they play with knives...i suppose all the while assuming SOMEONE will come to their rescue. (after all, someone already opens doors for them). i'm just saying. if a lion cub or an eaglet was born as slow and awkward as a baby human, they would surely be eaten and/or fall from a tree. baby humans are more like baby cows and horses- clumsy and sort of wandering the world, lost and stupefied. i suppose that's why we eat veal and not lion cub, huh?

anyway. i'm just sayin'.

Mother of All That is Holy

i've been feeling the last week or so like this 40 weeks of pregnancy (count it. 10 months. do the math) is waaaaay too long. i mean, Christmas is, like, FOREVER from now and march is way past that! maybe i'll feel different in the next, less barfy phase of things.

and one thing is pulling me up short a bit on this complaining. my belly's still looking pretty normal, but i found this pic on line and it's labeled "32 weeks." are you KIDDING me? i will be the size of a suburban and still have 2 months to go!!??!! WHAT? WHAT?

She's losing her mind...and I'm reaping all of the benefits!

picture

sarah has had these wacky cravings. we had 5 ears of corn that we needed to eat. and most recently she got hooked on the idea of having thanksgiving dinner in august.

so we walked the dogs to the store and bought stuffing, potatoes, and cranberry sauce. (i grew up on jelled cranberries, so while i love whole berry, i make sure to get some jellied cranberries, too.) upon arriving home i cooked up a great thanksgiving feast for two. and it was really tasty. i have to say that while it's bizarre to crave thanksgiving in august, i very much enjoyed it.

i ran today at lunch, and it really hit the spot to have a big bowl of leftovers -- literally corn cut off the cob, mashed potatoes, and stuffing all in the same bowl. finish with cranberries. happy stomach.

robb.